


No Place Like Home

by TheAdamantDaughter



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender, zutara - Fandom
Genre: Anti-Maiko, F/M, Roleplay, Zutara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-10-14 21:31:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 74,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10544666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAdamantDaughter/pseuds/TheAdamantDaughter
Summary: Zuko and Katara grapple with the aftermath of a relentless Mai and struggle to move forward from Zuko's trauma while learning the value of family, marriage, and unconditional love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an extensive role-play thread between myself and honxrable over on tumblr. It started a simple ask, and exploded into a massive story dealing with the repercussions of male date rape. 
> 
> From now on, I will be posting the archived portions here to benefit the many readers who are struggling to find the beginning or catch up to current posts. I will not be editing or proof-reading anything, not any more than I do before reblogging on tumblr. I simply don't have the time to go through 400+ reblogs and check for grammar. Sorry!
> 
> The thread starts from Katara's perspective, the first text being sent by her. Between each shift in perspective, I will insert a line break. Each new chapter will be where I 'cut' the thread on tumblr. Enjoy!

> [text]: please respond. im so worried about you

* * *

> [text]: im ;; drunkljk

> [text]: i dont know where i amjnjk

* * *

 His answer confused her. Zuko hadn’t even mentioned going out for drinks. On most nights, Katara could expect him home at 7:00, after he wrapped things up at the company, and at the latest, he’d sweep in at 8:30 with Chinese and a dozen kisses.

Now, the clock ticked passed midnight and Katara was huddled beneath a fluffy comforter in their darkened apartment. Alone. Worrying.

> [Text]: Just stay where you are.  
>  [Text]: Don’t turn your phone off.

Katara stretched down from the bed, reaching for her laptop to search his location. Find My IPhone was helpful like that, particularly when they started sharing bills and Apple ID’s a few months ago. A quick tap of the keys and he appeared on the map… somewhere in the seedy part of downtown. 

This worried her more… Sokka wouldn’t take him down there, would he? Was he even with Sokka?

She sent her brother a quick text, getting a response back almost immediately. The nightowl was at home, with Suki, with their little girl. Katara grimaced at her phone’s screen, feeling a sick sense of dread come over her. Was Zuko cheating?

Either way, he’d asked her for help and she didn’t really have an option but to go get him, now that she knew where he was. She left the bed and got dressed, selecting Zuko’s monkey slippers as her shoe of choice.

> [Text]: I’ll be there in 30

* * *

 

It was dingy and cold, and he didn’t know what was going on. His coat was gone, and so were his shoes, and it was raining. Zuko didn’t have an inkling as to where he was. His head was throbbing, and he’d just thrown up. Now he had stumbled onto the ground, and he was lying against a wall, looking like a homeless man as the rain beat down. He was too wobbly, and completely shit-faced to move. 

He looked at his phone as it buzzed, trying to read it through the world that seemed to blur around him. Zuko was not a big drinker like this, and he’d never been so drunk in his life. He didn’t even recall drinking this much- or much of anything. He liked to go out and get buzzed from time to time in good fun, but not like this. This wasn’t something he did, especially when his wife was waiting for him at home. 

He texted her back lazily, everything not making sense in the moment. 

> [text]: i dont;;;;where iiiiiooooo am,,,,,,n

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a bit frightened, and in his moment of sheer intoxication, he couldn’t fathom how on earth his wife was going to find him. 

* * *

 

_“What are you doing?!”_

Katara lept from her car, shouting through the rain. It’d been a miracle that she’d even found him here. The streets were dark and grimy, with all the like of filth slicking down brownstone buildings. Zuko was slumped up against one apartment front in particular, shoeless and missing his coat. 

“Zuko?” She glanced over the front of the building, recognition only worsening the gnawed emptiness in the pit of her stomach. “This  _this is”_

_He wouldn’t._

Katara bit down on her tongue, stifling any further comment. 

_Would he?_

But it really wasn’t the time for an interrogation,  _what_ with him bumbling into her arms and smiling a stupid, drunken smile. Katara grunted at his sudden weight, and the stench, and pulled him towards her car nonetheless. 

The ride home was fairly silent, not to mention long and rainy. Zuko hiccuped in the passenger seat next to her, and Katara reached over every now and again to brush damp hair from his face. When they finally reached their own apartment, she helped him up the stairs and towards the shower. 

“It will make you feel better,” she commanded, pulling his clothes off. He was struggling a little, fighting her like she was playing some game. All of it was frustrating. “Zuko get in the shower. I’ll make some tea, okay?”

* * *

 

Zuko was lying there, completely dazed and out of it. His shirt was unbuttoned, hanging on his shoulders, and his pants were unzipped and unbuttoned too, hanging on his waist loosely without undergarments. He looked a mess, and felt it too. In his slur, he caught sight of Katara, and he smiled widely, touching her face. “Kat,” he mumbled, “My beautiful, beautiful wife,” he stammered with a drunken laughter. 

She then helped him into the car, where he slumped in the seat, his head pounding and spinning while he hiccuped. He had to vomit again, so he asked her to pull over, and he hurled into the curb. He was soaking wet, sitting in the car, drenching the passenger’s seat until they finally got home, and Katara walked him up the stairs. 

He could barely get up while she walked him there, and moved him to the shower. She started to take off his clothes, and he evaded her with a smirk until he grew upset. Zuko was disoriented, not knowing where he was or what was going on. “Mai… Mai– get off… get off me…” he mumbled, pushing her away, “ **I’** _ **m** arried_,” he mumbled as Katara took off his sopping wet clothes, revealing the hickeys and bruises on his neck and shoulder, a shallow gash on his chest, and bruises by his hips.  “- _Married_ …” he groaned, his head leaning against the tile wall as she closed the shower curtain and put on the hot water. 

His wife walked away then, going down to set some tea. Zuko just stood, leaning his head on the tile as the hot water beat down on his back. He stumbled a moment, too drunk to keep his balance as he felt sick and woozy. He fell then, slipping in the shower, hitting his head against the wall with a thud. Zuko groaned, but sat up, leaning over the toilet and puking again before lying on the ground of the shower, head lying outside the water’s aim, and blacking out.

* * *

 

That sickening feeling sunk deeper in her stomach, permeating every bit of her until even her breaths were shaky.

None of it made sense, Katara thought, prepping the tea kettle and two cups. Zuko almost never went out without telling her, even if it was one beer with her brother. He’d still call home.

And the fact that she could smell some other woman on him… His random stammering suddenly took shape in her head. Mai. That’s what he’d been muttering moments ago.

Katara finally took stock of his appearance, replacing the thought that he’d been in a bar fight with the realization that- the hickeys, the scratches, the perfect shape of fingers bruised into his hips.

God… Katara knew Zuko liked it rough sometimes, but apparently, what she offered wasn’t enough. He’d fucked her. He’d fucked Mai and then come crawling home.

Bile rose in her throat and she stared down at the china tea pot that rattled in her hands. Soon enough, the intricate paintings were blurred out by tears in her eyes. She never thought it would hurt this much, being cheated on. She always prided herself on being strong and independent, but this one moment… that was all it took to render her weak.

Some crash pulled her attention to the bathroom.

Katara swiped her hand angrily across her face, setting the pot aside on the counter.

“Zuko?” she called, wary and hurt. At the lack of an answer, she pushed the bathroom door open, finding him curled up on the shower’s ceramic floor. Katara reached to turn the water off and patted his cheek. “Zuko? Love…”

She bit down on the affectionate nickname, stilling any more tears and her burning need to lash out. Yelling wouldn’t do him any good right now. When he was sober, when all this passed, they could talk. Until then, she’d do as she always did. She’d love him and help him. She’d be there.

* * *

 

Zuko felt like utter shit. Never before had he been so incredibly wasted. He’d lied on the ground, blacked out entirely. He didn’t wake, only stirred slightly as his wife patted his cheek. He was completely unconscious from his overconsumption of alcohol. 

Katara carried him into their room from the shower as he dripped wet all over the floor. He was like deadweight, so carrying him was difficult. She lied him down in the bed, dragging up the covers in the bed. Katara turned her husband on his side, leaving a trash can by the edge of the bed, and his teacup on the bedside. 

It took the entire night before Zuko arose, early, having trouble sleeping. He woke up shaking a bit, his heartbeat erratic, and when he sat up the room span and he felt nauseous. He groaned, holding his throbbing head, concluding he was very– very– hungover.  Everything ached and he felt weary, and he pursed his lips, reaching for the teacup out of a desperation to quench his thirst. It was now tepid and he gulped it down. He noticed the trash can, and once he smelled it he groaned. He was definitely hungover. 

But, he didn’t remember drinking more than a couple glasses with his friends from work. He felt more awful than ever, and he’d never drank so much he didn’t remember what happened. He tried to retrace his steps, but all he remembered was that his coworker got a promotion, and they went out to celebrate it. He ran into Toph, and that’s all he recalled after that. He didn’t know how he got home, or where he’d been, or why there was a giant lump on the back of his head. He felt anxious at the blurred memories, and turned and noticed Katara there, and he mumbled. 

“Hey,  _Kat_ …?” 

* * *

 

Katara rolled over at the sound of her name, having been awake most of the night. She smiled tightly and sat up in the bed, “Can I get you anything?”

Barely waiting for him to answer, she tugged a robe over her slip and retrieved two aspirin tablets and cup of water from her nightstand. She held them out to him. 

“Take these,” she commanded. “It’ll help… and I’ll make us a greasy breakfast, okay?”

That was all the more interaction Katara could stand. Looking into his gold eyes killed her because she knew what those eyes had been watching the night before. His ex– grinding and moaning and supposedly, Katara grimaced bitterly, doing more for him than she.

“Come out when you’re dressed.” She called, leaving for the kitchen.

Her stomach ached with an unsettled pain, something no amount of ginger ale could appease. They’d been fighting a lot, her and Zuko. Who left the milk out. Who forgot the eggs. Stupid, trivial fights that all stemmed from a minor financial bind… it was all so silly now.

She thought the fights were bad before, but this… this hurt.

* * *

 

He felt so dazed and confused as she rolled over. She asked if he wanted anything, and he squinted, trying to make sense of his blurred vision. Zuko inhaled sharply, and he shook his head, “No… no, thank you,” he mumbled back groggily. He felt straight up delirious, and he felt like swearing sobriety for the rest of his life.  

His wife handed him a couple aspirin, and he murmured a thank you before downing them dry in desperation to ease this splitting pain. There was an anxiety deep in his stomach that wouldn’t fade and he didn’t know why. He felt more than jittery, he felt incredibly unsettled and uncomfortable. He pursed his dry lips, thanking Katara again as he wobbly stood to get dressed. He didn’t even know what day it was. Did he have work? Zuko picked up his phone- no, it was Saturday. He sighed in relief, sitting it down again before doing a double take. 

There were tons of messages on there. He sat on the bed a moment, reading through. He saw Katara’s texts, asking where he was, and how late. She’d gotten him, he sighed in guilt. She must be tired, he figured. The rest were from his coworkers, all of them asking what became of him, where he’d went. He wished he could answer their questions. He felt skeevy, not knowing where he was for an entire night. He sent his coworkers a message in the group text, telling them he was okay. 

He didn’t want to listen to their jokes, so he then set the phone aside, and grabbed clothes from the drawer, pulling out some casual, athletic wear. He went to the bathroom, seeing himself in the mirror. He looked like utter shit, which matched the way he felt. The circles under his eyes had never been so dark, and his skin looked rather pasty. But, as he clung to the sink to keep his balance, his eyes bugged open wide at the markings on his neck and shoulders. 

His visage furrowed in confusion and his anxiety built as he noted the bruises– or hickeys– was what they looked like. His fingers gently traced the marks, trying desperately to remember what occurred last night. He could not for the life of him remember a thing. He let out a nervous shaky breath, and tried to wash them off stupidly, but it just hurt. As he noted the aches in his body, his hipbones hurt too. He glanced down, peeling over his robe, and saw big, black-and-blue marks on his hips and his heart spiked. What was that? How did he get that? He felt uncomfortable, and decided to ignore it– maybe he and Katara had drunk sex last night, he figured. He hoped. 

Zuko brushed his teeth, and washed his face before changing and he then warily crept down the stairs. The food smelled amazing, and he clung to the railing to get down. He smiled tiredly at his wife, and took a seat at the table, “Thanks, Kat,” he spoke, letting out a shaky sigh. He felt awful inside and out. He took a bite of the delicious food, and then he looked over to his quiet wife. “Kat… can I ask you something?” he mumbled, putting down his utensils and pulling aside his collar. “Did you… did you see  _this_  on me?” he asked nervously. “ _What_   _happened_  last night? I don’t remember anything… I don’t even  _remember_  drinking so much,” he told her. “Did  _you_  come to the bar last night?” Zuko asked, a sense of inexplicable  _dread_  coming over him. He felt  _afraid_ , and he didn’t know  _why_. Zuko shook his head, picking up the fork again, laughing in mockery of himself, “I feel like shit. I don’t know what the hell happened last night. I looked at my phone, and the people I work with were all asking where I went? I don’t  _know_  where I went. I feel…  _weird_. I don’t  _know_ …” 

* * *

 

"That’s the game you’re playing?“ Katara grumbled, leaving the kitchen table with her still full plate. She mocked him, ‘You don’t remember?’

The glass plate dropped into the sink with a crash, then her fingers gripped the counter’s edge to tightly they turned white. She heard him gasp behind her and a deafening silence followed in it’s wake. Katara cursed him under her breath.

"I picked you up outside Mai’s apartment, Zuko.” She growled, whirling around to face him. “You were at Mai’s; half dressed… no, half naked. You were half naked when I found you. If you’re still so curious about where the hickeys came from, I’ll give you one guess.”

His face wore nothing but shock. She wanted to slap him, to wipe that wide-eyed stare from existence. Such a good player, he was.

She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back against the counter as she glared daggers in his direction. “You fucked her, didn’t you?”


	2. Chapter 2

Zuko’s heart was pounding in his chest, and he was so confused. His head was ringing, trying to remember, but he couldn’t. He felt fear overtake him and he knew it was from this uncertainty. He didn’t know why he had hickeys, or his pants were off, or his shoes were gone. They were nice loafers too. He felt sick, knowing that she said he was outside Mai’s. Why would he be there? Did he fuck her? He felt ill because he could not recollect a single thing, and the thought of having sex with Mai again made him want to vomit. When he had sex with her in the past, it was never that pleasant. He felt a creeping sense overcome him. 

His appetite was completely lost and he turned in the chair, spreading his arm over it, and leaning his throbbing head on it. Zuko wanted to jog his memory, but it wasn’t working, and the looming uncertainty was building. Seeing Katara break was devastating, and he didn’t know what to do. There seemed to be all this proof, and he couldn’t remember or explain any of it. He didn’t want to lose her. He gasped, his heart sinking when she threw her ring on the counter, and he grimaced. 

“I swear to God, I don’t know what’s going on,” he choked out, not knowing what else to say. “I’m so confused… I’m so confused,” he repeated, running his hand through his hair. His breath was thick, and he felt like crying. There was so much dread– he didn’t know what was going on, Katara was saying he cheated on her, and had sex with Mai, but he couldn’t remember a thing, his body was sore, and he felt ill. “I’m sorry, Katara… I don’t know what is happening. I can’t explain any of those things, I don’t even remember any of them. I wouldn’t know I was at Mai’s except you just told me… I don’t know how I got these hickeys, and I don’t know why I was half-naked, I can’t even remember that!” he choked out. “All I remember is what I said, drinking with my coworkers a little, Toph making me play a game… then I just remember waking up this morning in our bed!” he pleaded. 

“I don’t know what the  _fuck_  is going on.”

* * *

 

Katara rolled her eyes, quickly becoming fed up with the excuses. ‘It doesn’t really matter if you remember or not. You were clearly there and based on all the evidence marking your body, I’d say you had the time of your life.“ She snorted, a derisive, irritated laugh bubbling up. “I suppose, if you doubt my recollection of your location, you could always ask Mai how you night was. I’m sure she’ll give you a full run down of every event.”

“Why– why would you even leave with Mai? Why would Toph even let you?” She pinched her lips together, thinking of their friend. Toph had always been protective over Zuko, she was protect of Katara, too; it didn’t make sense that she’d let Zuko throw everything away.

Katara turned on her heel, making towards the bedroom where her cellphone was charging. “I’m calling her. Maybe she can clear your name.”

But three rings later, with Toph on the line and the story spilling free, Katara had no more sense about the situation than before. Her friend retold the night slowly, detailing the group and mentioning that Zuko seemed pretty drunk for two beers, but she’d figured he was drinking on an empty stomach. When Katara explained his jumbled texts, and the state in which she’d found him, there was a definitive silence on the other end.

“Are you sure?” Toph asked.

“I’m pretty sure I can recognize a building.”

“He said he was going outside to call you.” Toph said, a hint of sorrow leaking into her voice. “I can’t believe this. I don’t know why… Katara, he’s not a cheater. You know, he’s not a cheater.”

She glanced in the direction of the kitchen, where she know Zuko was likely sitting with his face in his hands. It felt odd, sitting in the same home, but, emotionally, being leagues apart. She wanted to cut him out, to throw him out, and move on from the sick pain that slowly tore her apart. She’d been hurt so many times before; by the loss of her mother, by Aang and Jet, by her father’s absence from so much of her life. And now Zuko…

“Goddamnit, Katara,” Toph growled through the phone, shattering her rampant thoughts. “He loves you. You know he does!”

Katara huffed, “I wish I could say I believed you.”

* * *

 

Zuko felt so filthy, and no soap could rinse him clean of this dirt. Did he really have sex with Mai? He prayed to God not, but it wasn’t making sense. Nothing made sense to him because he couldn’t remember a damned thing. He was shaking slightly at the thought. How could he live with himself if he cheated on the one person he loved most? Who was there for him no matter what unconditionally? Who loved him unconditionally? He was afraid- he was afraid because it was all so foreign and unfamiliar- and he was afraid he was going to lose the love of his life to a circumstance he couldn’t recall. 

Maybe she was right, even in her rhetorical, sardonic banter. Perhaps he should call Mai and confront this issue. She was talking to Toph, maybe Toph was helping him out- he hoped. Zuko groaned, picking up the phone and reluctantly dialing her number. Of course. Nothing. He tried again a couple minutes later- nothing. If they had a one-night-stand why would she want to talk? If they didn’t, why would she wanna talk? Their breakup had been anything but reconcilable. She was infuriated he was getting married and wished for their marriage to fail. Zuko scoffed, it seemed like she was getting her wish. 

He put down his phone, and put his head in his hands. He didn’t know what else to do. Everything was in ruin and he didn’t know why.

* * *

She hung up with Toph a few moments later, promising to be  _patient_  and get to the bottom of whatever Zuko’s story was. 

Katara hardly had a clue how to do that he was just denying it all, regardless of whether or not he  _actually_ remembered. It wasn’t like she could prove anything without his memories to serve her. Being a criminal justice student herself, Toph recommended a drug test and talking to the police, but again  _what was the point?_

Her friend couldn’t deny that Zuko went home with Mai. She even confirmed that  _no one_  saw Mai at the bar. Zuko had left… supposedly to call his wife… and hours later, Katara found him half dressed on Mai’s doorstep. 

And matters only got worse from there, with the hickeys and the bruises. 

Katara recognized the marks from years ago, when she  _knew_  Zuko was sleeping with Mai. She knew because she often picked him up from Mai’s house when she started throwing things and screaming at him. They’d spend hours together back then, Katara and Zuko, helping each other through rough relationships until they’d ended up together. 

Now he was lying to her… or at least unaware of the fact that he’d fucked some other woman in a drunken stupor. Or maybe, he’d been sober when he left the bar… and he got black out drunk  _after_ the act to erase the memories. It didn’t help that Zuko  _never_ told her he was going out to drink.

Picking up her phone again, she felt it all slipping away. 

‘This is Adair-Thurston Law Office, how can I help you?’

“Hi,” Katara breathed, shaking on the bed. “I- I think I need a divorce attorney.” 

* * *

 

Zuko sat there with his head in his hands, and he finally stood to set a cup of tea for himself. He felt sick, and he now had built himself up in anxiety to the brink of a panic attack. Chamomile always seemed to do the trick, and Katara had usually known when to bring him a nice cup, but now she wanted nothing to do with him. And, he didn’t know for sure why. This all was so awful, and he wanted to puke again- a combination of the situation and the hangover. 

But, when he stood by the door by the kettle, he could hear Katara on the phone in the dining room. He eavesdropped, thinking she was still talking to Toph, but what he heard was so much worse. His heart sunk into his stomach, and it all started to feel like a nightmare. She was leaving him– she was getting a divorce. His heart was thudding in his chest, and he left the electric kettle boiling. He couldn’t listen anymore. He had to get away. 

Zuko ran up the stairs, then, clinging to the rails to not stumble. This couldn’t be happening? He went to the bar, and woke up and now Katara was leaving him. This was all too awful to be happening. He would have bet his life on growing old with her, even as they bickered recently. It was all so trivial, he knew it would pass. But this wouldn’t. She was certain- he had no benefit of the doubt left, and he didn’t know what the hell was going on. Zuko collapsed on the bed, then gripping the pillow, feeling small- like a helpless child. He was ashamed, and he buried his face into the pillow and cried. 

* * *

‘…what I need you to understand, Mrs. Hiroku, is the dynamic that divorce brings to the table.’ The lawyer explained, calmly handling Katara despite her earlier tirade. ‘I know you’re hurt. I know you’re angry. However, some issues  _can_ be worked through. There’s counseling and support groups for this. A divorce… it’s messy and it’s expensive.’ 

Katara protested, blurting out, “I have  _money.”_

The man chuckled knowingly at her fire. ‘I’m sure you’ve got some fight in you, too. But, please, Mrs. Hiroku, wait and talk with him. Once the papers are served  _it’s over. There’s no going back.’_

_* * *_

She walked up the stairs to their room, with the attorney’s words ringing in her head. A lot of what he said made sense. Perhaps she didn’t want to toss any chance at reconciliation out the door. Perhaps she should just wait until she wasn’t volcanically angry. Perhaps, divorce wasn’t the answer at all. 

Toph’s statement played in her head like a chant:  _He’s not a cheater. He’s not a cheater. He’s not a cheater._

But the sound was quickly drowned out, however, but her husband coughing on the bad. Thinking he was sick again, any derisiveness flew out the window and Katara crawling across the mattress to put a hand on his back. 

“Zuko? Do you need me to get you a bucket?” 

* * *

 

He was shocked when he heard his wife’s footsteps creeping near. He was grateful though when she sat on the bed near him. He tried to hide the tears that now were blotchy all over his face. Zuko felt incredibly disheveled. He didn’t know what he could possibly do to reconcile this situation. He just wanted to mend it somehow– he could not lose her. He couldn’t lose  _Katara_.

Her hand touched his back and he looked up at her in surprise, and his visage scrunched when she spoke so gently when only moments ago she was slamming her engagement ring on the counter. “Kat,” he spoke wearily, then ashamed, and putting his face in the pillow. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I don’t know what happened last night. I’m telling the truth, and I don’t know if that matters,” he whispered. “But, I overheard you on the phone, and I just can’t– I love you. I love you  _so much_. I just can’t understand that  _I cheated on you_.”


	3. Chapter 3

She closed her eyes, rendered silent by his continued denial. He wasn’t wrong to say that _it didn’t matter_  Katara didn’t see any way around that fact that he’d been half dressed and  _marked up_  outside Mai’s apartment. 

But she remembered the lawyer’s words of warning.

“I’m not saying I won’t divorce you,” She started, feeling her own tears spilling free. Her hand left his back to wipe them away.  _God be damned if he see her cry anymore._ “I _want_  to… believe me.” 

Zuko looked hurt, but she held her ground, even as her voice wavered. “From where I sit, it looks like you cheated on me. I don’t want to think you did, but all the… all the  _proof!”_ Katara glanced away from him, afraid of becoming lost in his gold eyes.  _How she loved those eyes._  

“The attorney and I agreed– it’d be best if I waited before moving forward.” Her hands fidgeted in her lap. “Acting rashly, it wouldn’t be the right thing to do, for either of us.” 

* * *

 

 

Zuko’s heart shattered into a million pieces when she verified that she wanted to divorce him. That was what she desired. Those words were like a dagger in his heart, but he knew she was right in a sense. The proof was there, whether he could recollect it or not. He tried not to panic, thinking of losing her.

More tears fell however at the sight of hers, and he hesitantly gripped her thigh in comfort. 

“I don’t know what’s going on. But, I know I love you- and only you, and I just want you… and I know me and Mai haven’t spoken in years- that I can remember anyway… and I know that I’m sorry, either way,” he whispered, “Whatever… that means…”

The rest of the night came and went and Zuko and Katara hardly spoke. She couldn’t bear being beside him so while he wasted away the day sobering up, she lied heartbroken in the guest room, where she fell asleep for the night while her husband never left that bed. 

That was until early Sunday morning when a pounding came at the door. It was the police- never a good sign at your door, especially not on Sundays, and especially not at this hour.

* * *

 

Katara set aside her tea at the knock. A look of confusion passed between her and Zuko, the two of them sitting awkwardly on the sofa together, trying to talk things out. She grimaced, then pulled her robe tighter and went to open it.

Her eyes widened at the two uniformed men, complete with bullet proof vests and guns. “Can I help you?”

“Is this the residence of Zuko Hiroku?” an officer asked.

Katara looked him up and down, taking in his stocky build and dark brown eyes. Then she glanced back into the living room. Zuko watched her with a confused expression. It shifted to fright when she answered, “Yes.”

The officer nodded to his partner, then spoke up, “We need him to come to the station with us.”

“On what charges?!” She snapped, feeling angry and afraid in the same breath.

“No charges,” the man assured, “We just have a few questions for him about an incident last night. There was a tip about public intoxication and another for a noise complaint at…” He flipped open his notepad, then reading off an address, “…the Plaza Apartments, unit 212.”

“That’s-” Katara shot a glare at Zuko. They both knew exactly who lived there, and to her, this seemed like the final nail in his coffin. “Why can’t you just ask him here?”

The mostly silent officer spoke up then, “It’s protocol, ma'am.”

“Protocal…” she scoffed, then turned around with the door partially ajar. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to change. Then we’ll both be on our way.”

* * *

 

Zuko wiped his face, hearing the man’s voice from the doorway. He splashed cold water on his face, patting it dry as he eavesdropped. His heart was racing even more heavy. What the fuck did he do? Questioned? Public intoxication? How drunk was he?! Zuko could kill himself. He groaned, sticking on moccasins, and heading to the entryway, grabbing a bottle of water. He still felt like absolute shit, and was a bit dizzy. 

“What’s going on here, Officer?” Zuko asked worriedly, eyeing the man nervously then his wife as she put a hand on his arm gently and went to get changed. Zuko stood with the policeman as he explained again what was going on, and Zuko hesitantly explained that he was very confused, and did not know what was going on. When Katara came back, he bit his lip and wanted to reach for her hand– but whatever he’d done in this drunken stupor had not just gotten him in now legal trouble, but was likely losing him his wife. He was grateful she was even still coming with him. He whispered to her nervously, “Thank you, Kat.”

* * *

 

Fortunately, as Zuko wasn’t under arrest, the officers allowed him to ride with Katara as she followed the police car. They were quiet the whole way, aside from a few phone calls back and forth with their defense attorney. It was the same man who’d help put Ozai behind bars- a miracle worker in every sense of the word. Katara trusted him, which was more than she could say of her husband. 

He’d actually been there. At Mai’s. The whole weekend, he’d been denying it left and right, but witnesses placed him there.

‘A man with a scar over his left eye and dark brown hair,’ the officers said, recounting the description given anonymously over the phone. They’d gone on to explain that the noise complaint came first, with worried neighbor calling in about crashing glass and something banging repeatedly against the wall. After that, the station received a report of man outside the apartments, drunk and stumbling, without his shoes or coat.

The lead officer finished by telling both Katara and Zuko that they went to investigate, but the suspect was already gone. To which Katara answered that she’d picked him up around midnight.

They pulled up to the station after a half hour of driving. Katara spotted their attorney out front, waiting patiently for them. 

Taking Zuko’s hand over the console, she tried to comfort him. “Morishita will get you out of this mess. He’s great, you know that. It’ll be okay, Zuko.”

* * *

   

Zuko sat in the passenger seat, watching each tree pass and each building. His heart was racing in his chest, and he was furious with himself for not being able to remember a damn thing. How could he sleep with Mai and not remember? How could he do something so awful? How could he lay around making noise in the streets? Zuko leaned his forehead against the window, groaning in pure distress. He wanted this all to end, and most of all he wanted the fog lifted. He wanted to remember something. He wanted someone to believe him when he said he was confused, but no one did. Katara didn’t, and neither did the officers. 

His hands were shaking as they did when he was overly nervous, and he tried to hide it, but with Katara, it was always to no avail. They were here, and he wanted to throw up again- from the windy roads plus his hungover-ness, or his nerves— or a combination of both, he didn’t know. Zuko sighed shakily, and his wife’s hand came over his, her rain-soft voice speaking to him, and he turned to her. He was shocked she was coming, driving him, and now… comforting him? She thought– and maybe she was right– that he cheated on her… with Mai, no less. And, she was still here. What had he done to deserve a wife like that? What the fuck did he just ruin? 

He closed his eyes, holding in repressed tears, but it was audible they were lumping in his throat. “Nothing will be okay, Kat. I don’t know what’s going on. There are cops– apparently I slept with Mai- I cheated on you. It’s not going to be okay,” he whispered, holding his head, and sighing as he stepped out of the car door, slamming it in frustration. He scolded himself for acting so angered- it wouldn’t look good. As he went to walk, the wooziness hit him and he grabbed the car’s roof to sturdy himself before taking a deep breath, and sipping the water, and following Katara’s somber lead to their attorney. 

Their attorney was a good man- and talented at his profession. But, seeing him made him feel even sicker. He was remembering all that happened with his father, and now he wanted to just die. This was all so awful- and he was confused, and he wanted it to just _go away._

* * *

 

The lawyer, Mr. Morishita, took Zuko from Katara’s side and walked with him from the waiting area to one of the interview rooms. Being unrelated to the issue at hand, Katara was asked to stay behind. Which she did, albeit with a begrudging glare.

Waiting was impossible for her, especially when it involved the life of a loved one.

On one hand, she was scared for him. She wanted to be with him, because Lord knew what he was feeling, being back in a police station. 

But on the other hand, she felt this building rage in her chest. Katara wanted to scream, to yell, to tear into him for drinking too much, for lying too much, for not loving her enough. That’s why he’d cheat, right? God— on top of it all, he’d cheated with Mai. She could barely hold back the bile in her throat.

What had he done?

* * *

   

 

Zuko sat across from the officer at the table, his hands folded over it. His foot was tapping erratically. He was trying to remain calm, but it was to no avail. This was all a nightmare. His thumb tapped too against the table, and he kept flashing uncomfortable grins nervously. The officer must’ve been used to this behavior because he remained entirely deadpanned throughout the entire situation. 

Zuko swallowed thickly, looking at the officer. The officer finally broke his stoic hold, his visage getting softer as he saw nervous Zuko was. “Son, calm down, it’s not a huge deal. You have a clean record, except some petty theft of food as a kid, but with your dad’s whole story, we know why,” he spoke with a shrug. This only made Zuko more nervous, recounting his adolescence spent in courtrooms and jails. 

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Zuko stuttered honestly. “People keep telling me things… and I guess you’re right, I must’ve been piss drunk because I don’t remember anything after I went to the bar,” explained Zuko. 

“Well, how much did you have to drink, Mr. Hiroku?” 

“I don’t know. I just remember having two beers, and maybe one shot that I can remember,” he answered, unable to meet the officer’s eye. 

“I don’t think that explains this situation.” 

Zuko shook his head in befuddlement. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I truly don’t know. No one believes me, but I seriously don’t know. I swear to God,” Zuko insisted. “I– I’ll pay whatever fines you want. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, that I can swear,” Zuko pleaded with the officer. 

“Mr. Hiroku, these tapes have me worried about you. I think your wife should come in here.”

Zuko looked at the cop, shaking his head. “I don’t have a drinking problem. This was an accident, a– a one time thing. I promise. Please, she’s already angry.” 

“I don’t think this is an accident, and I don’t think you’re an alcoholic. I also don’t think your wife should be mad at you.” 

Zuko shook his head, unwilling to spill his personal troubles with the policeman, but as he sat there quietly, another officer lead a confused Katara into the interrogation room.

* * *

 

She was offered a chair, but Katara refused. “What’s going on? I didn’t do anything but pick up him and none of you have read me my rights? Do  _I_ need to recite them for—” 

Mr. Morishita held up a palm, chuckling at the wide-eyed officers because he knew just how riled she could get. “Mrs. Hiroku, please, it’s quite alright. You’re only in here because we wish to show you something.” 

Katara’s brow quirked, but when the young cadette offered his seat again, she accepted.  _Begrudgingly. With an irritated scowl._ She hoped her attitude would   _at least_  lighten the worry on Zuko’s face. God knows she hated him right now, but watching him go through a legal process again… 

When she met his eyes, Katara had to look away. “What is it, then?” 

“We have security tapes from the bar and also the apartment complex,” Mr. Morishita stated, looking between the couple. “I suggested the police pull the footage when Mr. Hiroku denied any and all accusations.” 

“He’s been denying a lot of things lately.” Katara snapped, “It doesn’t change the fact that  _he_ was  _there.”_

The attorney’s eyes fluttered shut, before flashing open in a warning for her silence. Katara bit her lip, but let him continue. “We’ve reviewed them, and we’re going to show you the few things we noticed. After this, Zuko is free to go. Unless he wishes to press charges.” 

_“Charges?”_

Mr. Morishita nodded, “Indeed. I think you’ll find what you’re about to see…  _disturbing_ , to say the least.”  

With that, he clicked the DVD player, and Katara’s eyes drifted over Zuko to the television. Black and white images moved across, but the scene was obvious. It was taken inside the bar first, with a  _maybe_ tipsy Zuko leaning over to talk to Toph. Some dark haired woman brushed by him, possibly too close, but Katara thought nothing of it. 

It was a bar. Close passes happened. 

But what she witnessed next made her think twice. After the conversation with Toph, Zuko finished the drink and wandered outside, where the cameras picked up in the street. For several minutes, the TV showed him fiddling with his phone. When he turned to go back inside, he nearly stumbled and was forced to clutch the wall. It was a far cry from nearly sober man of moments ago. 

That dark haired woman reappeared behind him and Katara  _finally_ recognized the signature ponytail.  _Mai._ She grabbed Zuko by the shoulder, who belligerently shrugged her away. But a cab came to the corner and for all his strength, a drunk, drugged Zuko stood no match. He was shoved inside, following by her. 

“Oh my god—” 

* * *

 

 

Zuko had not yet seen the tapes either. They wanted Katara to be in the room when he saw them, and he didn’t know why. He was nervous about what they’d reveal– what had he done in his drunken stupor? Did he hurt someone? Break something? They tried to assure him he wasn’t in trouble, but he had doubts. Zuko inhaled sharply, giving his wife a guilty, small, nervous smile as she walked in. She sat beside him bitterly, but complied with viewing the footage. 

They hit play, and he already felt sick. He didn’t want to see this. He didn’t want to relive and actually witness what he’d done. Why were they doing this? Why would he press charges? But, then– there it was. There was a shadow he knew to be Mai’s. He knew her well enough to know that, and Zuko inhaled sharply, guilt pooling in his stomach. 

The scene shifted then outside where he fumbled with his phone like an idiot before near collapsing. This was all he remembered, the two drinks- that’s all it showed. Why was he so drunk? His stomach churned at the thought… would Mai really… drug him? He didn’t want to think so, but the TV then showed him near-collapsing, and Mai shoving his almost-limp body into a car, and he stilled. He did not remember anything. 

The next shot was the apartments– a new camera with poorer quality, but still the shadows were evident of who was who- was on the screen. Mai was dragging him around, and he stumbled, looking like he was protesting, pushing her away, but she smacked him– and he stopped. It looked like someone hitting a dog who just pissed on the rug. Mai was seen angry as Zuko fell on camera, puking on the floor. His face went red with shame and he slouched in the chair, watching as he was pulled up the steps with struggle. They then fast forwarded to Mai pushing him out the door- half naked. He fell, and threw up again, and Mai was pointing and shouting, and Zuko tried to leave, and tumbled down the flight of stairs, lying where Katara had found him. 

Zuko felt sick and embarrassed, and he leaned his face into his hands. “Alright… I threw up, a lot… I don’t remember… and… I cheated on you, Kat… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, but even if I don’t– it’s  _right_  there.”


	4. Chapter 4

“No—” She reached across the table for him, tugging both hands down from his face. Katara held them between her own, aching to take away his tremor when her own shook with a violent fear. “Zuko, you were  _raped.”_

_Mai raped him. Mai raped him to ruin a marriage. How much more would she do now, if she learned the ploy hadn’t worked?_

Katara swallowed the terrible thought, focusing on her husband’s pain. God, her husband. Her sweet, faithful husband. She felt awful then, realizing how greatly condemned, assumed the worst of him, and threatened to leave him. 

Tears were immediately raking down her face, hot and burning. Katara didn’t care. She only saw him as she sidestepped the cops. She only  _wanted_ him as Morishita murmured his apologies. Katara wrapped her arms around Zuko’s shoulders— shaking and shaking and shaking with him. 

They cried together, but even all her tears and apologies didn’t seem enough to mend this wound. 

“We can press charges right?” she asked, looking to the attorney. “Zuko can press charges.” 

* * *

The words shook Zuko, and for some reason sounded implausible and unreal. He swallowed thickly, looking up at his wife with tear-glazed eyes. His lip trembled, and everything hurt. He still felt confused, and anxious, but now a feeling in his stomach sunk- he felt afraid, violated, guilty, and somewhat empty. Shouldn’t he have done something to stop this? He was stronger than her- why didn’t he get her away? He should’ve noticed she put something in his drink. 

But then, Katara’s arms were around him– and he clung to her like he’d never get to hold her again. His tears fell lightly, and no sobs came out as he pursed his lips, trying to accept this all is reality. Zuko rubbed Katara’s back as she cried and apologized to him, “Kat, it’s okay,” he assured her, “I– I’m okay,” he whispered, pulling her face back gently to look at her. 

Then, she turned in his arms, still holding him as she looked at Morishita, and he gasped at her question, eyes widening. “No, no… I don’t want that. I don’t want to go back to court. I can’t. I can’t do it, Katara. Please– I don’t want to. I can’t testify again. I can’t do it. Being in here is bad enough, Kat.  _Please_  don’t make me.”

* * *

 

“Okay— Okay, Zuko.” She brushed stray locks from his face, feeling her heart break at the utter desolation in his eyes. How could she fix this? How could she help him? Katara had always been a doer, a healer, and now she had no idea where to even start.

“Let’s go home,” she whispered. Her fingers delicately brushed the left side of his face. She kept her palm there, over the reddened ridges, hoping he’d find some comfort in her touch. Katara kept her eyes on his, but asked, “We can leave, right? Is there anything else you need from us?”

Mr. Morishita, with a glance from the police officers, shook his head. “You’re free to go. And please, take my deepest condolences for you both.”

“Thank you,” Katara said flatly, though his apologies did nothing to fill the void. She could feel it— this wall being thrown up around Zuko’s heart. He was retreating, he was running— from her. She bit her lip to hide the sudden tremor and helped her husband from the chair.

A police officer’s hand halted her, however. “Ma'am, Sir, if you change your minds, about charges, the statute of limitations is ten years. Even if you come back six months… or eight years from now, we’ll have the tapes on hand. You can put her away.”

Katara grimaced slightly, sensing the worsening shake in Zuko’s limbs. She kept her arm tight around his waist as she led them both to the door. “Again, thank you. We’ll let you know.”

* * *

 

Zuko walked out with his wife, still feeling as though he was on the outside looking in. It was so strange that this happened to him, and he felt… unsafe. He felt dirty, guilty, anxious, uncomfortable, and afraid. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to comfort Katara- she seemed heartbroken. It made his heart ache. 

He pulled himself together enough to thank the police officer, and followed Katara to their car. Zuko took a deep breath and sat down, thinking on how just twenty minutes ago, the situation was so different. Things changed so quickly, and he still felt so confused. He’d been  _drugged_? Why? Why would Mai do that to him? 

 Zuko looked over at Katara, feigning a smile to his saddened wife. “It’ll be okay, Kat,” he whispered, putting his hand over hers and giving it a squeeze. “Can we just… get some food or something? I– I don’t want to think about this.”

* * *

 

It was another silent drive home, with silent tears on both their cheeks mirroring those that fell just two nights ago. 

Katara kept her hand on his thigh, searching for  _anything_ to say. His eyes were so far gone, his spirit so dull and lifeless compared to one she knew. And there was nothing she could do. Some twisted part of her wished she could take the pain from him, wished it’d been her instead of him. She’d so willingly carry this weight around if it meant his smile would reach his eyes again. 

When they came through their front door, into a dark and cold home, Katara forced herself to grit her teeth. She had to be strong for him. As much as she wanted to scream, she had to be _his_  quiet calm. 

“Do you want tea?” she asked, setting aside her purse as she walked towards the kitchen. “Or I can draw you a bath… or put some fresh sheets on the bed if you want to sleep?”

He’d halted at the island, gripping the edges with knuckles bleeding white. Katara placed soft fingers around his wrist, trying to bring him back to her, “Zuko? Just tell me wh—” 

He twisted away so violently, Katara shrieked.  _“Love?”_

But he was jerking back, pacing from the room angrily, and he threw a  _‘Don’t fucking touch me’_  back over his shoulder. Katara stopped in her pursuit of him, letting the words sink in. 

When the bedroom door slammed, she stepped close enough for him to hear her call, “… I’m sorry…” 

* * *

 

Zuko felt empty as each tree passed by through the window. Katara’s hand on his thigh was the only thing keeping him grounded. Silent tears coated his unstained cheek, and his forehead was imprinted with a red mark from leaning on the cold window, that itself now was smudged. He felt on edge as he opened the door, going up to their apartment. It felt more like hiking up Mount Everest than the usual skip up the steps.  

The house was at least a bit of comfort, but getting to the kitchen hurt. He was reminded of their fight- and how confused he was, and now how he felt even more confused. He went to the counter where his wife’s ring still sat and his heart clenched as he clutched the piece of jewelry in his hand. He closed his eyes, breathing thickly as he held in tears. Guilt still ate him alive, and he felt so small, and he still felt like he’d betrayed Katara. She was being so kind, and he felt he did not deserve such. 

Her arms wrapped around him, and he just felt it all build up, and he pictured the video over-and-over in his mind, Mai grabbing his shoulder, and just as it replayed, Katara did the same. Albeit, more gently- comforting- but his head only spoke of one thing, and when those vicious words came out- he hated himself even more. 

Everything was confusing, and he slammed the door, wanting to keep away before he hurt his wife even more. Zuko threw himself on their bed, still holding the ring as he finally broke down into tears, hearing her apologize. She had nothing to apologize for. He did. For everything. Why didn’t he tell her he went out for some drinks? Then, she maybe would’ve noticed sooner. This may not have happened. This whole thing was his fault. He should’ve gone home. 

Zuko gripped the pillow- it smelled like Katara’s shampoo and it made him cry harder because he felt like he betrayed her. He kept hurting her, and he didn’t want to. His feelings were so ambivalent and twisted, and he didn’t know what to do. Finally, he cried himself to sleep, her ring’s diamond denting in his palm. 

When he awoke, his hand was sweaty and eyes bleary, and head still ringing. He sat up, feeling more emotionally distraught then before, and the guilt was eating him alive. He inhaled sharply, wanting to reconcile with his wife. Zuko opened the door, seeing her on the couch, looking upset, stating at the weather channel. Zuko frowned, and quietly went to sit beside her. At least she’d showered and changed into pajamas- she had tea. She was taking care. 

“Kat…” he whispered, tears clouding his vision with guilt. “Kat, I’m so sorry,” murmured Zuko. “I’m really sorry I yelled at you like that. It was wrong, and… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to hurt you,” Zuko told her. “It was stupid, and mean… I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I– I’m so sorry… for everything… for sleeping with Mai… I’m sorry,” he whispered, holding his forehead then and pinching his eyes shut as he collected himself. He took the engagement ring, and put it in her hand, praying she’d want it back, but he didn’t know. “I love you, Katara,” muttered Zuko. “I… I hope you don’t want a divorce anymore because I don’t want to lose you. I love you… Kat, you’re my best friend.”


	5. Chapter 5

She swiped her hands across her eyes as he sat. God forbid, Zuko see her crying—  _What right did she have to be upset, anyway?_ He’d been so hurt, so violated, by someone he used to love no less. 

Katara reached for his fingers at the stall of his apology… and his sweet, darling confessions… if his continued outpouring of affection for her didn’t stop her breath, the ring he pushed into her palm did. 

“Zuko—” she twirled the diamond between her fingers, feeling the tell tale tremor of tears return to her lips. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you. God, I’ve been so awful to you.” 

She set the ring on the coffee table. Zuko’s eyes followed the movement, then filled, but Katara cupped his cheeks in her palms. “Love, no… No, I don’t mean I’m leaving you. I’m not.” 

“I just— I don’t feel like I can wear it… not after I  _abandoned_  you.” 

* * *

 

Zuko shook his head, pursing his lips. “No, Kat,” he whispered, cupping her wrists gently as she held his face in her hands. Though, he was relieved she was going to stay, but his heart ached as she had this notion that she’d abandoned him. “You didn’t do any such thing,” he stated, holding her wrists a bit tighter. 

“You came with me to the police station, even when you thought I cheated on you,” he spoke. “You still drove me there, and–” he inhaled sharply, “You never abandoned me, Katara. You didn’t know what was going on any more than I did, and even when it looked like I’d done the worst to you… you still came,” he murmured. “You deserve everything,” Zuko promised her. 

He set down her hands then, and let out a shaky sigh. He leaned over to the coffee table then, gesturing to the ring, “I think you should wear it. It doesn’t look nearly as good off of your finger,” he teased lightly, wiping his eyes. He didn’t want to think about what happened anymore, and he grabbed the remote, trying to do what they normally did on Sunday afternoons. 

Zuko lied back on the couch, pulling his wife in close, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he kissed her temple. “Let’s just– let’s watch something, like we usually do, okay?” he murmured, needing to keep the complacency before he crawled out of his skin. He needed this fictional plot to distract from his real life– he wasn’t ready to face it, not yet. He still could not believe that he’d been inside Mai’s body just a couple days ago. It made him sick, and he instead focused on the TV. 

“What are you in the mood for, Kat?”

* * *

 

Katara smiled with his assurances, but she knew from his defeated look, that it hadn’t reached her eyes. They both has so much— so much  _fight_ for. Each other and their love and some semblance of  _peace_  she doubted they’d regain. 

And as much as he’d been through, she felt a lingering pain. It was so much a pain of betrayal, as it’d been before— she felt  _afraid._  

She hid it though, giving him another half hearted smile as she settled against him. “I set up all your favorite shows to record  _months_ ago. There’s new and old things, some Office or Parks and Rec.”

_“Oh!”_  Katara perked up slightly, surprising him. Though he seemed to warm, perhaps from the distraction of her chipper gasp. Zuko’s fingers trailed across the back of arm, drawing lazy circles into her skin. 

She relished the tender touch. It’d only been hours, but  _maybe_ they had a chance. Meeting his attentive eyes, Katara sighed, almost relaxed. “The newest episode of American Horror Story came out last night… if you’re in the mood for scary. I can make popcorn.” 

* * *

 

Zuko laughed softly as she explained all the shows she DVR’d for him. He faux-quizzically tapped his fingers to his chin, a hum of contemplation coming from his throat. “I think I’m more in the mood for The Office right now,” he replied, kissing Katara’s cheek and releasing a shaky sigh as he tried desperately to distract himself from the solid ache in his chest. At least- this way- he still had Katara, he tried to console himself. 

Zuko’s hand ran down his wife’s back as he moved to get up, “You can make the popcorn, and I’ll set the kettle for some tea,” whispered Zuko as he moved to put on the kettle, and grabbed some tea bags from the cupboard. It was then she put the bag in the microwave, and the scent of popcorn permeated the room. 

The two of them climbed back onto the couch, and Zuko set the tea down as Katara held the bowl of popcorn, only to grab a blanket and pull it up over them. Katara laid back on the couch, and Zuko rested his head on her shoulder, then handing her the tea as his hand freed up and he reached for a mouthful of popcorn while the TV began to play in the background. A few minutes of watching and quiet laughter passed before Zuko sighed at the commercial they were too lazy to get the remote to fast forward through. “Kat… do you… do you think it’ll be  _okay_?” murmured Zuko nearly silently. 

* * *

 

_‘Do you think it’ll be okay?’_

Her eyes flicked to his, and her heart stuttered when she realizes his lashes were lined with tears to match hers. What did she tell him? A lie would be so much easier— false assurance that they’d be fine and  _life goes on._

Truth was, life  _would_  go on, but it may very well leave them behind. 

Unless they talked, and worked through it, and shared every thought that plagued them. So Katara reached a hand up to his cheek, passing her thumb over worry lines around his healthy eye, and whispered quietly,  _“I’m afraid.”_

“If she’d do  _so much_  to you in an attempt to hurt our marriage,  _what else_  will she do now that it failed?” 

Katara’s fingers fell away from his face, but Zuko took her hand as the words let loose in a tumble, “I— I’m scared to go to work. I’m scared to have  _you_  go to work. And things as simple as the grocery store or  _fucking Target_ … do I have to look over my shoulder now?”

“I could move from all the way across the country right now,” she said desperately. “I don’t’ care how much it costs. I don’t care what it takes. Zuko, I—  _I can’t do this_. We won’t be okay."  

* * *

 

Zuko’s stomach sunk when she replied. She was scared– of what? Of Mai. She was scared of Mai. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t. The woman had violated him in the most humiliating way possible, and like she always did, he felt like he’d hurt her for this too. Without speaking, Mai always made him feel like she was the victim and he was perpetrator. He hated it, and it made his skin crawl. 

He grabbed his wife hand tighter as her confession fell loose from her lips. He kissed her hand, tears falling quietly from his unharmed eye. “I’m scared too, Kat,” he admitted. “What– What should we do?” he asked brokenly. “Should I… Should I just do it? Should I go to court, and– and charge her? So she’s away? I- I can just get it over with. I don’t want you to be scared,” he whispered. 

He looked away then, “We can move too. I don’t care for Minneapolis,” he whispered. “I’ll move, if that’s what you want. I don’t want you to be scared, Kat,” Zuko told her, crying again as he buried his head into her shoulder as he glanced back over at the ring she put on the coffee table. “I don’t want to lose you– that’s what I’m  _really_  scared of. I just… I still feel so confused. I don’t remember– I don’t feel safe anymore. In the car, I just felt– I only feel okay here, and I know it’s only been less than a day, but… I’m trying not to think about it, but… God, I don’t  _know_ , Kat.”


	6. Chapter 6

The thought of _somewhere else_  brought a sudden warmth to her lips. She could be with family. She could be in the last place she felt safe. 

_“Home…”_  Katara said, “We should move home, back to San Diego. We would be near your uncle and my dad. And we’d be together…” 

She caught his eyes on the engagement ring. A pang of guilt ran through her, for the distress in his eyes was obvious. He still thought he’d lose her, that she’d leave. Katara broke his hold on her to retrieve it. A little smile came to his lips, and she slipped it down her ring finger. 

“I’m not leaving  _you_ , Zuko,” she assured him, cupping his chin in her hands. She wanted to kiss him, but fearing how he’d react, Katara simply pecked the side of his mouth. That’d have to be enough for now, until he initiated anything more. “I just want to leave here. I want to feel safe.” 

“There’s no need to press charges, not if you don’t want to. I’m certainly not going to drag you through the trauma of court after the events surrounding your dad.” Katara kept her fingers at her jaw, but one hand slipped back into his hair, threading through the raven locks soothingly. 

“We can just go. We can have  _a fresh start_.” 

* * *

    Zuko smiled, a true feeling of warmth overtaking him as she reiterated that she was here- for good. He lied his head against her shoulder again, grabbing her hand, running his thumb over the back, brushing her ring and sighing shakily. “We can leave here- leave Minnesota,” Zuko spoke determinedly. “We can go back to California,” he agreed. “I want you to feel comfortable, and I don’t feel great here either,” Zuko told her. “We’ll be leaving Toph and Sokka, but… we’ll be with your dad and my uncle. It’ll be nice,” he whispered. 

   “And… thanks, Kat,” he told her, his eyes shimmering again. “Thanks for not making me– thanks for understanding that… that I just… you know I don’t want to go back to court. I– I’d do it if I had to, but I really just don’t want to. I would rather just get  _out_  of  _here,_ ” Zuko muttered, leaning his forehead against his wife’s as her touch assuaged him.  _What would he do without her?_

   “Here,” he spoke, getting up a moment as he brushed her shoulder and grabbed the MacBook off the counter. Zuko then plopped down on the couch beside her again, flipping open the screen. He went to Google and searched then for teaching jobs in San Diego, and then in another tab pediatric careers. “We can stay with Uncle or your dad until we find somewhere to live, but as soon as we get a job, we can leave. We can end the rent, and just…  _go_.”

* * *

The following weeks passed quickly, something Katara was grateful for given the flurry of distraction provided to her husband. 

He left his job that Friday in pursuit of opportunities on the West Coast. A spot opened up at an elementary school down the street from her father— a third grade history teacher. Zuko accepted almost _immediately_. Meanwhile, she spent another three weeks at the hospital, closing up cases and saying farewell to her recovering patients. A respectable hospital in San Diego caught wind of her resume. They asked her to sign on as a general surgeon. 

They started packing  _the moment_ she received the call. 

It seemed things were looking up when their plane touched down in the bright California sun. Smiles touched their lips and even Zuko seemed lifted as they greeted Hakoda and Uncle in baggage claim. 

She wrapped her arms around her dad, so close to tears. Finally, she felt  _safe._

* * * 

“I’m glad you’re both back,” her father said, smiling over the dining room table. 

He’d gathered Sokka and Suki, with their three year old girl, along with Toph and Aang. Iroh sat at the far end of the table, grinning contently at them all over a cup of steaming tea. Not one had a real clue as to the reasons for their move, but Katara and Zuko decided that was for the best. 

They were moving on—  _he was healing, she was helping_ — there was no sense in reliving the past. 

Katara set aside her fork in favor of her husband’s hand, “The job offers were just too good to refuse… and being near family, it’s priceless.” 

“Yeah, well, we’re all _waiting_  for you two to start one of your own,” Toph shot across the table. “I’m not getting any younger.”

A slight blush colored Katara’s cheeks, and she noticed Zuko looking down at his hands in his lap. He was smiling though, despite tremoring fingers. She squeezed his thigh. 

“We’ll just have to wait and see.” 

* * *

   Zuko was glad no questions were asked– he was welcomed home to his uncle’s arms gladly with love. He could always count on his uncle for unconditional love. He sighed warmly, sitting then at the table, ready to eat dinner. He trusted all of them, and he felt safe– hundreds of miles away from  _her_. Here, with all of his loved ones– he felt  _safe_  and  _wanted_. He’d still been not quite himself, but he was getting better with Katara at his side, and speaking, albeit a bit reluctantly, to therapists. 

   Zuko blushed when Toph teased them about children, and a smirk grew on his face, but his hands quaked nervously. He wanted children very badly. He loved kids– he knew both he and his wife always wanted some of their own. But, having  _kids_  meant having  _sex_ – and he felt  _guilty_  because he hadn’t made love to Katara since it happened. He’d only just kissed her for the first time since it happened a week ago. When before they were making love every other day. He was sure a part of Katara was frustrated– he was frustrated with  _himself_. 

   But, taking him from his dubious thoughts, he felt his wife’s hand on his thigh, and he looked over with a warm smile, putting his own hand atop hers. “I guess so,” he said back teasingly. “We should  _probably_  get settled into our new home and job  _first_ ,” Zuko spoke, the red fading to a steady pink then. Zuko smiled, looking over at his father-in-law then, “Thank you for dinner, Hakoda, it was delicious. It really made me feel like I’m home,” he stated.

* * *

Katara drove them to their new home after supper— a new apartment close the hospital where she worked. Zuko  _did_  have a bit of a commute to the elementary school, but he claimed to find the ride on city transit  _soothing_. 

She didn’t question him though. Whatever it took to help him _heal._

He flipped on lights as they walked in and Katara kicked off her shoes and coat, making for their bedroom. It still felt clunky and strange to be in the same space together. After the assault, they’d slept separately. Her presence gave him nightmares and his nightmares kept her awake. With the therapy, though, they’d been trying— trying to be _normal_  again. 

 "So…“ she perched awkward on the edge of their bed, still dressed in her bra and jeans. "They want us to have…kids.” 

It wasn’t really a question, though she meant it to be. Even if he  _wanted_ one, she could see the path his mind wandered down. A baby meant conception and conception meant sex— he’d barely touched her in weeks. 

She  _missed_  him, but she’d never blame him. Time was all he needed. 

Katara sensed the tension in him as soon as the topic arose, and guilt swarmed her. “Hey, we don’t have to think about it right now.” She stood up and walked to where he stood, peering out the blinds at the street lamps below. “We can wait, Zuko. We can wait years. Or— or we don’t have to have any at all.” 

Her arms snaked around his waist. “I’m not leaving, okay?” 

* * *

   She sat there on the edge of the bed while he lied there, still in his work clothes, reading a book with his glasses on. He’d finally bothered to replace them, they’d been in his pocket, damaged the night of the assault. Reading once again became pleasurable, and he didn’t have to squint. It was a nice escape, to go away to a book of any genre. But, when she spoke there, topless, his heart rate picked up in anxiety. He hated it. He wanted to be intimate with his wife again more than anything. He missed it, and he missed even merely sleeping beside her. He felt ready again for that– but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to have sex again, and it made him want to slap himself. 

   Zuko pursed his lips, unable to speak, and she spoke again, her face contorted in guilt- and his followed suit almost mimicking her visage. He felt guilt for making her feel guilt- it was a painful cycle. He stood up then, and walked over to the window, taking off his glasses, and leaving them on the bedside table. His hair was unkempt from his bedhead now, and he gripped  the windowsill. He liked to watch the cars roll by. It was no Manhattan penthouse view, but he liked that this city did actually sleep. 

    It was quiet and peaceful below, and he needed that. He needed some solace. Katara then approached him tenderly, and as she spoke to him he gave her a little smile. Soon enough, her arms were around his waist and Zuko was clinging to her, letting out a shaky sigh. His head rested on hers, and he pinched his eyes shut as a single tear drizzled down his cheek, and his breathing got thick, but quiet and slow as he held in everything. “Don’t say that, Kat… we– we’ll have kids,” Zuko told her. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “This isn’t fair,” he choked out, “To you… what I’m doing. I don’t feel like I deserve you after what happened, but you’re here,” he told her gratefully, squeezing her tight. “I love you,” he reassured her. “I– I know I’m ready for us to share a room again, and… I– I think I might be ready for us to _try again_.”


	7. Chapter 7

Katara shook her head vigorously, pulling away to look up at him. “Zuko, I didn’t mean tonight. I just— thought we could put it on the back burner, something to consider for our future.” 

“There’s no need to push yourself, love” she shrugged then, sinking back onto the bed. “You can’t do something for me just because what we’re doing now isn’t  _fair_.”

She gave him a little smile, then walked away to finish changing. When she came back, she’d tugged on one of his long t-shirts and her hair was falling in thick waves around her shoulders. Katara threaded her fingers through it, eyeing him thoughtfully. 

“Besides, it  _is_ fair. You were hurt— really hurt— and I love you so I  _can_ wait. It’s not like I need  _sex_ to stay sexually satisfied anyway.” She blushed a little, but Zuko looked hurt.

“No… No, I didn’t mean that to sound so callous.” She pursed her lips together, choosing a better route. “I mean, don’t rush, okay? I’m not going to get irritated with you and go looking somewhere else— You’re my number one priority.”

* * *

   Zuko stood by the window still as she threw that old, college t-shirt over her head and he smiled at her. He sighed shakily, and approached his wife, running his hands down her arms, and giving her hands a squeeze. “Thank you, Kat,” he told her sincerely, his eyes glassy with unshed tears of affection and a throbbing ache. 

   “But, it’s just… I  _do_  want to have sex with you, Katara. I do, that’s the  _problem_. I’m just… it’s so  _stupid_ , but I’m so  _nervous_. I don’t know why- I mean I do, I know– I know what happened, but you’re not Mai. You’re  _Katara_ , and I know– there’s no doubt in my mind that you’d never hurt me. You’re my wife, and I love you- and I trust you, and I know you love me, and I feel safe with you, so I don’t know why this is so fucking hard,” he cursed in frustration with himself, walking away then with a sigh as he began to tug off his tie, and hang it up, then unbuttoning his shirt. 

    He began to change into his nightwear as he went on, “You’re everything to me, and I feel like I’ve been… cheating you of our marriage or something,” he tried to explain. “And, I  _want_  to be with you. I just hope this stupid anxiety goes away soon because I just want things to calm down now. We’re in California, and we both have good jobs that we like, and we have this nice apartment, and our families are nearby, and things are good. I just want to feel good again– and I do, I feel okay, but I’m not myself… I’m not myself yet,” he told her, crawling over to the bed beside her. 

    Zuko missed sleeping beside his wife. It was comforting now, he preferred it, and relished in it. Her touch was reassuring, and he let out a sigh of content relief. “I’m just so glad I have you, Kat. I don’t know how I got _so damn lucky_.”

* * *

_“…Zuko…”_

She put a hand on his chest, wanting to stop him as he leaned for a kiss. Katara knew he was pushing it, knew he was  _forcing_  passed whatever trauma still lingered in his dreams. But he was doing it  _for her_ — for their future and their happiness— she couldn’t help a bit of selfishness. 

His words were so sweet.  _He felt lucky. With her._  And his touch… Zuko’s fingers skimmed up her thigh. His lips traveled down to her neck. 

And she touched him back, perhaps over eager to feel his skin. Her hands traced his face, his shoulders, his back… until her fingers finally settled over his ribs. Katara could feel his heartbeat against his sternum— hard and fast and panicked. 

Her insistence to wait suddenly returned. “Zuko,  _stop.”_

_‘What?’_  He sat back on his knees, framed inside her long legs, gasping and almost  _angry._  His fingers ran into his hair, then dug roughly into their sheets. He was _trembling_ … and that fright in his eyes… _‘What is it?!’_

“You—” Her gaze wandered from his. Katara tugged her t-shirt down to cover her hips, feeling self-conscious and frayed around the edges.  _It wasn’t his fault. None of this was his fault._ She had to remember that. 

“— you’re not  _here_  with me. In your head, you’re with  _her.”_  

* * *

 

    Zuko looked at her, a slight pout in his lips, but he could feel himself shaking. He wondered if it was subtle, or if she felt it in his touch, and that was why she stopped him. His heart was racing, and he was scared. He hated to admit it, but he was scared to have sex with his own wife. He was furious with himself for still being so afraid to make love to the same woman he’d been with for so many years. This was Katara– his best friend, his spouse, his everything. Why couldn’t he still give her everything, including his body? He wanted to. But, she saw it because she knew him. She knew him too well. 

   Zuko then wracked his hands through his hair, pinching his eyes shut. “I’m sorry,” he whispered airily. “I’m so sorry,” apologized Zuko again. “I’m trying– I’m trying so hard… I don’t want it to be like this. I want it to be over, and to go away. I’m sick of her being able to–” he stopped himself, shaking his head. “I- I shouldn’t– it’s not fair to you for me to… I’m  _sorry_.”

* * *

“Love—” Katara sat up, sliding across the bed towards him. She tucked his fingers from his face, replacing them with her own, with a comforting touch. “It’s not your fault, Zuko. I don’t  _blame you_ for this.” 

Waiting for just a tender moment, while he gathered himself with a shaky breath, she then tugged him down atop her chest. His face buried in her neck and his sobs came ragged and unrelenting. They mixed with hers, with a deep sorrow that shook them both.

“It’s okay, Zuko,” she whispered into his hair, letting his tears soak her sternum and shirt. Her hands whispered over his scarred cheek, down his shoulders, and over his back. “We  _will_ get through this. We will. In a month, in a year,  _in ten_ — I’ll still be here. I’ll still love you.” 

* * *

   Zuko felt a tinge of shame as he kept crying into his wife’s clothes. He couldn’t stop. He felt so much shame- he felt dirty and used, and he felt useless. He wished he could turn off the switch in his brain and go back to normal. He wished that Mai never thought to violate him like that. Why would she do that? He asked himself every day. 

   It was only with the therapy that he’d stopped blaming himself, and asking Katara to forgive him for some sort of betrayal. The therapy had helped him there- it helped him accept that this wasn’t his fault, at least to a degree, but he’d accepted fully, finally, that he wasn’t unfaithful- he was  _raped_. 

   But, Zuko felt so lucky for Katara. How did he get so lucky to marry someone who’d stand by him so firmly, no matter what and patiently for however long? She moved from her life and home, changed jobs– for him. She was tired and staying awake holding him, and she was crying herself– for him. He was so lucky, and he knew it- and he made sure she knew it- and he loved her dearly. Zuko let out a shaky breath then, tears falling but more quietly as he tilted his head so his cheek rested on her chest. His hand lied on her shoulder, and his finger danced on her skin in absentminded patterns of affection. 

    “I love you, Katara,” Zuko told her in a croaky, tearful cadence. His eyes fluttered back closed, and silent tears fell. “Thank you  _for being here_ , I–  _thank_ _you_ , Kat,” muttered Zuko. “I want to overcome this. I want to be with you again– I want to feel comfortable being with you again. I just wish I knew  _how_.”

    Zuko listened to her heart beating, and he perked his head to kiss her lips gently. “We should get out tomorrow, even if it’s a joy ride… we should do something out- together,” Zuko whispered then, “I miss the Californian sunshine, and I feel like we work and then lay inside,” he spoke with a chuckle, “Not that I don’t love that,” he added. “But, I miss home. I’ve missed San Diego.”

* * *

“I love you too,” Katara murmured, tickling his back soothingly. “And I’ll do anything you need. A joy ride… a date night… Why don’t I pick you up from work tomorrow night?” 

Almost happy, she smiled slightly and hugged him closer. Even if certain intimacies were lacking, she knew he was trying and their  _closeness_ was slowly returning. Just holding him like this, with his torso between her legs and his head on her chest, was such an improvement over long nights of tossing and turning alone. It lulled her to sleep, having his warmth surrounding her.

When daybreak came, the two parted with a kiss and Katara spent her time at work excited and antsy. This could be a  _real_ fresh start for them, a chance to get comfortable and feel safe and be happy again. That’s all she wanted for him, really. Happiness and security. 

Small flutters in her heartbeat told her they may never find it and her hands shook when she finally left the hospital to meet him. They may never work through it, they may never have kids, he may never  _love_ her like he once did. Katara gripped the stirring wheel tight, taking a few deep breaths in the parking lot of the elementary school. 

_‘It’s alright,_ ’ she told herself.  _‘You’ll be alright.’_

Shrugging the nausea off, Katara grabbed her purse and made for the blue double doors. She hugged him around his waist from behind when she waltzed into his classroom, “Are you ready? Where do you want to go?” 

* * *

   For once, Zuko fell asleep easily. On the comforting warmth of his wife’s body he was easy to drift off, nightmareless in her arms. He was excited for their night out, and the fact he was excited for anything again in and of itself had him in a good mood. He had just been so down and melancholic for so long that feeling eager and glad felt so good. He felt good. He got up early, today he had to be in before his wife– but he left her a cup of coffee in her travel mug by the door, and he packed her a lunch, knowing she was always in a rush last minute. 

* * * 

   As the day went on, Zuko decided to do something special. He and his wife hadn’t been on a date since what happened. They’d been out a bit, but nothing romantic or specific. This was his chance to revitalize that. He wanted to make sure Katara knew just how much he appreciated her, how much he loved her, and how grateful he was that she was standing by him so patiently and with such understanding. He never felt more lucky, despite how unlucky the series of events he was involved in were. 

    During his lunch break, Zuko went off into the nearby shops and picked out a bouquet of lilies. Lilies were Katara’s absolute favorite, and they could brighten up the white-walled apartment they’d yet to hang their pictures and paintings up over. He also grabbed her a box of Lindt chocolates– it was cliche and small, but it was something. He just wanted to give her something- but she deserved everything. 

   When classes were all dismissed and Zuko became captivated by the lesson plan he was making for the next day, writing on the white board an activity as he left the children’s Thanksgiving drawings of turkeys and pilgrims on the board, he hadn’t the heart to erase them– that’s when he was startled blissfully by his wife’s arms around him. He knew her loving embrace anywhere and he smiled tenderly, holding her arm close. “Hey…  _Kat_ ,” Zuko murmured, turning around to face her with a gentle peck on her lips. 

    “Hm… it doesn’t matter,” he noted, “We could go back to the Lucky Dragon,” he said with a lopsided smirk. That was where he took her on their first date as late teenagers. It was an inexpensive Chinese food place, and they wound up going back over and over through college summers. They hadn’t now been in years. He chuckled then, “Wherever you want, love,” he spoke, rubbing her side affectionately. 

    He then smiled at her again, “Here,” he stalled, going to the closet where he took out his coat and scarf, putting it on as he threw his backpack over his shoulder- full of lesson planners, textbooks, his laptop, and other supplies. Zuko then grabbed the flowers, smelling them as his back was turned, and he held the chocolates. He went back over to Katara, a tinge of a blush on his cheeks as he gave her the simple gifts, “I got you these…  _just ‘cause_ ,” he stated, handing them to her in the empty classroom, surrounded by posters of the executive, legislative, and judicial branches, lists of the presidents, and a national map. 

* * *

_“Just cause?”_  She repeated, taking the flowers with a happy laugh. Katara stuck her nose in the bouquet, looking up over them at his smile. “These are awfully beautiful to be  _‘just cause.’”_

Their fingers brushed when Katara took the box of chocolates, bringing their eyes to meet with stifled giggles. He seemed to be reliving tender teenage memories— chocolates in the school’s hall, flowers before prom. In college, he advanced to take out Chinese and the occasional fancy restaurant. She loved it all, every second of their past together and every moment he was recreating for her. 

“ _I love you,_  Zuko. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” Katara shifted the items in her hands so she could link an arm around his waist. “Let’s go. The Lucky Dragon sounds great.” 

* * *

    Zuko’s heart melted as her face alit at the sight of the flowers and chocolate. He held her hand as she laughed and when she pulled him in, he wrapped his arm back around her waist. When she spoke, he went to pure mush inside, and gave her side a squeeze affectionately, his visage gaining that uneven smile once more that lit up the unscarred apple of his cheek. 

   “Aw, Kat, I love you too,” he whispered, leaning his forehead into hers, seeing those bright, vibrant, blue eyes that he loved so, so much. “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you,” he murmured, his own eyes fluttering shut before reopening them, pecking her lips. He took her hand then, nodding as they walked from the hall, “Lucky Dragon it is then,” he replied, and he locked the classroom door behind him– walking out to the lot to hop into their car. Katara took the driver’s seat, and turned on the car. Zuko smirked her as he buckled his seat belt, and he sat back. 

   “Do you still remember how to get there?”


	8. Chapter 8

“It’s been a little while,” she muttered, pulling her phone from her purse to look up the address. It came up in seconds and Katara slipped the phone into his lap as he drove out of the school’s parking lot. “Looks like a right on 3rd.” 

Their eyes met briefly with her words, before Zuko’s drifted back to the road and Katara settled in her seat. She wore a hopeful smile, content with her hand on his thigh and light music playing in the background. They sat in a happy silence all the way to the restaurant, only muttering a few sweet words when Zuko opened her door and led her inside. 

When they were seated, and the waitress left them with menus and two glasses of wine, Katara stared at him for a long moment. “Do you think I should start getting counseling, too?” 

“I— I want to make sure I’m helping you,” she explained at his surprised look. “I don’t know if I’m doing what’s best or if there’s more I could do…” 

* * *

Zuko felt happy for the first time in a long time. He felt he had a lot to be happy about. He was in his hometown, his father was locked up, Mai was far away, his beloved uncle and in-laws were here, and most of all: he had Katara. He had his sweet, loving, patient, beautiful, kind wife. She was here- she would always be here, and he loved her.

Zuko sat with her at the tables that hadn’t changed and a warm feeling of nostalgia was overcoming him. The posters were the same, the same music played in the background, the same scent lingered in the air, and the same woman sat across from him, only now he loved her even more. If he told his younger self that, he wouldn’t have believed it- he thought then it was impossible to love anyone more. Right now, he thought the same. In five years, maybe he’d somehow love her more and look back with the cycling retrospective.

Zuko was left sipping wine, and he saw Katara look at him and his gaze melted warmly, but also faltered with worry. She wanted to know if she should get counseling? Zuko frowned, putting a hand over her own and giving it a squeeze. 

“Kat, are you okay? Are you upset…? I hope I haven’t been… I don’t know, making things hard for you,” he whispered. “You’re doing everything you can, love,” Zuko assured her, swallowing a lump in his throat. “I am so, so grateful. Katara… I don’t know if I could have done this without you. I love you. I love you so much. You’re doing so much for me- so much- more than I could ask for. But… if you want to come, I would like to ave you beside me. But, don’t feel you need to.”

* * *

“I didn’t—” Katara faded out, staring at him in confusion. There’d been some disconnect in what she meant. "I don’t want to go  _with_ you, Zuko.“

Now, he was watching her with a hurt expression, and she quickly had to backtrack before their evening took a sour turn. Though, much of her worried it was already too late. Her fingers squirmed uncomfortably in his.

“Your counseling is for you. I’d feel… intrusive or something if I were to show up and start asking for help, too.” She suddenly regretted saying  _anything_ at all, with the sickly ache that was now spreading in her stomach. “You  _need_ that safe space, a space away from me and any pressure you might feel to be  _normal_ again. If I’m with you, I’ll take that away.” 

Katara glanced down, fearing the tears that would well in her eyes if she kept looking at him, and blindly sipped at her wine. She had to be careful— delicate, in a sense, with what she shared. 

_Too much could wound him. Too little could push him away._

She took a heavy breath, setting the glass of Zinfandel aside. “It’s hard sometimes, Zuko, because everything’s been so one-sided lately. I don’t blame you at all for that— I know you need time.”

“The problem is, I’m not getting what I need. Some days, it feels like it did when I was with Aang.” 

* * *

  He wasn’t enough– not right now, anyway. Her words stung, but if it was how she felt, they were what he needed to hear. His hand gripped hers tighter as she spoke, and he bit his lip. Aang– he was acting like Aang. What could be worse than that? She’d confided in him everything about how she felt with Aang, and he’d never wanted to make her feel the way Aang had, yet here he was, doing just that. He needed to give her enough. He wracked his mind for ways to show this more clearly. He’d brought her the flowers, left out coffee, and suggested their teenage date night spot. But, those were menial gestures in the grand scheme. 

   He wasn’t the same. He was scared he never would be. What if the Zuko that she loved was gone? What if the man she fell in love with was so deeply covered in rubble that he would never be uncovered? What would happen? He’d lose her. That’s what would happen. He was lacking everything- he was hardly stable enough at the moment for himself- how could he be for her all this time? He was only now bouncing back slowly, but surely. But, all this time, he wasn’t. And, he couldn’t satisfy her sexually either. He’d have to do both or he’d be alone. He was fed up with himself- and increasingly frustrated with each passing day. 

   “Kat…” he began, taking in a shaky breath, “I’m sorry,” he told her genuinely. “I’m so sorry. I– I love you so much, and… if you can’t feel that then I… I’m so sorry because you deserve to know that, and nothing is more important to me than you knowing how much I love you,” he stressed, “And how much I appreciate you, and–” he released the breath just as shakily. “Please tell me what I can do to be enough again. I don’t want to hurt you. If you need to go to therapy, I- I think you should. I never thought it’d help me. I just went… because you wanted me to, but… I don’t know if I’d still be blaming myself for what happened if I hadn’t. So, it’s worth a try, I- I think, but… I’m sorry because, love… it’s my fault you feel that you  _need_  to.”

* * *

She could see it in his face— that blame and self-doubt— and Katara silently cursed herself for not keeping her mouth clamped shut. 

She’d been fine all this time. For ten months, she’d been holding it together and holding it in. Zuko needed her more than she needed happiness. He  _required_ her support and love in everything if he were to recover. She was his rock and his person. 

The issue was, she had no one. Katara felt  _alone_. 

On the nights she wanted to scream and rage— at him or at Mai or simply at the darkened sky— she couldn’t. He was always there, lying beside her in a fitful sleep and she  _had_ to repress everything but this burdening obligation to heal. 

Ten months gone and she’d done just that… only to tear him apart now.  _Why didn’t she keep her mouth shut?_

Katara hissed through her nose, feeling a knife twist through her at the soft words on his lips.  _I love you. I’m sorry. I appreciate you._ She was nothing but a selfish bitch.  _“Zuko!”_

She said his name too loud, drawing eyes from around the room, but at least it caught him off so she could speak. 

“Don’t go there.” Her voice faded to a softness, as her lashed rimmed with shiny tears in response to the fatigue tightening his jaw. “This isn’t your fault. You’re the victim, love. I shouldn’t be pushing my pain onto you when you’re barely coping with your own.”

“I love you.  _So much._  You’re an amazing hus—” A plate of sushi landed in her field of vision, interrupting the somber conversation with the scent of warm rice. Normally, it’d start her mouth watering, but Katara felt sick. 

She found his somber stare as the waitress wandered away. Like her, he wasn’t even reaching for his food. After a moment of silence, Katara muttered what they both seemed to be thinking, “Should we just go home?” 

* * *

   Zuko felt guilt eat at him. She was allowed to be hurt. Katara had been helping him shoulder this pain for almost a year. He’d been tiring her out for a year, and she was holding so much in for him. He knew that, and he felt selfish. This was going on too long, and she needed to let it out- and because how it had to do with him- she couldn’t go to him, and he’d always been her support system. But, this was about him- over him- so she couldn’t, or felt she couldn’t. This was all for his sake. 

   He felt sick to his stomach now because he was eating her alive. “You’re allowed to hurt, Kat,” Zuko whispered, then looking at her with shimmering eyes. “This must be hard on you. It means so much to me that you’re helping me through this, but… I– I realize it must not be easy. This has been going on so long, and… it must hurt you that I’m… I’m not  _me_  exactly right now. I am sorry. I want to be here for you. I want to be everything you need, and I’m so sorry. Let me be sorry because I am. You don’t deserve to feel this way,” he went on, laughing out somberly. “I’m a lucky man. I know I’m a lucky man. Most people would be gone by now, they’d be fed up, or still mad– but you’re still here beside me through it all. You’re such an amazing, selfless, and loving person, Katara. Please– never feel bad about anything you feel about this because–” he cut himself short as she spoke, and she then too was interrupted by the waiter. 

   But, both of them were just poking at the food, their appetite diminished. That too had guilt ebbing at him. This was supposed to be a night where they were getting better. He was supposed to be normal again. This was supposed to be happy. He was trying to make things go on the path upwards again. But, he hurt her again. He fucked it up again. Again, he wasn’t enough for his wife and he felt sick. He wanted to go home because he felt awful and guilty and terrible and all he wanted to do was prove to her how much he loved her. But, he didn’t know what to do, and that felt even worse. Going home seemed too that things would be worse, sadder, and he didn’t know what to do. 

   “If… If you want to,” he whispered, “If we do, we should at least get a box…” he added, taking in a deep breath, and setting down his fork and looking at her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry, love.”


	9. Chapter 9

Katara flagged the waitress down, asking for two boxes and their check. Even if she forced herself to eat, she wouldn’t be able to keep it down, and something told her Zuko was right. She was hurting and angry and she needed to let that be. No amount of cover up would hide the wounds she’d been carrying around for almost a year. 

_But she still felt guilty._

“I’m sorry, too,” she whispered, letting the tears slip free as they left the restaurant behind. Zuko had his hand on his back while they walked to the car, like he was supporting her as much as himself, but she could feel the suppressed sorrow shaking through his limbs. “Zuko…”

Katara didn’t know what to say next.  _What could she say?_ He’d faced an atrocity she’d never relate to. Maybe silence was what they needed for now. But Zuko seemed hellbent on getting some rise from her as he drove them home.   

_‘ Do you want to watch a movie? ‘_

“No.” 

_‘ Do you want a glass of wine? ‘_

“No.” 

_‘ Kat… ‘_

“What?!”

Then nothing… he stopped asking questions to fill the void, and Katara kept quiet for the remainder of the ride. Nothing was said when they parked at their building. Only sad smiles and nervous touches spoke for them as they climbed the familiar stairs. 

_She just wanted to be happy._

They rounded the corner, coming into the corridor that lead to their apartment’s door. She  _could_ smile fondly over the simple decor they’d put up together. Thanksgiving was coming and the two of them loved the holiday enough to make wreath and set up pumpkins for the entirety of November. 

Even if their hearts were heavy, they  _stlll_ had those little moments of joy to cling to. She swung her hand into his, letting her spirits lift and hoping her felt the same. 

“We’ll be okay,” Katara assured him. She knew she said those words a lot, both out of concern for him and a steadfast strength she needed for herself, but they never lost their potency. 

Zuko’s lips curved up at the corners and he stopped them five doors down from their own _. ‘I believe you, Kat.’_

“I love you.” She lifted up to kiss him, her arms wrapping around his neck in a moment of solidarity. They could make it. One bad night didn’t have to define their entire future. Katara clung to that. 

But a rustle behind them made her turn and a faint squall pricked at her ears. “Do you hear crying?” 

* * *

 

   Zuko felt like shit, but now he didn’t want it to show. This wasn’t fair. Nothing happened to her, yet she was going through the wringer for it. He just wanted to do something- anything- to show her how much he loved her. He did not want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her. He didn’t know what he’d do if after all this, he still lost her, and Mai won- she got what she wanted and wrecked them. They had to be okay. He had to snap out of this- he needed to push himself further, like ripping off a bandaid. Maybe tonight they could try again- maybe they could be intimate again. Maybe that would help something. He hadn’t made love to her in almost a year. She must hate that as much as he did, but she wasn’t the one preventing it. He was. This was him- and she was dealing with it out of love– for  _him_.

    He tried to do something: anything to brighten the mood, but it kept failing in the quiet, somber car ride back home. Zuko then just threw up his coat’s hood and leaned against the cold window as she drove. The coat could hide his tears, and his hands in his pockets could hide the trembling and how tightly he gripped. He just felt like he was being swallowed by guilt he had been repressing. The guilt was always there- he’d told his therapist about it. But, he made it seem like there was no reason for it. Seeing Katara so upset lead Zuko to disagree. The guilt was entirely warranted. 

     His heart still felt heavy as they walked forward hand-in-hand. The cornucopia window sticker, the flag with the pilgrims and Native Americans dining over turkey, the pumpkins outside– they were all comforting. They brought him down to earth again, away from the pain. They reminded him of how they put up decorations on November first, and he put Christmas music on, and she complained about preemptive Christmas celebrations the entire time while they laughed and teased each other, and reminisced over the silly memories each piece of decor held. He was anticipating the holiday fondly. They were going to Hakoda’s- Sokka and Suki, their baby, and his uncle would all be there. It would be nice, and he couldn’t wait for the warmth. 

   As his mind drifted to brighter thoughts, she stopped him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and Zuko couldn’t help but give her that big, stupid, crooked grin that was reserved just for her as she looked into his eyes. Dammit, did he love this woman so. Her words uplifted his heart and he kissed her back deeply, arms around her waist as he muttered the words back as they pulled apart. They would be okay. He knew it. They’d get through this- they could. 

   But, a faint sound of whimpering interrupted their tender moment. They both turned as Zuko held his arm around her waist. The sound grew louder– it was crying, and it was getting harder. Zuko shot his wife a quizzical stare as he began looking around. Why in the hell was there crying? Zuko looked around, checking behind bushes, and glancing into windows. But, nothing– though, the closer he encroached on his own home- the clearer it became. Zuko’s heart raced as he walked up the path, and there was a flimsy basket. Zuko gulped, and turned it around, and there she was. A crying, beautiful, little baby. She had a cheap blanket strewn over her, but underneath she was bare. Zuko instinctively lifted the child to his arms, holding her close as he tried to quiet her. 

   He walked quickly to Katara, holding the baby close, though he looked like he just saw a ghost. “Kat! Kat, oh my God!” panicked Zuko. “Kat, we have to call the police! Someone just–! Look!” he cried, his head gesturing to the child. “Kat, it’s a baby! This is a baby! Someone just threw their own child on our doorstep! Why!? Why would someone do that!?” Zuko shouted, appalled by the situation. The thought of a child being neglected and unwanted resonated very deeply with him. It repulsed him. “What the hell is wrong with people!? They could give her to the hospital for adoption if they couldn’t take care of her! It’s so cold, she’s like ice! We have to go inside, we have to get help– the police, something!”

* * *

 

Her eyes sprang wide, then she sprang into action. Katara shed her coat, wrapping it tightly around the barely covered bundle in Zuko’s arms. “Come on.” 

“We need to get her warmed up,” Katara ushered him through the door, feeling the same level of fear that appeared across his face. The child was sobbing, a heart-breaking, terrorizing sound in their silent entryway. 

_Who would just leave their baby behind?_

She hurried towards the kitchen, puling milk from the fridge and a leftover bottle from the few visits Sokka had made. “I’ll heat this up— you, sit. Be gentle with her head.” Katara pointed at one of the bar stools, then busied herself with the microwave. 

When the bottle was done, she brought it to her husband. He took it with shaking fingers, still rambling about the police and the cold and the baby.  _Goddamn, the baby._

She had no clue what to do, besides call anyone to get this child help. Leaving Zuko at the island, she drifted over to the phone. Katara clicked through the missed calls, first checking for anything from the neighbors or someone who might’ve seen something, before picking up the receiver to phone the local police station. A flashing read light caught her attention though, stopping her thumb on the number 9. Someone had left a message.

She hit play.

_‘Hello, Katara. Zuko.’_

An all-too-familiar sneer froze her blood and Zuko turned as white as a ghost, his pale skin only rivaled by the newborn against his chest.

_‘_ _I’m guessing, by now, that you’ve found it.’_

There was a snort, so disgusting and cold it was all Katara could do not to vomit. She met Zuko’s eyes over the kitchen counter, then glanced down at the baby girl in his arms. 

_‘Nine months I carried that thing… the last little gift your husband ever left me… beside his hard cock between my legs. Since he’s more of the sentimental type, and likely so overjoyed about our night together, I thought he might like the reminder.’_

“She—” Katara blinked away fat tears, feeling the weight of the world descend on her in an instant. “Zuko, the baby is  _yours.”_

* * *

 

   Zuko cradled the baby in his arms, trying everything to shush her, and assuage the poor infant. This was so horrible, and he couldn’t wrap his mind around who would ever do something so sickening. Katara dashed around like a madwoman, trying to do something, and she bolted around as scattered as his head felt. He looked at the baby then. She was beautiful. She had soft, fair skin- maybe a little too fair right now- and her eyes were the same, rare, soft, amber hue as his. She had little locks of black hair, and the sight of her melted his heart, rekindling his desire to have a baby. 

    But, with Katara– not Mai. 

   When the answering machine began to play, Zuko felt the color draining from his skin. His heart began to thud erratically, and his breath stilled, his stomach dropped. He wanted to scream– and hurl. He felt vile. Every ounce of progress he made felt thrown in his face at the sound of her taunting words. She had no remorse, she was proud of it, she was punishing this baby for it, she was taunting his wife. Zuko couldn’t take it. He felt like he was dying, and he wanted to. He stood up, his eyes sunken, dull– and sheer terror echoed in them. He was shaking like a leaf on the tip of a branch in the wind, and he was scared he was going to drop this baby– his daughter. His head was spinning, and he handed his wife his infant. 

   Zuko’s held breath released, and came out in a panicked rhythm. He stumbled towards the door, shaking his head in denial. He had no shoes, and no coat, but he took the keys, and rambled almost incoherently, “I– I have to go… I need… I gotta–” he fumbled, hands trembling visibly- blatantly. The keys jingled in his unsteady hold, and he looked at his wife, looking broken as tears rolled from her face and she clutched the baby. “I- I can’t… I can’t… I’m not… I–I… fuck… I can’t… I just– I-I’ll be back… I just… I have to… she knows where– and I–” Zuko stammered as he walked out the door, going to the car. 

   He turned on the engine, and pulled away barely. His hands were clutching the wheel until his knuckles were white, and his hands were shaking. He blared the radio that was playing that preemptive Christmas music his wife hated so, trying to drown out his terror as he sped down the streets of San Diego. He kept going until he got to Petco Park. He remembered his uncle bringing him to Padres’ games when he was young, and all he wanted was to go into that moment again. Not his childhood per se, but just that fleeting memory in time where it was okay, and he was eating a hot dog, his uncle ruffled his hair before putting his own cap on his nephew’s head and he bought him ice cream out of that helmet bowl that he still sat on a shelf. 

   He parked in the lot, knowing that a cop would likely come to his door, and make him leave the closed off area, but he didn’t give a damn, frankly. Zuko jerkily parked the car, and when he did he stared at the dark lights of the off-season sign for the park, and he threw his head on the wheel while  _Feliz Navidad_  juxtaposed his feelings. Heavy sobs came out of his throat as he wept. His fist hit the wheel in frustration, followed by his forehead as he just cried. He didn’t want Katara to see him completely break down, but out here he let it all go and he couldn’t breathe. It was like water was filling his lungs and he was drowning as his sobs went deeper and he choked on his breath- hyperventilating. It was all starting to look up– and this happened. 

   He didn’t know what to do anymore, and felt defeated. Katara had wanted a baby so badly, and he was such a mess, ruining her, draining her, hurting her– that he couldn’t give her that. Now, he had given it to Mai, and that was going to kill her, and he couldn’t do anything about it. This baby was innocent. But, he was mortified he may always look at her and see what happened. But, this was his child- his daughter- and he cried harder knowing he now had a child. He made a baby, and he didn’t even know- he didn’t want to, not with her, never with Mai. He wanted to erase it all, but this was his own child and he had to raise her. He would not abandon in his own baby– he would not be Ozai.

   Zuko sat with his head on the wheel, crying quietly, his face blotchy, red, wet as  _Feliz Navidad_ went to  _Last Christmas_  and  _Last Christmas_  went to _Jingle Bell Rock_  and  _Jingle Bell Rock_  finally met his mood at  _Blue Christmas_. At least an hour had passed, and he pursed his lips, thinking of his wife and how much he loved her, and how worried she must be. She must be as broken, and there alone with his child that she didn’t ask for- a baby her husband had with another woman. Guilt ebbed at him again, and he turned the key, and wiped his face, trying to pull himself together as he came home. 

    When he arrived home, he took a deep breath, and no matter how he tried to clean himself up, he was still red and puffy. He opened the door, and saw Katara standing in the kitchen, still holding the baby. Zuko hesitantly walked up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her from behind, his head on her back as he murmured into her, “ _I’m so fucking sorry, Kat_.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Zuko?!” She followed him from the kitchen, reading the distress all over his face but finding herself at a loss as to what to do. His eyes were dark, glinting an unfocused gold all over, looking at anything but her. “Zuko, what—”

Before she could blink, the baby was pushed into her arms and his keys were tugged from the hook by the door. He had no coat and no fucking shoes, yet he seemed to be ignoring all reason as he tore the lock open. "Where are you going?!“ 

_He was **leaving**  her._

That’s all her mind could register. After ten months of her sanity being pushed to its limits, ten months of her soothing his nightmares and easing his days and giving and giving  **and giving…**

_He was gone._

The door slammed abruptly in her face, making both Katara and the newborn jump in the hall. And then there was silence— no more distressed murmurs or broken sobs, save for the building squall of the little girl she held to her breast. 

Mai’s daughter.  _Zuko’s daughter_. Katara tried not to vomit. 

But she couldn’t blame the baby. She couldn’t even blame Zuko. As much as she hated this situation and hated that he had a child but it wasn’t _**with her** —_  _God, she wanted a baby so badly—_  Katara couldn’t fault anyone but Mai for this current predicament. 

She glanced down at the girl in her arms. Her fingers whispered through dark locks of hair. Watery eyes were clamped shut, hiding the gold that surely matched Zuko’s, and tiny fists swatted away at the tattered blanket. And she was cold, still  _so_ cold.  _“Shh…_  It’s okay, sweetie.” 

Katara took them both to the master bedroom, where she shifted the girl to one side of her chest as she sifted through Zuko’s drawer of sweatshirts. A soft, fluffy hoodie brushed her palm. Katara pulled it out. She sat with the baby on the bed and gently tugged tiny arms and legs free of the blanket, quickly replacing the rough fabric with Zuko’s sweater. 

When she was bundled up again, wrapped in both soft cotton and a fleece blanket, Katara carried her back to the kitchen. The bottle of milk was still half full, waiting on the counter, but with the baby dozing comfortably, Katara decided just to let her rest. They could get formula and diapers in the morning…

_…and clothes. And little socks. And **a crib.**_

She knew Zuko would insist on keeping his child, no matter what Katara thought of the situation. No matter how badly she wanted their first baby to be  _her_ baby. She swallowed tightly, lost in her thoughts and the slow, rocking pattern she was making in front of the kitchen island.

Katara didn’t hear him return until his lips were pressed to the back of her neck and  _‘I’m sorry’_  spilled out against her skin. 

His apology sent shivers down her spine… she couldn’t for the life of her guess at what he was apologizing for. He didn’t mean for this to happen. He never wanted this to happen. He couldn’t be sorry for any of that. 

It only left one answer then— the little girl was  _staying_ and Zuko was apologizing because he knew what that meant. His first born wasn’t  _hers. S_ he wouldn’t look like her. She would never call her  _‘Mom’_  because that’d be a lie. 

Katara leaned forward far enough to be out of his reach, biting down on the building pain behind her sternum.  _ **“Me too.”**_

* * *

 

   She stepped away from him, and it broke his heart for even Katara was distancing herself from him now. He felt like he was losing his mind, and he didn’t know what to do. Mai’s taunting words on the answering machine played in his head like a broken record, and he couldn’t stop shaking. He stepped backwards then, afraid for what now was going to happen. He knew he had to keep his daughter, Mai knew him well enough to know that. Katara must know too, and if Katara didn’t want this baby– he and Mai’s baby– would she go? He felt sick. 

   Zuko walked over to the couch, shaking, skin sallow, and he plopped into the couch. He wrapped his arms around himself as he trembled and some silly, local news story played. His lip quivered, and he leaned forward, grabbing a pillow off the sofa and putting it on his lap as he leaned into it, gripping it tight– and he cried. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t fix this, he couldn’t help Katara, and she didn’t even feel loved anymore. What good was he for anything? Mai had ruined him, and he felt like nothing, and all he could do was cry. 

   Tears still flowed, but he got quiet enough to look up, and look at her- holding his baby. “Kat… I’m sorry. I’m sorry about this. I’m sorry I’m not enough anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry I drove away like that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that my baby is with… her, and I’m sorry I slept with her, and I’m sorry I’m hurting you. I’m sorry I’m sucking everything out of you and hurting you. I’m so sorry- you don’t deserve this. You deserve better than this. I’m sorry,” choked Zuko, the sob breaking again as he shakily stood, extending his arms to take the baby. “You know I have to keep her…  _I’m sorry_.”

* * *

 

Their fingers brushed as Zuko took his daughter, but Katara pulled her hands away as quickly as she could. There was no comfort left in his touch. She felt disconnected from him and distraught in her thoughts, so much so that comforting him right now wasn’t something she could handle. She could barely comfort herself.

 _They were keeping her._  She’d expected as much, knowing the past her husband faced, but the complete lack of discussion left Katara reeling. 

“We’ll have to name her— and the police need to be notified,” she murmured, keeping her voice even and strong. Any weakness couldn’t be read in the hardening line of her lips, and any resentment that built was quickly swept under the rug. 

_She couldn’t blame him. She couldn’t blame the baby._

Katara sat in a lounge chair across from him, staring blindly at the TV for a moment. Her thoughts drifted all over the place… to the night she found him ten months ago, to all the therapy he’d been attending, to now… the second she watched all their recovery be ripped away from them. 

She wasn’t sure she could do this. She wasn’t even sure she  _wanted_ to. But she’d made a promise years ago to stand by his side through anything, and Katara would be damned if she let that go to shit. 

Still, her fingers flitted over her stomach, where she’d hoped with everything in her that she’d carry his baby. And they followed a path over her ribs and her sternum and her neck— places he hadn’t touched in almost a year, places his lips would likely never venture again. 

 _Because, what was the point?_  He had his little girl, his dream of being a father was fulfilled, and he wouldn’t  _need_ to touch her now. But Katara was being a selfish bitch for letting this drag her down.  _Wasn’t she?_ He was the one recovering… not her. 

* * *

 

     Zuko felt sick. He tried to soothe this baby, his daughter, but he was shaking- hearing Mai’s words still booming in his head as she described so graphically what she did. “I- I know,” Zuko choked out, voice hoarse with tears. He opened his mouth to offer to let her name the baby, but he was scared to. She seemed furious with him, and he didn’t know what to do. He felt alone, and he was scared. Zuko held the baby close, she was warm now, and she brought him a surprising comfort. 

   This baby, his baby, wouldn’t judge him, or be angry with him, or frustrated. All the baby wanted was love, and all she could give was love. Their was a comforting simplicity in that, and Zuko went back to the sofa, holding her close. He leaned back, rubbing the baby’s little back as she drifted to sleep and fat tears welled in Zuko’s eyes, dripping down his cheek. He glanced to his wife, and his heart ached with pain. He wondered if she loved him anymore or if this was it. He was scared. 

   “You can say no, but… Katara… I– I want you to be the baby’s mom. I– I want you to help me raise the baby, but… only if you want to. Please be honest with me,” Zuko asked, staring at the television blindly as tears fell, and he tried to escape the heavy feeling of dying. All he wanted was to be okay. He didn’t even need happy- he just needed okay. He was so close to okay, but  it was snatched away in an instant. It wasn’t fair- and he felt himself slipping deeper into despair. He was so gone, he was sure there was little left Katara wanted from him now. He was scared she remained for pity, and he never would want that. He wanted her to be happy and free, and now he just felt like a lost cause and a burden- not a work in progress to recovery in a temporary bind. He felt he’d only drag her down, and he loved her more than anything in the world, so his chest ached at such a horrid prospect. 

* * *

 

“If I say  _no_ , then what?” She grimaced at him, letting a long silence descend in the room because they both knew what saying  _no_  meant. Her only option was to accept this, to accept the baby as her own, or lose  _him._

And she’d spend way too long trying to hold them together to just let go.

Katara could feel his eyes on her, but she couldn’t bring herself to look up from where her hands trembled on her thighs. Even if nothing was ever mended, if this was the end of their fight, she had to be honest with him. 

“I’m hurting—” she started, picking at her nails nervously— “You have a daughter now, just like you’ve always wanted, and all I have is a reminder of the  _worst times_  we’ve faced and the woman who stole your body and soul from me.” 

She glanced over the slumbering girl, tears filling her eyes to match those that spilled from Zuko’s. “That’s not my baby and it’s going to kill me… every time I look at her and only see you and Mai. But you know I’ll love this little girl like she’s mine.” 

* * *

 

   Zuko’s lip quivered yet again, and all he could do was hold the baby closer. He didn’t know what was going to happen, and he hated hanging on the limb of uncertainty. He literally felt queasy, and he wanted to run away and never come back. But, he couldn’t. That’d be worse, and he’d really be alone. His therapist said focus on the good, but it felt hard to do when everything was going to shit. But– he did have his uncle, didn’t he? He did have Katara- right? Despite what his doubts were taunting him. He had Hakoda and Sokka- they cared about him too. He wasn’t as alone as he felt… right? 

   “I’m sorry,” he choked out Zuko in desperation. “I really am. I’m sorry. I know you’re hurting, and I don’t know what to do. I want to help you- I hate seeing you in pain, and I know it’s my fault, but I don’t know how to stop. I’m trying. I’m trying so fucking hard, Kat– but it’s not enough. I am not enough,” he whimpered. “I’m not enough for you, and I’m not even enough for myself. I’m not brave enough to get through this, I’m not strong enough to be over it, I’m not smart enough to let go, I’m not good enough to help you. I’m not enough and I never have been, and I never will be,” he cried. 

   “I want you, Katara. All I have ever wanted is you. I still want you. I will always want you. I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want this. I never wanted this. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I didn’t want my body and soul taken without my permission, and I didn’t want to be drugged, and I didn’t want to fall apart, and I didn’t want to have a baby with Mai, and I didn’t want to break your heart especially,” he cried, “And, I am sorry. I’m really, really– really sorry,” Zuko apologized. 

   “You… you’re  _everything_  to me. But, I’m really scared. I’m really scared that I’ll… _I’ll lose you,_ ” he whispered, pinching his eyes shut.  _That you hate me, that I’ve broken you, that I’m draining you, that I’m a fucking burden everyone would be better off without._ “I’m scared I’ll look at my daughter and see Mai and what happened, and I’m scared you will too, and I’m scared it’ll affect how we treat her, and that would be the sickest thing of all. She doesn’t deserve that. She deserves love and care– and… I have to move past this for her- and for you if anything. I have to move past it so I can go on because I’m dying inside right now. I feel like I’m dying, and I’m just so angry!” Zuko shouted as tears leaked through, “Because it was getting better! It was! We were- I was on the right track, I was almost there, and now I feel like I just slipped through more cracks and I can’t breathe anymore all over again, and I don’t want to put you through this anymore. I– I can’t stand myself, I can’t look in the mirror, I—”

* * *

 

“ _Stop shouting,_  Zuko!” She hissed across the room, then stood to take the baby from him before his restlessness could wake her. 

Katara left him on the couch for a moment, taking the little girl to the bedroom to put her down for the night. Without a crib, she did the best with what they had— a pile of pillows along the bottom and around the sides of their tub. She swaddled the baby tightly, as Gran-Gran taught her years ago, then laid her down and came back to the living room. 

He hadn’t moved in the fifteen minutes she’d been gone, and Katara rounded on him with a torrent of tears dripping from her chin. “You don’t get to give up now, Zuko. You don’t get to throw in the towel and tell me you’re not good enough.”

She knew she sounded harsh and unrelenting, but it had to be said. She had to get it off her chest before she lost  _herself._

“I’ve done everything for you. Absolutely everything.” Katara felt like her heart was cracking in two. “I’ve held this relationship together and held you together for ten months, Zuko!” 

_It’s not enough._

_I am not enough._

_I’m not even enough for myself._

Every word felt like a knife to the gut, like he was denying every ounce of progress he’d made and now, denying her. Did he even  _want_ her? Did he want this marriage? Or was giving in to the pain easier for him? 

Katara’s hand flew to her forehead, her fingers digging into her temples until her knuckles bled white. She  _had_ to calm down. She needed to  _breathe_  before she hurt him. 

“Zuko—” His name came out on a sigh, the only evidence that she was barely containing her urge to scream. “You are the love of my life. I’d do absolutely anything for you, if it meant you felt whole again. You know that, don’t you?” 

* * *

 

  She took the baby, and he didn’t know where she put her. He couldn’t do anything but watch like he was on the outside looking in as tears leaked off his face, leaving him a blotchy, tear-stung, snotty mess. Zuko couldn’t stop shaking, and he clung to the pillow like it was his life support. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he cried, running a shaking hand through his hair, and squeezing it as tightly as he could as tears dribbled thickly over his lip and off his chin, leaving a wet stain on the pillow. 

   “I know, I know, believe me– Kat, I know you have done everything for me. You’ve done so much more than anyone else would ever do. I will never, ever be able to repay you for how you’ve been by my side through… everything. And, I’ll always hate myself for what I’ve done to you this past year,” he spoke. “I love you, Katara. I’m so… I’m so, so sorry that you don’t even feel like that anymore, but I swear to God I love you more than anything. I want to have a baby with you, Kat. I still do. I want everything with you. I want to have kids- I want us to have sex again, I want to be normal again, fuck– do I want that so bad,” he cried, burying his face into the pillow again and crying harder until he turned his head, swallowing thickly as he took a steadying breath. 

  “I’m done. I’m done crying. I– I’m not going to let this control me anymore. I’m done being weak. I’m done being a baby. I’m done hurting you. I’m done not being enough. I– I refuse to keep acting like this- so pathetic and weak. I have to try harder. I’m not trying hard enough– like a lot of things, I haven’t been enough, but I’m going to try even harder. I promise you, this is done. I– I’m going to go back to the way I was before this happened,” Zuko swore, standing up then, trying to stop his shaking, but it was involuntary, and it wouldn’t go away- and it gave a glimpse to his facade. Mai’s words still rung in his head. 

   “I won’t lose you because I was too weak to be your husband when things got hard. I won’t let it happen because I’ll have no one to blame but myself. I promise you, Katara, this is over. The one-sidedness… the acting like Aang. I’m going to treat you the way you deserve again. I  _promise_.”

* * *

 

She stepped forward, closing the space between them until her hands could grip his waist. He was shaking and it hardly abated at her touch, something Katara took responsibility for as she’d been yelling at him just seconds ago. 

“Love…  _I’m sorry,”_  she murmured, finding her nose pressed to his chest to comfort herself as much as him. “It’s going to be okay, Zuko. You’re going to be okay. We’ve come so far… and we’ll keep going.” 

Katara linked their fingers, tugging him towards the bedroom where his— their daughter was sleeping. “I know it’s hard and I know you feel weak and helpless, but we have a future.” 

“Come on. _Look_  at her,” she encouraged, nudging her husband to sit on the edge of the tub so he could peer down at the tired little girl. “Don’t you see? There’s hope in her. There’s  _always_  hope springing up from somewhere… we just have to cling to it.” 

They were quiet for a bit, holding each other in the bathroom as they watched the baby sleep. For the time being, Katara wanted to push away their worries and anxiety. The morning would come, and there’d be a fresh day to fret and cry and scream. The baby was calming, though, and it brought a sense of warmth Katara hadn’t expected. 

“That’s what we should name her _— Izumi—_  it means spring.” She smiled at Zuko, wrapping her arms around his neck in a somber hug. “Tomorrow, we’ll get her a crib and some clothes… We’ll make a life with her.” 

* * *

 

  When she closed the gap, Zuko faltered, falling into her arms and holding her tight. “I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to lose you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” Zuko whispered into her hair, as his shaking hands tried to rub soothing circles on her back. 

   She pulled him to the bathroom, and then, he saw the baby in the tub- she as innocent, and pure. She was full of love, and she really did warm his heart. Zuko smiled lightly, sitting on the edge of the tub as Katara gestured. Zuko’s shaky hand ran affectionately over her lower thigh and knee, trying to comfort her as they watched the baby.  

    When his wife named the baby, he smiled warmly, tears rolling down his cheek. “Izumi…” Zuko whispered, giving her knee a gentle squeeze, his eyes melting on the baby. “That’s a beautiful name for our baby,” he insisted. Zuko relished in her embrace, and tried to still his tears. He meant his promise. He meant every word. He was done crying and fretting and hurting her with his inability to move on. He was going to move on, or at least fake that he had– for her sake. He refused to lose her or this marriage- he refused to break her any more. He’d give her anything she wanted. 

   Zuko rubbed her back, and kissed her cheek affectionately, holding in any painful sob that still lingered with Mai’s echoing words. “Okay… we can go to Target or Babies R Us… something,” Zuko agreed, his grip tightening as he thought of his family. His uncle was going to have to know where this baby came from. Hakoda was going to have to know. Sokka and Suki would have to know. He felt sick all over again, but he repeated himself the mantra that he wasn’t going to let it show. He was going to keep it in– she’d done so much for him, the least he could do was hide his grief for her sake. 


	11. Chapter 11

They slept fitfully that night, waking every few hours to feed and change Izumi. In the quiet moments, when they were lying in bed with her and listening to her soft breaths, Katara and Zuko fought to hang on to the tidbit of happiness they might find. 

They had her— a little girl— and she was a beauty. 

And eventually, things got better. Thanksgiving edged closer, the weeks flying by with numerous purchases of clothing, diapers, and a pink crib. Their spare room was painted and decorated. Zuko found a rocking chair that he loved and his evenings were spent with a happy Izumi resting on his chest. 

Katara would spend her off nights with them. She sat on the floor, leaning back against Zuko’s legs with a book, and read aloud to the pair of them. And she’d observe— Izumi had Zuko’s eyes and his shy smile. Her hair was dark and thick, with an unruly wave that matched his shaggy mop. And she offered a deep love that her father needed, something unconditional and healing that helped stitch his heart back together. 

On top of it all, Katara had to admit that she loved the baby right back. She looked forward to leaving the hospital, to finding Izumi smiling in Zuko’s arms, to falling asleep with the little girl in her arms. They’d raise her right. They’d raise her to be happy. 

As much as she wanted a child of her own, as much as she suppressed the urge to plead with her husband to try for a pregnancy, things were sort of normal… and she was  _content._

Today was different though. A sense of nervous energy hung in the air and Zuko paced back and forth in the kitchen while she prepped the turkey. “Love?” 

“Zuko— stop.” She fought for his attention, catching his wrist as he passed. “No amount of agitation is going to make this any easier.  _Sit,_ please. Let’s talk.” 

Katara’s eyes followed him to a barstool. He fiddled with the toys on Izumi’s highchair tray, before sighing resignedly. 

“My dad’s coming… and your uncle… and Sokka and Suki. We  _have_ to tell them  _something.”_

* * *

 

   Zuko loved Izumi with all his heart. He decided, despite the circumstances, that she was a blessing. Mai didn’t deserve Izumi, and he found Mai’s plans had backfired for Izumi made him and his wife happy. They both loved her, and he refused to look at her as anything other than a pure joy. 

   He’d gone on with his pledge to not show any more pain in front of her for about a week. Until Katara found him crying in the car by coincidence while she drove home from work. He’d gotten a substitute, and he couldn’t beat to work- he was hurting too much that day. She talked him out of this guising of his pain, and assured him she didn’t want him bottling it up- that she was still here for him. He kept going to the therapist as well, and Katara took one up herself. It was helping, things were slowly getting better again. 

    But, today Zuko felt sick to his stomach. He felt like a burden again to his wife. They were trying to be happy, it was Thanksgiving. Why couldn’t he just be happy? Why did he have to ruin everything for her? Why couldn’t he make her happy like he used to? 

    But, he was mortified. He was shaking at the thought, rustling on the couch as the Macy’s Day Parade played. Izumi was napping, and his distraction was gone. The floats weren’t enough to stray his worries, and Katara caught on. Which, he wasn’t happy about. He was trying to spare her his misery. He was sick of hurting her.  He felt like a weight on her shoulders that she couldn’t get off. 

   He sat, and twiddled his thumbs as his hands trembled over the counter. “I– I know… I know, love. I know we have to tell them something. I’m just– I’m so ashamed. I’m so embarrassed. I feel… I don’t know. I can’t do it. I can’t… I don’t think I can do this,” he told her, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m… I’m scared of how they’ll react or think of me or…” he rambled, tears welling in his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it to them. I didn’t ever want to, but I– I have to or they’ll think… they’ll think I cheated on you or…” he rambled. “They might still insist I did. What if they don’t believe me? What if they think I’m lying? What if they say it’s my fault? What if they laugh? What if they’re ashamed of me? What if they think you deserve better because I do, and I feel awful. I keep ruining everything, now holidays. You’re just trying to make the turkey, and even then I’m moping around, and this is our favorite holiday. Katara… I’m sorry, I know I’m… I’m being a nuisance, but retelling the story… it’s gonna feel like it’s happening again, and what if they ask for details, and I– I– I feel sick. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

* * *

 

“Love…” Katara went to him, cupping his cheeks in her palms with all the tenderness she could muster. She applied just enough pressure to his chin to force his eyes to hers. “They  _will not_ treat you or look at you any differently.”

Her thumb traced his scar and she willed him to remember the day they’d opened up about his childhood. Zuko’d been scared then, perhaps nearly as frightened as he was now, but Hakoda and Sokka had supported him in every way possible. 

Zuko was part of their family, not only because Katara loved him, but because they loved him, too. Perhaps, he just needed reminding of that. 

Giving him a small peck, Katara then retrieved a forgotten photo from their drawer of miscellaneous items. It was old— Zuko was  _maybe_ eighteen and he’d only been dating Katara for a few months. But Hakoda’s arm was around his shoulders and Sokka had an elbow up to his ribs.

“Zuko, look at this.” She held it out, releasing the worn matte paper when he took it in his fingers. “You were my dad’s second son before you even  _thought_  of marrying me. Sokka loves you like a brother and your uncle… He’s not in that picture, but I have thousands that display his unconditional love for you.”

Katara brushed his cheek gently, then let her hand rest over the top of his. “You are not alone in this, Zuko. They’ll still love you and they’ll love Izumi, too. And you’ll  _always_ have me.” 

* * *

 

    Zuko smiled fondly, tears in his eyes as his wife handed him the photograph. It was now about seven years old, and he loved it. He didn’t know then Sokka would become his best friend, and also his brother-in-law. He didn’t know the fatherly figure Hakoda would become so throughly. He remembered what Katara implied as she touched his damaged cheek. He remembered nervously telling them what had happened, and how he was shaking then too, but how they embraced him, and were there for him- they were angry at Ozai and accepted him. 

    Zuko gave his wife’s hand a tender squeeze. “You’re right,” he whispered, though his hand still lightly shook. “I- I have nothing to worry about with them,” he spoke, licking his lips. “But… I’m… I’m still nervous to talk about it. I’ve only talked to you and the therapist… and you were there when I found out, and that made it easier. Kat, will you… will you tell them with me? You don’t have to, I just… I don’t know. You’ve done enough for me, too much– everything– so I shouldn’t ask things of you, but I’m… I’m  _scared_.”

* * *

 

“It’ll be okay,” Katara pulled him close, her throat constricting as he sighed into her chest. She wished she could take it away… all the fear and pain he was still experiencing… but she had her own burdens to carry. 

_The attack. Izumi. The strain on their marriage._

She’d kept quiet about it all for nearly a year. The date was creeping up again, another trigger likely to send Zuko into a tailspin, and Katara had yet to tell  _anyone._  There was no support, no voice of reason for her— just whatever comforting words she could conjure up for  _him._

Katara pushed the selfish thoughts away, focusing on the joy his—  _their_  daughter brought and the cheer of the holidays. Her lips brushed his hair. “I love you… I promise, it’ll be okay.” 

* * *

 

 Zuko held Katara close, breathing against her chest as he listened to the steadiness of her heartbeat, a familiar, comforting sound. “I love you too,” he whispered, then looking up at her. “Maybe things will be better, even though I don’t want to do this. Maybe it’ll be better- for you, I mean. You’ll have someone to talk to. It won’t be a secret anymore- and I can talk to Uncle then too,” he whispered, “Maybe this is for the best,” he murmured, though he’d rather light himself on fire than have to do this- maybe after he was left with burns, it’d be better in the aftermath. He hoped. 


	12. Chapter 12

Her family arrived within the hour— first Sokka and Suki with their toddler, Koda, and then her dad knocked on the door, ushering in his second wife, Lilah, and stepson, Myka. With all of them smiling, the house suddenly felt  _full of life_ , the exact thing it’d been missing since their move. 

Katara took a plate of cookies from Myka, saying _thank you_  before the eleven year old took off after Sokka’s wandering kid. Then she wrapped her arms around her dad. “I’m so glad you could make it. Come on, come get settled.”  

Uncle Iroh came not long after, bringing with him bags of loose leaf tea and homemade cranberry sauce. “My nephew! Katara! It’s so heartwarming to see you both.” 

A jumble of hugs and chatter followed, bringing happiness and warmth to the kitchen. With the exception of the two little boys and Sokka— who was likely entertaining the pair with exaggerated stories— the family gathered around the island, prepping the last of the food and eating appetizers. Katara talked amiably with Lilah, asking about Myka’s classes and new soccer team, while Zuko filled Hakoda and Iroh in with latest news about his job and Katara’s position at the hospital. It was light and _freeing_ … for a fleeting moment.

“Hey! Sis,” Sokka called, making his way back into the kitchen with a frilly baby rattle. “I appreciate the gesture, but Koda’s getting a little too  _manly_ for this.” 

She held his gaze steadily, though Zuko’s uncomfortable shift at the island still pulled at her attention. Katara attempted to deflect her brother’s comment, “Sokka,  _he’s three_. He’s not too manly for anything yet, and so what if he likes a little pink?”

Katara looked away, feeling her cheeks redden with the quick-witted lie, and gave Zuko a reassuring smile. They’d tell the whole story… after a glass of wine and possibly when Izumi woke up from her nap… they just needed a little bit more time.  

Her father seemed to catch the thickening tension in the air, but instead of wary suspicion, his eyes held an excitement when they skimmed down the front of her, "Darling… is there  _something_  going on?“  

* * *

  When the door swung open and the smell of cinnamon, roasting turkey, and cranberry filled the air Zuko smiled. The sound of chatter, laughter, and embraces were uplifting. This was why he loved Thanksgiving. He’d hated it as a child, growing up and they’d sit lonelily until his mother cried because his father never came home. But, they all always showed up here- and they all just loved each other.  _They loved **him**_. They were all happy. It was all just happiness, love, and food. What wasn’t there to like? 

   Sokka’s words made him uncomfortable in a way that didn’t bother him before. He remembered his father finding the poems he wrote as a kid, and degrading him for being feminine, but it was what happened that had him worried. It was the Facebook comments on articles and the attitude that had him uncomfortable to hear the words from his brother’s-in-law mouth. But, Zuko shook his head, he was overreacting for sure. He smiled instead, and took a cup of tea from the counter where his uncle had prepared it. It smelled like pumpkin spice and cinnamon. 

   He sat beside Hakoda’s wife and his uncle then by the TV as The Chargers played the Eagles. “Don’t tell me you like the Vikings now?” Iroh asked Zuko with a jesting chuckle, and Zuko shook his head. 

   “No, Uncle, I was born and raised here in San Diego- the Chargers have my loyalty,” Zuko said with a warm laugh, watching as their team took the safe lead. He sighed deeply, leaning back on the couch as he ate some chips off the bowl in the table. He turned his head to see Katara talking to Hakoda– they looked serious, and it made him grow cold. 

  “Nephew, are you alright?” asked Iroh, and Zuko faked a smile and nodded as Lilah looked over with the same worried expression, a hand on his shoulder. 

  “I’m fine, I’m okay, really,” Zuko assured them both, but that was when Izumi started wailing from her bedroom, and that was when he wasn’t sure he was ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ any longer.

* * *

 

The sharp cry had everyone’s head turning to the hall except Zuko’s— his face fell into his hands and Katara watched the world descend on his shoulders in an instant. His terror was palpable, as was the shame written all across his brow. She had to step in. 

“Excuse me.” Katara skirted around her family, making her way to Izumi’s cozy nursery. She picked the baby up, smiling when she quieted almost immediately, and came back to the living room where her family waited. 

…where they  _stared…_

She could see a million questions flying through the blue eyes of her father and a hundred more reflecting in Sokka’s and Suki’s.  _Who’s is she? Where’d she come from? And why does she look so much like Zuko and **nothing** like the woman holding her? _Even Lilah seemed to be holding in a dozen questions of her own, though she hid it far better with her focus on Myka and Koda, keeping them quieted.

Iroh was the first to speak, “She’s  _beautiful._  What’s her name? Where— who— Is she adopted?” 

“Uncle, this is Izumi.“ Katara shifted so the group could see the baby’s bright, golden eyes. "And, in a sense, she is. She was adopted by me three weeks ago.” 

Her father glanced from Izumi to Zuko curiously. “By both of you, you mean?” 

“No, she’s Zuko’s biologically.” That brought another round of stares, all breath caught in tightening throats as they waited for her to explain. Katara sat beside her husband, looking to him cautiously. “Dad, something happened—” 

* * *

 

   Zuko’s heart began to thump in his chest so heavily and so quickly it was drowning out any other sounds of hushed whispers and speculation. His hands started to shake, and his face went bright red. All eyes were on him, and their visages told it all. Each word Katara spoke brought on millions of more questions. They must have thought he had an affair. Sokka and Hakoda must be fuming.  _Just tell them, Zuko. Get it out. Get it over with._

  He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, and he was left with his mouth flailing like a fish out of water. He looked and felt like an idiot. Katara grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly, and he took a deep breath, scanning his loved ones’ wide eyes. 

   Zuko closed his eyes, gulped, and took a deep breath. His eyes flickered to Myka and Koda— they didn’t need to know these things. They deserved to think of the world as warm and kind just a little longer. He and Katara were stripped of that too young, he didn’t want that for them. “Koda, Myka… there’s some Christmas decorations in the spare room. Why don’t you get some of the festive paper, and make little slips with all our names on it, we’ll draw Pollyanna in a few minutes,” Zuko told them, and Myka began to complain and pout about the baby until his mother glared at him sharply and he grumbly took himself and his nephew to the room. 

    Their eyes then burned brighter, and he could almost feel it blazing through his skin, and he swore he felt sweat through his sweater vest then. His hand grabbed Katara’s tighter, sticky and shaking as his other wracked through his hair. “Uncle, Hakoda, Sokka, Lilah… I– I know what this must look like… um…” Zuko spoke, looking at them briefly before shooting his gaze to the window, and then at Katara how nodded with a small, encouraging smile, then he saw Izumi and he smiled, letting out a deep breath- and looking back to his extended family. 

    “Last year, when I was out in Minneapolis, Mai drugged me,” he spoke, trying to be firm and brave, but the waver in his voice was palpable, and his gaze hit the rug again in deep shame, his cheeks apple red. “She… she um… took me to her place, and… well… she…  _had her way with me_ , and… that’s when… that’s why we moved, and… somehow she found us, and… we found out that’s my baby, and…” Zuko stammered, now hiding his face behind his hand in shame as he got choked up, and tears formed, and he felt so embarrassed and so small. 

   “ _I’m so sorry_.”

* * *

 

A modicum of seconds passed, each one feeling longer and quieter than the last. No one moved— Katara swore no one breathed, save for Izumi. Every set of eyes seemed to waver between her and her husband and every mouth fell agape with horror spelled out across twitching lips. 

When a sob rose up in Zuko’s throat, Iroh was the first to break the silence. “My god—” He left his place in the armchair, his arms wrapping tight about Zuko in a matter of seconds—  _“My son. I’m so sorry.”_

Hakoda came to her, his weight shifting the couch as he put a hand over hers, and he smiled softly at the baby, “So… I have a granddaughter, then. May I hold her?” 

Katara nodded, almost  _happy_ as he cradled their little girl. It was short-lived though, when Sokka’s hand gripped her knee and she met the sad eyes of him and Suki. Even Lilah looked at her and Zuko heavily— so much sympathy and sorrow shifted through everyone’s open gaze. 

“You’ve been dealing with this all alone?” Sokka asked, first watching Zuko, then squeezing her fingers, “This whole time… you didn’t think you could tell  _any_ of us?” 

Katara didn’t really respond, because the regret still written on Zuko’s face seemed to say enough. He’d been scared. He’d been ashamed. She was only respecting his wishes. 

“He’s been going to therapy. It’s helped a lot, I think, and Izumi is such a blessing to both of us,” she explained, leaning against her husband. “It’s hard to speak about, you know? Zuko’s only talked to me and his counselor and me— well, this is the first time I’ve told  _anyone.”_

* * *

 

   Zuko heard nothing and the world seemed frozen in its tracks until he felt his uncle’s arms around him. It was then everything shattered, and the earth seemed to start revolving once more. Zuko clung to his uncle for dear life and let out a dry, shaky sob- exhaling the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.  _They accepted him. They cared. They weren’t judging him._

   He just took a moment to relish in his uncle’s comfort. Just being in his arms was enough for now. Hakoda supported him, Sokka supported him, even Lilah supported him. Zuko was embarrassed as a tear escaped his eye. He was just so relieved he couldn’t believe it. He felt a giant weight fall off his shoulders. 

   When his uncle let him go, he took his place back on the couch, where Katara followed, and leaned against him. Zuko sighed warmly- contently- for once. She was right. Zuko took Katara’s hand affectionately, and he chuckled out a teary smile. “Kat’s been here for me… through everything. You should be proud of her, I’m proud of her, and… I’m so grateful– I’m  _so lucky_ ,” he told them, “-For all of you,” he spoke. “I was scared, but… Kat was right again, that was silly,” he whispered. “But… now– now that it’s out, you all can get to know our daughter, Izumi,” Zuko spoke proudly as Hakoda held his granddaughter. His heart warmed remembering that that was how Hakoda addressed her. Even Hakoda was taking her in. He was lucky. He didn’t deserve this. 

   His appetite was back now, and he couldn’t wait for the turkey again. He was excited for the pumpkin pie, and he eagerly picked up the cup of tea, and actually wanted to grab a can of beer from the fridge. The strain of worrying over this was gone, and he just felt accepted among his family- yes, his family- and for once he felt truly  _happy_. 

* * *

 

Of course the festivities had to be ruined. Of course the lightness that her family and their love brought had to come crashing down. Wasn’t that the way life worked? One minute she was happy, and the next—

Katara was alone in the kitchen checking the turkey when her phone buzzed. She didn’t recognize the number, but it all made sense when she opened the text. 

The noises. The excessive moaning. The shape of two bodies in a dim room. She knew it was all a show,  _a special_  just for her.  And all she could do was stare… until she swore her eyes would bleed from the atrocity of it all. 

Her attention was yanked up by the sound of bare feet behind her. Warm hands ran from her shoulders down to her elbows and Katara clicked her phone off just as Zuko pulled her into a gentle hug. 

 _‘Thank you,’_  he murmured, his lips grazing her ear with a long sigh. 

Katara only nodded. It was all she could stomach right then, when the same hands that wrapped around her and been placed on another woman’s hips. He was drugged. He loves you. She repeated this in her head, swallowing, forcing the images as far away as she could. 

“You’re welcome, Zuko.” Her voice came out strained. "Anything for you.“  

* * *

 

    Zuko felt happy. He was a little buzzed from a few beers, and he was hungry– and he was happy. He never thought he’d feel happy again, but right now, he was sure he was happy. He didn’t know how fleeting it would be, but he took it how it was. The Chargers just beat the Eagles, and Hakoda couldn’t be more ecstatic, and it was contagious. Sokka too was screaming about it, and Myka and Koda were playing with Izumi while his uncle held her and she giggled. He was really starting to believe his wife– things would be okay. 

   A surge of love fell through his heart as he glanced at her by the oven and he slid over behind her, caressing her shoulders as he then embraced her affectionately from behind. She spoke back and he kissed her cheek, moving to stand in front of her. “I love you– I love you so, so much. I hope you know that, Kat,” he murmured, rubbing his nose against hers as he pecked her lips gently. He hugged her again, rubbing her back, “I’m so lucky,” he murmured, pulling back then to look at her, feeling the true reason of the season: he was grateful- thankful. He was so thankful for all of them, but especially Katara. She’d gone to hell and back for him. 

  “Love, do you need help setting up?”

* * *

 

She barely heard him— her mind was still full of the nightmares hidden in her phone. When Zuko asked again, nudging her chin up so she’d look at him, Katara finally reacted. 

 _“Oh…”_  She tugged out of his grasp, focusing as best she could on the napkins and silverware that’d been set out. “No, I can manage. Why don’t you get the kids ready and tell everyone that the food’s almost done?”

Katara nodded at the living room and threw on the brightest smile she could muster. As soon as his back was turned, she opened her phone and hit delete. He couldn’t know— he could  _never_ know. All the recovery, all the healing he’d done, it’d be ruined in seconds. Katara wouldn’t let that happen to him. 

She could manage this. What was one more burden in the scheme of things?

With her jaw set, and her smile fading, Katara prepped the table and brought the masses of food from the kitchen as her family gathered around. They had everything— turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, and pie— much to the delight of Sokka and Uncle. 

Hakoda kissed her cheek as he sat down and Lilah squeezed Zuko’s shoulders as she passed his seat… everyone was happy. Her  _husband_ was happy for the first time in _ages._  So, Katara pushed the nausea away and let it be.  

* * *

 

   Zuko smiled at her, a tinge of worry in his eyes as she seemed… off. He couldn’t place his finger on it, but moments ago, she was laughing with everyone as Sokka started drunkenly serenading everyone with Feliz Navidad, and now she seemed so distant. He gave her a loving smile, and cupped her neck to draw her head forward to kiss her forehead, “Okay, love,” he whispered, giving her forearms a squeeze before gathering the kids. 

   Zuko held his daughter in his arms, and placed her in the cradle in the living room by the kitchen, right where he could keep an eye on her. She was content, sucking on a bottle, and taking in the sounds, sights, and smells of the holiday. Zuko made silly faces at her as he sat at the table, standing to help Katara serve the food as he pecked her cheek. He caught her gaze then, “Hey, Kat… everything okay?” Zuko asked, taking the turkey from her and setting on the table before turning around and taking her by the hand, giving it a squeeze. “I love you, okay?” he murmured for only her ears because he wanted  _her_  to know that the words were solely for her. 

   It was then they took seats beside one another, with Iroh on Zuko’s other side, and Hakoda on Katara’s. The food looked delicious and everyone’s plates were prepared. However, just as they finished saying grace, and everyone began to dig in– little Koda came over with the entire pumpkin pie, and his hands dug straight in, scooping into the pie. 


	13. Chapter 13

_Zuko—”_ She bit down on her lip, handing the turkey over resignedly— “Fine, I said I didn’t need any help, but  _ **fine**_.” 

Better just to let him… better just to bury everything so  _he_  could  _be fine._

_She’d survived worse._

Katara arranged the rest of the food on the table, letting Zuko carve the turkey and serve everyone a slice. With the smiles all around, she found the mood infectious— which was helpful in lifting her own lips to a grin. Her dad was laughing, Sokka was buzzed into hysterics and Suki kept throwing Lilah annoyed glances. 

It was what she’d been missing for months on end.

But Zuko’s eyes drifted behind her shoulder, to a toddler with sticky fingers and a gleeful laugh over the ruined pie. Something snapped… she snapped… because the all the hard work she’d put into holding herself together just collapsed. 

_“God dammit, Koda!”_

Then, Sokka scowled across the table, suddenly sober,  _“Hey!_  Watch it! Katara, he’s just a kid!” 

“I—” And tears welled up in her eyes before anyone could blink. Zuko tried to grab her wrist, but she pulled out of reach. Everyone was staring and she could see it all over their faces:  _It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Is she okay?_

“Just eat without me.” 

* * *

 

   Zuko eyed her worriedly when she snapped at him for taking the turkey. They’d always handed out the meal together when they hosted Thanksgiving dinner. But, he took a deep breath and let it go. Though, he knew something was bothering her. Something was eating at her, but he didn’t know what. Everything seemed to be going okay.

   When Zuko turned around, he smirked a little at the sight of the toddler stuffing his face with the pie. Though, the smirk was quickly wiped off his face when he heard his wife shout across the table in an outburst. Sokka grew cross, and retorted at his sister harshly over the table, while Suki looked irritated at all three of them. Hakoda, Lilah, and Iroh just watched in awkward silence, though Hakoda eventually grumbled and leaned into his hand as it was his children bickering, though they were no longer children. 

   Koda then bursted into tears, crying that he was sorry, and Suki stood up and picked up her son, wiping his mouth with his bib, shushing him. She picked up the pie, and walked past Katara, a scowl on her face, “I’m sorry he ate the pie, Katara,” Suki spoke, but her apology was bitter and forced. 

   “I’m sorry, Aunt Katara,” sniffled the little boy.

   “But, you didn’t have to snap at him like that,” she hissed, taking him back over to the table while Katara then stormed to her bedroom. Zuko only watched in worry over his wife. He knew something, for sure, was wrong now. He whispered to his uncle to keep an eye on Izumi, and he followed her into their bedroom where she was sitting on the bed, crying, her makeup running down her face. 

   Zuko sat beside her, and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close as he rubbed her arm. “Shhh, shh, Kat, it’s okay. It’s alright- it’ll be fine,” Zuko spoke, kissing the top of her head. “What’s going on with you? You seem so upset all of a sudden? What is it? I– I know things are hard lately, and I’m sorry, but… Thanksgiving has been going okay. Everyone’s happy– you did a good job. The turkey is great, everyone said so, all the food is,” he told her. “Tell me what’s wrong? Please, Kat, talk to me. I know something’s bothering you, you’ve been acting funny since you were by the oven. What is it?”

* * *

 

She tried not to clam up at his touch. He was only trying to help— to be normal— and here she was making him tense and frantic. She was being  _selfish._

“It’s…” Katara shook her head. There was nothing she could say about this. She’d have to bear the memory alone, because Lord knew he’d carried enough for a lifetime. “It’s nothing.” 

He looked unconvinced, leading her to clarify slightly. “It’s the stress, you know? The holidays, the baby, everything we’ve dealt with… I’m sorry I snapped.” 

Katara wiped at her eyes, then left the edge of the bed to change from her jeans and pretty blouse into something more casual. Her family wouldn’t care if she wore sweats for the rest of the night— not when Sokka and her dad were halfway to drunk and Iroh was only concerned with Izumi’s smiles. Her thoughts drifted to Suki, though, and Katara groaned. 

“I guess I should apologize to my sister-in-law,” she muttered, kicking at invisible stones on the carpet. She felt like a petulant child now, being reprimanded by her parent in the bedroom. 

Of course, Zuko’s eyes held nothing but love and worry. But she couldn’t let him know. So she spit out another apology, already dreading the rest of the evening.

* * *

 Zuko pursed his lips as she spoke. She just seemed so stressed and so upset. That’s why he’d tried to help, but that too seemed to backfire. But, he decided to just believe her despite his skepticism, “I know, trust me, I’ve been stressed too. It’s okay, I’m sure everyone gets it,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve been a burden,” he apologized sincerely and quietly before pinching the bridge of his nose. 

He then stood, placing his hand on the small of her back as she stood in her comfy clothes. “You can tell me anything, Kat. I mean it, anything. I’ll always-always- be here for you,” he assured her, kissing her cheek. “Don’t be sorry, beautiful. Come on, Suki will understand. It’s not a big deal. It’s still a nice thanksgiving, now come on,” he cajoled with a tender smile, holding open the door.

* * *

 

The remainder of their evening passed without another hiccup— Suki accepted Katara’s apology and Koda was consoled with a dollop of whip cream on his nose. Of course, Sokka and Hakoda had practically forgotten the drama by the time she returned to the table, and Iroh simply squeezed her hand warmly. 

Hours later, the group filtered out, leaving soft hugs and drunken kisses on cheeks. Katara demanded they all take Ubers home, but Iroh— the only sober member left— offered rides to them. 

She and Zuko were finally alone, no family, no baby, just the two of them and the haunting thoughts flitting through her head. 

Katara did what she could to hide it. She kept busy, cleaning up the kitchen and putting the leftovers away, as that’s something Zuko wouldn’t suspect. Naturally, he hovered, trying to help and keep a conversation going with her, but she was  _shutting down._  

* * *

 

Things seemed to swing back into normal as everyone ate their pie, watched the game, and chatted away. By the time everyone was ready to hit the road, they were stammering around drunk enough that Uncle Iroh had to take everyone home. Zuko hugged and kissed his family goodbye, and put his daughter to bed. She was knocked out from all the excitement, and Zuko himself was tired. 

Katara looked plumb exhausted, and she still seemed more down than usual ever since her outburst earlier. Zuko tried to help her clean up, but it made her tense again, so he backed away, instead sitting by Izumi’s cradle, rocking it gently as he watched her sleep. It was soothing to see her resting so innocently. 

But, as she finished up, and still despondent, Zuko worried. He wondered if she was angry with him or something he’d done. He wracked his brain for what he could’ve done to hurt her. Zuko sighed and he came up to her hesitantly then, putting his hand on her arm, and smiling at her tenderly, his eyes soft with a deep affection. 

“Hey,” he whispered, his hand running up her arm, then cupping her neck. “Everything was great, Kat, you did a great job, love,” he murmured to her. “Everyone had a great time,” he assured her. “I… I had a good time for the first time in a really long time,” he admitted, leaning in to kiss her warily. 


	14. Chapter 14

“I— yeah, I know—” Katara muttered into his lips despondently. He was happy and  _smiling_ for the first time in ages. She couldn’t hurt him again… and she couldn’t let him see her hurting. Any wind of the text from Mai would send him spiraling, and he was balanced precariously as it was. 

So, would it  _kill her_  to pretend? 

When he pulled back, still cupping her chin with his forehead resting on hers, Katara let out a long sigh. At the very least, she could pass as weary and he’d think she just wanted sleep. “I’m glad to see you like this… to see you full of life again.” 

* * *

 

Zuko smiled, rubbing his nose against Katara laughing lightly as he pecked her lips, pulling her into a tender embrace. “Are you sure you’re okay, my love?” asked Zuko, rubbing her back gently. “Are you tired?” he asked, pulling back to look at her, brushing stray hair from her forehead. It was frayed from cleaning. “Go to bed, Kat,” Zuko persisted, “I’m going to finish cleaning up, you’ve done enough– for everyone, and especially for me. Let me do something for you,” he insisted, kissing her forehead. On Thanksgiving, he knew for sure that he was grateful for Katara- his whole family- but more than anything: his wife. 

She reluctantly agreed, and Zuko got to work finishing to clear the tablecloth, put the leftovers away, put the extra chairs back in the closet, and wipe everything down and vacuum the rugs, sweep the floors. Finally, Zuko finished cleaning up, and he yawned, heading back to their bedroom with two cups of chamomile tea. He stopped by Izumi’s room to check on her before kissing her goodnight, and heading back to his wife as he passed her the cup of tea and she put it on the nightstand. 

She looked so tired, lying against the bedpost in pajamas and her makeup haphazardly wiped off her face. But, she looked beautiful in the cheap, IKEA lamp’s glow, and an overwhelming feeling of love washed over him- all for her, always and only her. Zuko crawled over the bed, still in his Thanksgiving clothes, and his hands roamed her skin as he leaned in and kissed her, watching her for any cues to cease as he deepened the kiss. 

* * *

 

Katara’s breath caught, surprise and desire flooding her thoughts with the way he touched her. His lips found hers, hot and persistent, his fingers running up the side of her leg to hold her hip. His thumb dipped beneath her waistband, drawing circles in the sensitive skin there.

And she melted, like she’d been frozen a thousand years and he was a flame bringing her to life. 

“Zuko—  _Mmm—”_ It was the alcohol… it had to be. He was tipsy and happy and somehow that’d morphed into whatever he was getting at now. As much as she wanted it… and wanted _him_ … Katara had to be sure. “Zuko, wait.”

When the kiss broke— her a little breathless and him, rosy cheeked— Katara cupped his chin gently. Her head lifted from the pillows as she looked at him intently. “We don’t have to do this.” 

Zuko leaned his forehead against his wife’s, his thumb continuing to rub circles below her waistline at her hip. “I know we don’t have to,” whispered Zuko. “You– You’ve been so kind and patient about…  _everything_ , and I love you for that,” he mumbled, kissing her chastely, though he was feeling anything but. “But, I want this– I want to,” he assured her, “If you– If you feel comfortable too,” Zuko spoke, like they were kids again in the back of his car for the first time. 

“I’m ready, Kat. I’m sure,” he told her. “I promise. I’m not scared anymore. I– I’m not with her, I’m with you. I want you. I feel safe again. This is something I want. I’m not forcing myself, I promise. I love you, Kat– I- I want this back. I don’t want  _her_  to take this from us anymore.” 

* * *

 

_I love you, Kat– I— I want this back.’_

No sooner had the words left his mouth than her lips collided with his. And seconds later, her fingers threaded through his hair while his hands roamed her skin. Zuko’s shirt was tugged away first and his sigh of content urged her on to explore the grooves of his stomach and shape of his hips.

She wanted this, too. She wanted  _him._  Katara wondered if he could feel the way she shook at the simple brush of his finger tips. 

Half of it was desire— all this pent of  _need_ she’d ignored for almost year. There’d been simply chaste kisses, maybe the heated kiss after a glass of wine, but nothing…  _nothing_ like this. Her body seemed to scream for it. But she realized, when Zuko’s lips roamed to her neck and the tie on her sweatpants was loosened, that the other half of her trembling was nervousness. 

Zuko pulled away long enough to lift her t-shirt overhead, leaving her topless on the pillows beneath him. 

He hadn’t touched her with any intent in  _so long_. He hadn’t even seen her like this, naked or vulnerable. Part of her was  _scared._ He could change his mind— he could decide he didn’t want her right now or— or ever. And she’d be completely bare, completely exposed, yet with no connection to him save the ring on her finger.  

_All because of Mai._

Tears pricked her eyes suddenly, a sweeping vulnerability taking hold. The soft moans in her throat, brought by his mouth on her breasts, cut off. When he glanced at her, Katara looked away, afraid of what she might see. 

* * *

 

Zuko felt electrified with every static touch he pressed to her skin. He forgot how exhilarating this was, how fun it was, and how intimate it was. It had been so very long, and he hoped he wasn’t rushing anything, or messing up. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Katara after everything she’d done for him. 

The way she touched his skin even had him mewling for more. They were both so deprived, and so hungry for each other, any touch had them already on edge. When Katara’s shirt came off, and her breasts were exposed to him once more, that thirst only grew, and his eyes widened in lust. It had been so long, too long. He instantly began kissing down her mocha skin, over the mounds of flesh as quiet moans encouraged him. He’d missed the sweet sound of her whimpers and the quiet tremble of his names off her lips. 

But, as he kissed her breasts, touching her, pining for her– she grew frigid, and he stopped. Zuko was panting with desire, and he hovered his head over hers, feeling her hot breath against his face. He pushed his wife’s matted skin from her forehead with a worried frown. “Are you okay?” he asked, gently tilting her chin to face his gaze. “Kat…” he murmured. “Love, do you want to stop? We can stop, I won’t be upset. You– You have to be ready too,” he spoke, his thumb drawing lazy circles on her cheek. Anxiousness began to build in his chest then as his head got to worrying. 

What if she didn’t want him anymore? What if this year apart had completely put out any flame of attraction she had left for him? What if she’d fallen out of love with him, left only with a bonded love of familiarity? What if he’d messed everything up? What if he’d made her feel uncomfortable? What if he did something wrong? What if he panicked halfway through, and ruined this for Katara yet again after she’d waited so long? 

He’d made her wait for so long, and guilt now built in his stomach for it. She’d never complained, either. But, he made her wait and wait. He was selfish. He felt selfish. She deserved everything in the world, and he was scared he didn’t deserve her anymore. He was scared he had become nothing more to her any longer than this burdened she’d vowed herself too– that any feelings for him were gone, and she felt emptiness towards him because of what he’d become. What if he was nothing more to her now than a feeling of obligation? To not leave someone in need? 

He loved her with his whole heart- she was still his best friend, his soul mate, his partner in everything- his world. He was scared he’d faded out into a dull, nostalgic reminder of what once was. But, he held his breath, waiting for her to speak before he allowed himself further down his mental path of dubious hypotheticals wrought out by anxiety and weathered years of abuse. He took a shaky breath. “Tell me what you want to do, Kat, please. We  _both_  need to be sure.”

* * *

 

“I- uh—” Katara stammered, finally meeting his eyes when he paused, tugging her chin to the right so she’d look at him. The soft gold flickered, so much desire wrought in them, but a softness lingered. 

He looked worried and concerned, like she was the one who’d been broken for so long. In a way, maybe she was. She’d clung to a marriage that many would deem a failure but,  _she knew_ — she knew it wasn’t. They’d just needed time. He’d needed space and healing and he’d found it. Yet, here he was, offering space and healing to  _ **her**_  even in the heat of the moment. 

That alone broke down the wall she’d built and any semblance of strength disappeared. Katara cupped his cheeks in shaking fingers, a tremulous sigh surfacing between them. “I’m just  _scared.”_  

“But, I  _do_ want you,” she admitted. As if to prove it, her hands searched lower, covering the bare skin from his chest to his waist. “I- I’m—”

Her fingers paused at the button on his pants. All the while, he watched her with a patient curiosity, his request for her to  _tell him what to do_  weighing heavily in the air. If she pushed him— if she hurt him, again— “I don’t want to do anything wrong.” 

* * *

 

Zuko waited for her to speak, his amber eyes pooled with a burning desire, but also a profound love and patience as she finally spoke. Zuko swallowed thickly, nodding his head as she cupped his cheeks. “I– I know, Kat,” he admitted shakily. “I’m scared too…” he confessed, taking a deep breath. 

“But… I also want you. I’m sure of it,” he promised, shuddering at her fluttered touches down his chest and torso. He leaned his forehead against hers, kissing her lightly, moaning slightly as her hands teased at his waistline. 

“You won’t do anything wrong, love. You won’t,” he told her, though he was petrified of the same thing. “We–we’ll go slow, okay? And, of course, you know if you want to stop, for any reason, just tell me,” he assured her. “We can… we can be gentle this time– it’s been a  _long_  time, and we just have to get used to each other again,” he spoke, a pang of guilt striking his chest as he thought of just how long he’d made her wait. But, he pushed it from his mind. He wouldn’t let Måi win tonight. He was done with her influence. 

Zuko let out a deep breath, and offered her a warm smile  that grew lopsided the longer he gazed into her eyes– that smile reserved only for her, and his hand roamed down, squeezing her breast as he began to kiss her deeply again, slowly as promised.

* * *

 

Katara didn’t so much as respond as simply encourage him along with a nod and a palm over his hand. She couldn’t speak for fear of her voice breaking. Still, it helped that he was as nervous as she, that he was unsure and shaky and  _out of practice._  They could relearn… together. 

So, she did what he said— she guided him, showing him what she wanted, telling him what felt good with pleased moans. They were just small, tentative commands.

A quiet _‘touch me”_  guided his fingers down her stomach and between her thighs, where he drew slow circles through her sweatpants. A murmured  _‘kiss me_ ’ brought his lips down to her breasts and his name whispered into the air. 

As his eagerness grew, the lust evident in every caress so did her confidence. 

Her body was aching for him, every breath bringing a needy moan with it. He freed her of her sweats then, leaving her completely bare and  _desperate,_ even as his fingers kept up their relentless pattern _._ She felt like she was already on edge, panting and begging. 

“Please—” Katara reached for the front of his dress pants, unbuttoning them before he had a chance to protest. It’d been so long, it might not last, but she wanted to tease him, too. 

She stroked him slowly, brushing the tip, then cupping him. The strangled moans in his throat had her emboldened. Katara pumped him faster— a smile coming to her lips at the way he thrust into her hand. 

Then she let him go, knowing he was as needy and shaken as her. Her thumbs hooked into the belt loops on his pants, pushing them lower. “Zuko, I want you.  _Please.”_

* * *

 

Zuko moaned deeply, feeling nothing but the pleasure she granted as she touched him. He bit her neck lightly as she pumped him, and he felt like he was already unraveling. He wanted his wife desperately; he wanted to be inside of her. He continued kissing her neck, his lips and tongue over the quick beat of her pulse. Zuko was panting and already so hot, his cheeks flush red. All he could think about was that now-estranged feeling of being inside her sweet, slick sex. 

So it came as a relief to him when she spoke, pleading for him to enter her. Zuko kissed his way up his wife’s neck, then deeply kissing her mouth. His pants hung at his knees, both of them too eager to slip them completely off. Zuko rested his forehead against Katara’s as he positioned himself at her entrance, and took a deep breath, a feeling of anxiety in his stomach, but he was okay. He was ready, he was sure of it. 

Zuko slowly pushed himself then inside her, hushing the word, “Mine,” as his eyes locked on hers until they fluttered shut in pleasure, lulling upwards inside the lids. He released a fluttery sigh of sheer bliss as he focused on the astounding feeling of her plush walls tight against him. “Kat… f–fuck,” Zuko moaned, awaiting her cue to begin to move within her, craving that sweet, tangible friction.

* * *

 

 _“Mmm…_ That’s so—” Katara’s next breath came in a gasp. His hips pressed flush to hers as he sank into her and that, mixed with the grunt of her name into her neck, set her blood on fire. “You feel  _so_  good.” 

Her fingers ran into his hair, coaxing his mouth to hers for a slow kiss. It built quickly, memories of their past nights spent twisted in the sheets spurring them on.  _Shaky groans and pounding hearts and murmurs of pleasure against trembling lips._ She had him back,  _finally._  She felt complete, finally; reconnected with him, one with him. 

 _Nothing_  was better than this. 

He peppered her neck and chest in kisses, teasing her with nips at her collarbones and small circles of his hips. She drew shapes along his spine, rocking beneath him in a desperate search for friction. Her body was aching for it. She was encouraging him— gentle brushes down his ribs to his ass, a simple touch asking him to move faster, to move  _more._  

When he did, obliging with another curse of her name, she mimicked his thrusts with rolls of her hips. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands searched his shoulders, his chest, finally cupping his face when he stole another kiss.

* * *

 

Their bodies finally melded together as one. They couldn’t keep their hands off of one another, and every light, feathery touch just left Zuko craving more. He loved that feeling of being one within her, and now he couldn’t believe he’d gone so long without it. His throat succumbed a deep moan of her name with every thrust as he scraped in and out against her walls, his breath hot and thick with pleasure. She was beautiful and tantalizing writhing beneath him. 

With her cue, he moved faster, breath building up as pleasure swarmed and built, nearing the edge. Her legs were around his waist, and her hands on his face as he kissed her plush lips was driving him mad with delight. He leaned his head on her forehead, opening his eyes, half-lidded as her blue ones were when they too fluttered open to greet his. Zuko smiled, a lopsided grin taking over his red-tinted face as he chuckled dryly, then burying his face into the crook of her neck with kisses as his musty laughter turned to a moan. 

There was nothing frightening about this, and he almost felt silly now about building it up in his mind into something terrifying. This wasn’t upsetting, and Mai no longer plagued his fears. This was absolutely nothing like that. This was beautiful, and fun, and wonderful, and it felt amazing- inside and out- and in a sense, it was almost soothing in and of itself, being this close to Katara. Zuko was elated as he picked up the pace in his movements, his wife digging his fingers down his back as he grunted her name alongside a slew of curses. Growing closer, as in a year’s time it wouldn’t take long, Zuko’s thrusts became more desperate and eager, wanting to give her as much pleasure. “F– _Fuck_ …  _Kat_ … please— shit,  _Kat_ –”

* * *

 

His body was tense in her arms, so hot and breathless— Katara knew from the moans in her neck and how is tongue could barely form her name, that he was close. As far as she was from her own release, it sent a rush of pride and pleasure through her to know she could still make him come undone. 

He felt safe enough with her, close enough to her, to be so completely vulnerable and intimately hers. She wanted him to fall apart, to lose himself in how she felt and how perfectly they fit together. 

Katara’s hands at his hips set some control over the pace, building it until his eyes clamped shut as his forehead rested on hers. He was trembling, barely holding on, perhaps concerned about it all being over too soon, but she refused to let him worry. 

“Come on—” She rolled her hips upward, relishing his size, the tightness. Her moans grew, as did his. She tugged at his hair, pecked his lips—  _“Zuko… please.”_

His breath released in a hiss of curses, his skin practically aflame. He collapsed on top of her, his face buried in her neck and his fingers trailing across her breasts, completely satiated. 

Katara smiled at the lopsided grin that she felt forming against her skin, and she wrapped her arms around him. She was elated. “Thank you… that was  _everything.”_

* * *

 

Zuko felt himself edging closer and closer to the edge, to his release as he kept up his pace within her. It was only with her encouragement, her grip on his hips, and the thrust of her hips that he allowed himself then to unravel, spilling inside her with a scattered moan of her beautiful name. 

Zuko then collapsed atop his wife, pecking her lips and then her neck as he buried his head there, smiling brightly with joy. He really felt happy now, and he wasn’t expecting that. He was scared he’d be unsettled after this, or feel guilty, but he wasn’t. He was happy. 

He hoped he’d made her happy. Zuko was dying to please Katara after everything she’d done for him. He hoped he could finally stop being a burden to her, though he knew he wasn’t entirely healed still yet. But, he just wanted to stop being a weight on her shoulders. He only ever wanted to take a weight off her shoulders. 

He laughed softly at her words, “Don’t  _thank_  me, Kat,” he teased, lying his head on her chest, listening to her heart start to slow to its normal pace, relishing in the tender feeling of her hands on his back, and her arms around her. He missed their intimacy during the heat of the moment, and in the afterglow. He felt so silly for fearing she’d push him aside- the nightmares where he was thrown out- like how Mai tossed him to the streets. All those daunting thoughts seemed so stupid and far off now. 

Zuko placed a kiss on her chest, “I love you so much… so much,” he whispered. “I– I missed that… I’m… I– I’m sorry I- I kept that from you,” he muttered with a sigh. “I love you, Kat. Thank you– thank you for putting up with me. You’re everything to me, that meant everything to me. I- I’m finally starting to think I might be able to be normal again.”

* * *

 

She giggled a little with the elated emotion from him, holding him tighter under the covers. “You’re doing us a disservice if you think we’ve  _ **ever**_  been normal.” 

They laughed together, kissing again, though it gave way to heavier feelings when the quiet settled.

 “I was scared, Zuko. I was really scared that you’d leave—” Katara swallowed tightly, the last year of their marriage, for all its good times and the bad, replaying in her mind. “I didn’t want to push you or do anything or say anything. I knew the slightest thing could trigger you… it still can… I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to protect you.” 

She fought to keep her voice steady and the tears at bay when she caught sight of her cellphone on the bedside table. But too much emotion was rising to the surface. Tears pricked her eyes, then spilling down her cheeks and soaking her hair. “I- I’m— I’m so glad I still have you. I’m glad you’re here.” 

“And we have Izumi… and our families…” Katara smiled then, meeting his concerned gaze when Zuko’s head lifted from her chest. “I’m okay, I promise. There’s just— a lot pent up— I guess sex makes me cry now,” she said with a light laugh, wiping her eyes.

* * *

 

Zuko clung to her tighter as she spoke of her fears. “Kat, I would never leave you,” Zuko promised. “You– You’ve been so wonderful to me,” he choked out. “I don’t know how you– you’ve been here for me the whole time, no matter what. I was so, so scared you’d get fed up with me and how… just… broken I was, but you didn’t. You were here, and… I was so scared you’d have enough of me burdening you. But, you supported me the whole time, and you never pressured me, and I’m just so, so grateful for that. I’m so grateful that I have you, Katara. You don’t understand how much I just… how much _I fucking love you_ ,” he choked out with a laugh.

When she began to cry, Zuko’s head came up with alarm, kissing away her tears gingerly as his own spilled over. He brushed her hair aside, “Aw Kat, love, shhh,” he whispered, rubbing his nose against hers. “I know, I know,” he assured her. “You can cry. It’s okay,” he murmured, kissing her once more. “It’s okay,” he told her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Saying I’m lucky is an understatement. Losing you… I can’t think of a worse situation,” he murmured, burying his head in her neck again. “I was scared this was going to be… scary, but… it wasn’t, not with you. I just… I really love you, Katara. I really want you to know how much I love you because you deserve it. You deserve everything. I can’t believe how much you’ve done for me, and you just never wanted me to feel bad about it, and I don’t know how you did it. I just– I can’t believe all of this, but I just have a feeling it’s all going to be okay now. I feel like- it’s still going to be a battle, but I– I think we’ve won. I– I think we just have to clean up the aftermath.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

“We can do it,” Katara assured him. “We’ve made it this far and we’ll keep going. You still have counseling and now we have our entire family behind us. We’ve won.” 

He was right. In a sense, they  _had_  won. They’d beaten the trauma and the gravity of his situation… they’d been beating it for a year. Every day that he came home to greet her, every time they held hands and held each other, every moment they spent smiling— that’d been their victory. 

Of course, with Thanksgiving and family and this beautiful moment after, they’d  _really_  made it through the deep waters. They were stronger now, and  _happy,_ finally. 

Slipping from the bed to clean up and change, Katara made the choice to forget Mai’s text, to forget the video and any taunts that she might send. Katara was the one who had Zuko. She was the one who  _loved_ Zuko. There was nothing to worry about and nothing to be afraid of anymore. She’d come so far with her husband, with their little girl— nothing could stop them now. 

A vibration from the nightstand captured her attention. 

“No—” She whirled around in the bathroom’s doorway, fear all over her face and bile rising in her throat. He had her phone in his hand. Katara would’ve snatched it from him, if she weren’t frozen in terror. “Zuko,  _ **don’t!”**_

* * *

 

Zuko lied bare on his stomach in their bed happily flipping through pictures on his phone that Sokka had sent him. There were nice ones, of the family all together, of he and Sokka, of him and his uncle, him and Hakoda, and he of Katara, and another one of the two of them holding Izumi. But, there were stupid, Sokka-ish ones as well. Pictures of Suki sleeping, zoomed in pictures of Zuko’s eyes, pictures zoomed in on his uncle’s beard, and a hundred pictures of Izumi’s face. Zuko smirked flipping through them all, texting his drunken brother-in-law when a buzz rattled the other side of the bed. 

   Zuko picked up his wife’s phone, simply curious who was texting her this late, and he smirked when he was Sokka’s message about his dad jokes, but when his wife started screaming, Zuko jolted, dropping the phone in horror. He sat up, shaking his head. “What?! Why? What is it?!” Zuko cried, looking at her in confusion. She looked like she saw a ghost. “Kat, it’s Sokka… it was just a silly text!” Zuko shouted, lowering his voice halfway because of Izumi. He watched color slowly return to her face, and he shook his head in confusion, his heart now racing. What on earth was she so upset about? Then, something horrible crept over him, and he was too scared to broach.  

“… _Kat_?”

* * *

 

She had no idea what to say— or even how to explain her outburst— and when he shouted that it was Sokka, her phone dropped onto the bed like it was a grenade, Katara sank to her knees. 

“Zuko- I—” The tears came faster than she could speak, cutting her off, choking her. She coughed around a ragged breath, fighting nausea and dizziness all the same. 

_What now? What now? What now?_

Surely, he thought she was cheating, that she’d shacked up with some man during the past year of his life. It’d make perfect sense, with how intimately distant they’d been. But she hadn’t, she’d been faithful, she’d loved him with her entire being. Yet, when weighing the consequences of the truth and what he may think… Katara decided the lie was better. 

It’d hurt him less. It  _had_  to hurt less. 

Her palm covered her mouth, muffling her words as she tried not to vomit, “I’m sorry. I— I though it was  _someone else.”_

* * *

 

When she fell to the floor, Zuko instantly got out of bed, throwing on the robe that hung on the bedpost. “Kat!” he exclaimed, rushing to her side, and pulling her into his arms. “Shh, shh… what is it?” he asked, brushing the hair from her face. “Love, what’s wrong?” he asked, rocking her gently in his arms as he rubbed her arm. 

When she said someone else, his mind started pulling out a hundred questions. He took a deep breath instead, and spoke, “Who, Kat? What’s going on? What’s wrong? Why are you so upset, love?” he asked quietly, trying to stop the daunting thoughts. Two things were coming to his head about who it could be, and he didn’t like either of them.

* * *

 

_‘Who?’_

Of course, he wanted to know who. 

How was she supposed to tell him? 

It’d break him. 

Her mind told her to lie, to protect him. She had to save him from any more pain  caused at the hands of Mai. 

“I- I thought it was—” Katara looked from him to the phone to the floor, tears blurring everything in her vision. She wanted to disappear… if only she’d kept her phone on silent. They could still be happy. 

He was watching with a twisted worry, like he knew it was one or the other and either answer would absolutely shatter him.  _‘What’s going on, Kat?’_

“M- Ma— Milo,” She spat the name out, feeling utterly sick. “I thought it was Milo, my- uh— I’ve been seeing him… occasionally.” 

She heard his rushed intake of breath. She felt him stiffen beside her. Every wound was ripped open fresh, but at least…  _at least_  his trauma would be left untouched. Katara held on to that, tearstained cheeks catching the lamplight when she looked up at him. 

“Zuko, I’m sorry. I’m  _so_ sorry. Please—  _believe me.”_

* * *

 

Zuko let go of her slowly. He felt like he’d just been shot. He just couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do that to him, would she? That’s what she said. Why would she lie about that? Zuko wanted to curl up and die. He could feel his heart shattering, just when he thought things were going well. He trusted her with everything in him. He let her back in his body after everything that happened because he loved her, and felt safe with her. He never thought she’d hurt him.

But, she just tore out his heart. Zuko stood slowly, walking to the window. There was a light drizzle of rain, and Zuko leaned his head on the pane, watching it. Tears slowly started to fall, and he pursed his lips to quiet himself. This was his fault, really, not hers. He’d failed to satisfy her for an entire year. Of course she needed to look elsewhere. She was still giving him everything, helping him recover from this. He shouldn’t blame her for going to another man for what he couldn’t deliver. That was why she didn’t seem as needing, he supposed. 

He should have just done it for her sake, she’d sacrficed plenty for him. Maybe that’s why she was so frustrated with him. Maybe she told Milo about it. Maybe Milo knew everything because Katara couldn’t take bottling it up anymore. Zuko inhaled sharply. “Do you love him?” Zuko asked shakily, then cracking as he crabbed the curtain, unable to contain the sobs anymore and he just let them go. Mai had won. She’d taken everything– she’d taken Katara’s love and his sanity, and his sense of safety, and worth. She’d taken it all, and left him shattered, and he hated her for it. He hated her for so artfully ruining him, and he suddenly felt so isolated and alone. 

* * *

 

_“What?!”_

Katara hissed in horror, almost astonished that he actually believed her— and thought she could  _love_ someone aside from him. But how could she blame him? He’d been throroughly ruined by Mai, and just when he’d pulled their marriage back together, Katara threw it out in an effort to protect him. 

What was she thinking? She should’ve told the truth… or shouldn’t she?

He was already unraveling. Katara watched as tears leaked free and his fingers clutched the thick curtains for some semblance of support. It killed her that  _she’d_ done that to him, that he so quickly assumed she loved someone else and wanted to be with someone else. But she was only protecting him from much worse… 

“I don’t love him, Zuko. I— I just needed to be—  _touched._ ” Bile rose in Katara’s throat. She hated herself now, with every fiber of her being, but she kept up the lie. “I was lonely… I’ve been so lonely this entire time. You weren’t available emotionally or even physically and I needed someone.” 

Perhaps, without her, without Mai’s constant attempts to hurt them, he’d be able to heal. Tearing them apart would be Mai’s victory— Zuko could live in peace. 

* * *

 

Zuko found himself loathing himself with every fiber of his being. He hated himself more now than he had any moment Mai had made him because now he realized how much he had hurt his wife. He had been broken and left her in the dust with him. He was just as much a burden to her as he always absolutely feared. He wasn’t enough. He never was. Not for his father, not for Mai, and not for Katara either. 

Zuko hid his face in the curtain as heavier tears fell and he was ashamed. He didn’t feel anger, only guilt and utter pain. There was a sick irony in all of this, that in the beginning, before Mai’s atrocities came to light, she wanted to leave him over infidelity, and now she did the same to him- to leave him. Nonetheless, he felt he was to blame. He didn’t give her anything, he just kept taking like a bloodsucking leech or parasite. 

“I’m so sorry,” Zuko choked out. “Please forgive me,” he whispered. “I- I… this is my fault. This is all my fault. I should have gotten over this faster. I-I knew I was a burden the whole time, but you were always too selfless to say it. You did everything for me, and all I gave you was what? I- I tried to let you know how grateful I was because I swear to God, Kat, I knew how much it was, and I knew i was so lucky,” Zuko cried, walking towards her, hands shaking. 

“It’s been a year… of course you were lonely. I’ve been moping like a spoiled brat an entire year. I couldn’t give you shit! I-I’m good for nothing… I don’t blame you. I can’t even blame you. I really should have pulled myself together faster. What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry,” he choked out. 

Zuko remembered thinking how she didn’t mind and was so patient with him while he wasn’t ready to have sex again. He felt so grateful she cared enough to let him wait, but he now wished she would have let him force himself through the anxiety maybe she wouldn’t have went to another man. He was relieved at least that she didn’t love him. Maybe she still loved Zuko, despite t all. 

“I love you, Katara, and I know I haven’t been much of a husband. I know I’ve been so awful to you, and I’m so sorry. But, please… Kat, I love you so much… so, so much, Kat,” Zuko cried, sniveling with a wet, red face in complete heartbreak. He wanted to throw up thinking of her sleeping and being emotionally involved in another man this whole time he felt so lucky. It hardly made sense with how kind and loving she was, but he couldn’t fathom a reason she would confess to such a thing otherwise. 

“Can we please keep trying? Please. If you still love me, I promise, Kat. I swear to you from now on I’ll be a good husband to you. I’ll be better than… Milo,” he choked out. “If you still are in love with me, then please,” begged Zuko. “I forgive you for it. Please.”

He really believed she loved him. He would have bet his life on it. He felt so secure with Katara. He was shocked by this, but he didn’t blame her. He felt so low anyway. 

Another few beeps then came to the phone- just as things couldn’t regress worse. 

Zuko’s gut churned with every text, thinking it to be her lover. He looked away, tears in his eyes. “Please delete him, Kat… I forgive you, but I can’t bear it. I’m still hurt, i can’t–” he choked out, covering his face with his hand as he was slowly overtaken with sobs. He wordlessly then crawled into their bed where the sheets were still askew from their lovemaking. 

He had trusted her again back into his damaged body, and she had taken that trust and threw it away and he was frightened again how terrified he would be the next time they made love, if she would even stay with him now. His trust was gone- shattered entirely. 

Zuko buried his face in the pillow, crying. “I can’t– I can’t do this anymore! I can’t take it anymore! Why does everyone think I'm… im this disposable thing they can just use? God, im not much, but I’m still fucking human! I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I don’t blame you, Kat please– I just… I’m hurt… I’m so… tired. I’m tired.”

* * *

 

His reaction caught her off guard. There was no yelling or anger— just a simple understanding and a terribly broken heart.

_‘Can we please keep trying? Please.’_

Katara looked at him in surprise, “You want to  _try?_  Really? I thought you would’ve left me in a second.”

She ran shaking fingers through her tousled hair, weighing their situation carefully. He’d never trust her again, even if the affair was a lie to keep him safe from Mai, he’d never trust her. And she couldn’t exactly come clean— that’d only throw more confusion at him and deepen the wounds Mai had inflicted.

But trying…  _staying…_  Katara wanted nothing more than to be with him, to love him for all that she was worth. That’s what he deserved.

Her phone buzzed on the bed; three times in a row, rapid and startling. Zuko looked hurt, even more so than before, as he thought it was…. it was…

“I— I can—” She eyed the bed warily, assuming it was more drunk texts from Sokka, but she couldn’t drop the story now. He’d still question her outburst and she’d have to explain and that  _couldn’t_ happen. “I’ll block the number, Zuko. I promise. M- M— Ma—” 

 _ **Shit.**_  She realized, as she reached for the phone, that she couldn’t recall the cover name she’d tossed out moments ago. And a quick glance at the messages told her she’d need to quickly remember it…

> _**[text]:**  if it’s any consolation, he told me he was married as I undressed him and he kept saying to stop_
> 
> _**[text]:**  he moaned your name the whole time. He was as great as I remembered in bed. I’d love to have him again, even if he cries again half the time like a baby._
> 
> _**[text]:**  have a great night with your beloved little husband and that new rat of his_

…Every single one was from Mai.

Katara swallowed forcefully, her throat feeling tight. A pressure seemed to settle in her chest as she looked back up at him. “I won’t talk to him anymore. _Milo…_  I won’t talk to him. And we can try.” 

> _**[text]:**  you know i’ll never stop. not while you’re with him_

He looked away then, stumbling to the bed and whispering horrid things about being disposable and used. The heaviness around her heart grew worse with every word, because her phone was buzzing again and another video was downloading with a slew of texts. 

 _She_  was doing this to him.  _She_  was killing him slowly, just by being with him. 

Katara shut the phone off, then stood up. “Zuko, I don’t think I  _want_ to stay.” 

* * *

 

Zuko was still lying on the bed, clutching the pillow now as he cried. He was still in awe that Katara had been sleeping with someone else this entire time. She was always there for him, and he always believed her when she said she loved him. He felt loved, thoroughly. It destroyed him that she didn’t feel his love- and it lead her to this. He wasn’t enough- ever- for anyone, not even Katara. He still wanted to try. He wanted to change, and be a good husband and make her feel loved and fulfilled in their relationship. 

He let out a shaky sigh in relief as she spoke of an agreement to stay- to block Milo’s number, and to stop sleeping with him. Maybe they could still heal– they’d come this far, hadn’t they? 

But, just like that, she was looking through her texts and she changed her mind. She was  _ **leaving**_  him. Zuko felt panic build in his chest, and he felt like dying. He felt like the air had been swept out from his lungs and he was drowning. After a year of fighting and striving for their relationship, she was leaving him behind. Mai had officially taken everything from him. 

Why was she flip-flopping like this? Why did she sleep with him one last time when she didn’t want him? Why did she do that? Did she know how important that was to him? Did she have any idea what it took for him to build up the courage to do that? To let her back into him- physically and emotionally? That took all of his love- all of his trust- all of his faith, and she squashed it and threw it away less than ten minutes afterwards. He felt like she’d just stabbed him. He felt so used he didn’t even know what to say. 

“How…  _how_  can you do this? If you don’t love me anymore… I understand, but  _why_  did you have to hurt me like this? Why does… everyone keep… I feel like nothing. Kat, I love you. I don’t understand… I– I thought I knew you. I’m so confused. The Katara I thought I knew wouldn’t do this, even if she fell out of love with me. She wouldn’t– I don’t… maybe I deserve it. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore,” Zuko choked out, feeling manipulated. He felt sick to his stomach that he’d just had sex with her like that, and now she was throwing him out like she didn’t watch him struggle with this for an entire year. She was so patient for so long- and now- it felt like she was with Mai, trying to break him into as many pieces as possible. Just when he was happy again, and back at the top of the skyscraper, she threw him down to the first floor, and he was shattered. 

* * *

 

“I’m  _sorry,_ Zuko—” she moved towards him, wanting to wrap his shaking form in her arms and fill him with love, but Katara thought better of it. He wouldn’t want her, now. She crossed her arms and sank into a chair near the bed— “I never thought you’d find out. I  _never_  thought I’d even do something like this.”

_Like what?_

Katara rubbed her forehead, sighing as dark thoughts spun around and around her head.  _Lie to her husband? Hurt him purposefully? Drag him through the dirt when he was already down?_  That’s what she was doing. The horse was long dead and she was still kicking it. 

And worst of all— he was right. The wife he knew and loved wouldn’t do this. But she would lie to protect him… she only wished he could see that, even through the cold façade Katara was putting up. 

“Like- it’s like— like I said, I was lonely. M- Mako—  _Miko—?”_  she stammered, swallowing nervously when Zuko looked at her strangely.  _What was the name she’d thrown out?_ Katara forced herself to sound confident and stern _._ “Miko was there for me… he helped me through it all and made me happy when I was completely broken, Zuko. And maybe I still am… maybe everything Mai did actually destroyed me… _destroyed us_.” 

Her mind wandered to her phone and the messages it hid, all the secrets Zuko could never know. As much as Katara wished she could stay, she knew there’d be more if she didn’t leave. 

So she stood then, making her way to the closet where a few suitcases were shoved in the corner. Katara drug a large bag into the room, then began throwing her clothes and other personal items in it sloppily. 

“It’d just be better if I left… for you and for Izumi.” She swiped her nose on her sleeve, staring at the full bag with silent tears running down her face. “You can have the life you deserve.”

* * *

 

Zuko wanted to vanish into thin air. He didn’t want to move or do anything anymore but just lie in bed and never get up. His heart was absolutely  _broken_  and he felt  _used_ in a way Katara had never done to him in all the years he’d ever known her. 

But, then she was stammering around the name she’d spoken so bitterly off her tongue just moments ago. Zuko sat up slowly, his visage contorted in confusion. He shook his head at her, confounded. “What…?” Zuko mumbled, “Who…?” he spoke. If she’d seen this man multiple times, if she was claiming that he helped her and made her happy– when even he couldn’t make her happy…wouldn’t she at least know his  _name_? Even Zuko recalled his name. He would  _never_  forget the name of the man who took Katara from him. 

But, this all just seemed so strange. Zuko was skeptical now and confused about what she was talking about. One minute too, she was so happy that he was offering her another chance, and now she was ripping out suitcases all the while she ripped out the bits of what was left of his shattered heart. 

“Kat… Milo… you mean… Milo…?” Zuko mumbled, his voice hoarse with tears and bottled up emotion as he stood and walked over to her as she threw her things in her bag. It made him want to fall on his knees and beg her not to leave him. But, something was rotten in the state of Denmark. This wasn’t normal- she wouldn’t forget the man she had an affair with. She wouldn’t flip-flop like this. She wouldn’t even have an affair. She wouldn’t manipulate him by having sex with him, after all he’d struggled through to muster the courage, one last time just to throw him away. 

“What’s going on? Why are you… being so fickle… and so strange? No more lies,” Zuko choked out, putting his hand over hers as she reached for more things to pack. He felt the rock of the ring he’d given her years ago over his hand. It took him back to last year and how she threw it on the counter when she thought he’d had an affair with Mai. Now she was about to throw it down in the same way, and Zuko didn’t want to let her go without knowing the truth. He didn’t want to lose her just when they’d come out on top.

> _“We can wait, Zuko. We can wait years. Or— or we don’t have to have any at all.”_
> 
> _“I’m not leaving, okay?”_
> 
> _“We will get through this. We will. In a month, in a year, in ten— I’ll still be here. I’ll still love you.”_
> 
> _“You are the love of my life. I’d do absolutely anything for you, if it meant you felt whole again. You know that, don’t you?”_
> 
> _“You are not alone in this, Zuko. You’ll always have me.”_
> 
> _“I love you… I promise, it’ll be okay.”_
> 
> _“We can do it. We’ve made it this far and we’ll keep going. You still have counseling and now we have our entire family behind us. We’ve won.”_

Zuko wanted to scream as he remembered every, little thing she’d said and done for him and how she’d been there for him the whole time- patient, supportive, loving, caring, understanding– everything. Now this? She was going to leave? No, he knew her. He knew her better than that- and she was acting bizarre. This was his wife, and he knew things were anything but normal lately, but he knew his best friend: he knew Katara. This wasn’t like her.

“Kat…  _what’s_  going on?”

* * *

 

 _ **“Nothing!”**_  She ripped her hand away from his, watching hurt flare up in his eyes all over again. Katara bit back the urge to care. “I’m packing, obviously, and I cheated on you. Or can you not get that through your head?”

Her words came out bitingly harsh, though it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with the thunderous noise in her chest. There was this antagonistic worry in the pit of her stomach, like she was being watched, and if she didn’t leave  _now_  something worse would happen to her, to Zuko— or to Izumi. 

Her wavering resolve set at the thought of Izumi, and with Zuko’s prompting, Katara spat at him. “I’m leaving you for Milo, okay? I don’t love you. I don’t want you.”

_…but I want to protect you._

Katara swallowed the lump in her throat and zipped the suitcase shut violently. It was now or never— she had to leave. She prayed with all her might that he couldn’t see the rendering of her soul in her eyes, that he couldn’t recognize the torture written all over her face. It’d be easier for him if he had a reason to hate her, a reason to  _move on._

She shoved around him towards the front door, still wearing her rings, still smelling like  _him,_  and opened it with trembling fingers. 

“Goodbye, Zuko.” 

* * *

 Zuko visibly flinched at her words. He couldn’t breathe. It was like she knocked the wind out of him. “ _Kat_ –!” Zuko cried, his voice sounded like she’d just lunged a knife in his back. He felt like she’d stabbed him in the back– right through the heart. His lip jutted out in trembling pain and he didn’t even know what to do. 

When she yelled again he had to inhale sharply and hold his breath, and this time the tears spilled right over. The skepticism didn’t matter when those words smacked him like arctic air in a blizzard. He’d bared himself to her, and she threw him into the storm to freeze to death. 

Why did she take him then? Why did she take him like she loved him and wanted him only moments ago? Why did she let him give her everything? Why did she let him open up everything he had in him emotionally to her after a year of mental torture– and now throw him away? He felt almost violated as he was thrown out so suddenly after something so important and difficult to him. 

He loved her more than anything, and tried so hard, and it all just crumbled. He didn’t know what to do. He just wanted her to stay- whether she cheated on him or not. But, she didn’t love him- apparently. She didn’t want him, either. He didn’t want her miserable, even if he was. But– it still seemed so illogical. She just said she didn’t love Milo. She couldn’t even remember his name. She told  _him_  she loved him less than an hour ago. Why would she lie like this? She wasn’t that twisted– even if she fell from love, she wasn’t this cruel to hurt him like this– was she? He couldn’t fathom her cruelty. 

Zuko chased her down the stairs as she left with her relatively-small suitcase. “Why are you going right now!?” Zuko cried. “Why are you acting crazy?” he pleaded. “That’s not enough to just… just leave! Where are you going? Why would you just… flee!? This doesn’t make sense… if you wanted to leave me, I’d expect divorce papers and– and you to talk to me, and slowly packed things in a moving truck, and… you’re running out the door in the middle of the night the second I caught you cheating? An hour ago you loved me, now you don’t– I suppose you could say that was a lie, but you’re still being nuts! It’s cold, it’s late– why do you have to go now? Can’t you sleep in another room? Can’t you file a divorce? What the fuck are you doing!?” Zuko cried. 

“Please don’t go,” Zuko whimpered, his voice softer now. “Please… please, please don’t leave me, Kat,” he cried, tears falling off his face. He’d never felt more broken. The cumulation of everything was beating him down, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “I love you. I love you so much. I- I know you say you don’t love me anymore or want me, but please– I- I’m getting better now, I– I’ll be good to you again. I’m going to be a good husband, Kat, I promise- I swear it to you. Katara, please!” Zuko begged with pure desperation. “Don’t do this- please think. This is so sudden and irrational, Kat, please–” Zuko echoed one last time, but then she just replied a curt goodbye and she was out the door. 

Zuko didn’t know where she was going or doing. This didn’t make sense. Katara was a very sensible woman– he didn’t get it, and he wanted to die. The thought of Izumi was the only thing keeping him grounded. He fell to his knees, and then lied on the carpet on his back, covering his face with the inside of his elbow- sobbing quietly. He’d never felt more broken. 

But, he was worried. He was worried sick. He forced himself to get up and go to his daughter’s room, crying as he walked, still trying to piece it all together. He needed someone- he needed his daughter at least. He called Katara over-and-over, wanting her to just tell him he was safe because he was scared for her with how brash she was behaving. He then texted Hakoda, his wife, and Sokka- begging them to tell him if she showed. He felt entirely lost and entirely broken.


	16. Chapter 16

When the door clicked shut against her back, the tears finally came in an unrelenting torrent. 

She was alone— literally and figuratively. Zuko would never forgive her for this, even if it was for his own good, and her family would never understand. Her dad… Sokka… they wouldn’t get it. Iroh, once he heard the news, would  _hate_ her. Who wouldn’t? 

Katara trudged from the door to her car, dragging the bag behind her. The night was dark and chilly, with the first snow flakes of the winter fluttering around her head as she left the porch. Her suitcase clattered against the driveway’s concrete, mocking the silent night with the ruckus. It seemed like a mirror to her heart, loud and clamoring and falling to pieces. 

Moments later, though it felt like a century, she was tucked inside her loitering car, staring at the house. They’d made so many memories there, fought so hard to hold everything together over the last year, and now it was gone. 

She couldn’t believe it. Mai had actually won. 

Her phone buzzed twice in a row, pulling her attention from the blurry steering wheel for a moment. She thought, in a moment of blind hope, that it was Zuko, but Katara felt her heart sink at the familiar 10 digits. 

> _[Text]: Check…  
>  [Text]: …and mate ;)_

Katara dropped the device on the other seat and drove away. 

* * *

 

Zuko felt sick every time a missed call went and Katara didn’t answer. He was horrified for her, and just wanted her to shoot him a text back that she was safe at least. What had he done to make her hate him so? He couldn’t understand, and wracked his brain for answers, but his brain was too busy empathizing with his heart. Zuko just stayed with Izumu because she was the only thing keeping him in this world, and he gently rocked her cradle, staring off distantly as silent tears went down his face nonstop. 

Eventually, Izumi awoke, and Zuko tended to her, feeding her and changing her, then just sitting on the couch, starting at the wall as he cried and rocked her. He sighed in relief a sob when he finally received a text that said “I’m safe” from Katara. At least that. 

But, Zuko couldn’t handle this confusion, this heartache, this absolute nightmare any longer- so he decided to pay a call to his uncle, who was coincidentally having breakfast with his father. Zuko hadn’t slept a wink, and despite the tears, looked like hell.

He blushed when he saw Hakoda, he would’ve covered his tears better had he known. But, it was too late, and they were both up and concerned. Zuko set down Izumi’s carrier and fell into his uncle’s arms, unable to hold in the tears as he explained everything. He didn’t want to tell Hakoda to shame Katara, but he just was so upset, he needed his uncle. He needed someone to help him because he was so destroyed. 

He told him it all– how she said she cheated, then left– and said she didn’t love him. Hakoda looked stunned, and Iroh tried to think of some other reason because no one thought that sounded a thing like Katara. Hakoda was wondering where she went because Sokka would have said something, and she wasn’t at his place. Hakoda was also furious with his daughter, and heartbroken for Zuko. This didn’t sound a thing like the girl he raised- he was so confused, he knew his little girl, and he knew how deeply his daughter loved and adored her husband. No one could understand. 

So Hakoda called his daughter in fright. 

* * *

 

She found herself standing stock still in the center of her hotel room when her phone began buzzing again. Katara answered it after a moment of hesitation, knowing it was her family. “Hello?”

“Kat- sweetie—” Her father’s voice came out in a nervous rush, shaking and wrought with emotion. “Where are you?”

Katara tried not to hear the tears, the blatant shock that lingered in his tone. He was never a man of much emotion, except when speaking of her mother or the few rare moments when the events were all too much — graduations, weddings, babies. She doubted Hakoda ever anticipated tears over something as tumultuous as this. 

“Is Z— Dad, do you need something?” 

She wouldn’t talk about her husband…  _ex husband…_  or whatever he was to her now. She’d simply assure her father that she was fine and moving on and everyone had to do the same. They had to keep Zuko sane and safe. 

“Sweetie… I need to you to explain what’s happening.” Hakoda spoke slowly and calmly, gathering himself. “I don’t understand how dinner turned from joyous to whatever the hell this is.”

“I cheated, Dad.” 

“No— No, you didn’t. Kata—” 

“Dad!  _Stop!”_  She snapped, gripping the phone “I left my husband. That’s the end of it, okay? Just let it go. It’s better this way.” 

“Katara! What is going on?! The daughter I raised knew better than to play games with someone! Tell me you didn’t destroy your marriage and give  _your husband_ zero answers for it. Tell me it’s not true, Katara.” 

She could hear anger now, mixed with frustration and obvious pain. He was sad for her, sad for Zuko, the mourning of a once happy family evident in the way he spoke. Katara was nearly ready to hang up, so she wouldn’t have to hear the tangible distress any longer, but a break in his harsh words sent her to her knees next to the bed. 

“Hun…" A sigh came across the line. “This isn’t you. I  _know_ it isn’t. Please, just tell me what happened between Thanksgiving dinner and now.” 

Katara bit down on her lip, fighting fresh tears.  _“I can’t.”_  

* * *

 

The speaker was loud enough and the people in the room quiet enough that they could hear everything Katara said. Zuko held his breath as he sat beside his Uncle who had his hand on his nephew’s shoulder in comfort. Zuko was holding Izumi close, and holding in fresh tears as Katara shouted at Hakoda the things that destroyed him only hours ago. 

Hakoda was right– the Katara they all knew wouldn’t do this. She wasn’t like this. But, she wasn’t saying anything, and she was acting so suddenly, and Zuko too just wanted answers, especially when he heard her cryptic response. She couldn’t? So there was something? There was something she was keeping? Or was she just not willing to relay the events of the night prior?

“This isn’t like her,” Zuko added, Iroh nodding in agreement. “Let me talk,” Zuko insisted, motioning for Hakoda to hand him the phone. He knew she wouldn’t want to– but he had to. 

“Kat… Kat, please talk to me,” he begged. “None of what you’re saying is adding up, love,” murmured Zuko. “Please don’t lie to me, Katara… please, not after everything we’ve been through,” he spoke. “I love you, Kat. You can tell me. We all love you. Please tell me what’s going on. Please talk to me… Please, Kat. I’m worried about you. You’re not acting normal… the way you left even… it doesn’t make sense. Katara… something weird is going on. Something more than… an affair,” he whispered shamefully, embarrassed in front of Hakoda to speak of what she allegedly did in front of her father. 

“Talk to me, please. Kat, I feel like I’m  _dying_ … I feel like I got sent back to  _ **that**_   _first day_ , I can’t do this.  _ **Please**_ –”

* * *

 

She fell silent at the sound of her husband on the phone line. He sounded so desperate, so broken, but there was  _nothing_  she could say. 

“I- I— not sure—” Katara stammered over her words, unwilling to hurt him worse if she could avoid it. “What do you want to talk about, Zuko? What could possibly talk about?” 

 _Forgiveness. Counseling. 'We can work it out.'_  

Zuko rambled off potential endings, but she could hear the heartbreak in his every word. Even looking at her again would be too much for him to handle. He’d given her so much trust in return for all of her patience and she’d left him, lies now shaping his reality. 

 _‘Kat I feel like I’m dying…’_  

He pleaded with her in the stillness, bringing a sob to her throat. It made her eyes burn and her chest throb as she suppressed it. A cheating wife wouldn’t cry. A cheating wife wouldn’t care. She had to keep up the part because it was already leaking through that her loved ones didn’t buy it. 

And if they didn’t, then Mai didn’t— the consequences of such a possibility conjured up a shiver of fear.

“Zuko,” Katara sighed into the phone, struggling to remain flat and pulled together, “The only  _weird_ thing going on, is that you’d rather take back a woman who slept with another man.  _Repeatedly.”_  

She heard an audible gasp on the other end, from both Zuko and the others who could hear her through the phone’s speaker, so Katara continued. She had to drive the knife home. 

“It may’ve started because I was lonely, Zuko, but in the end, I liked it. _I wanted him_ more than I wanted you.” Katara inhaled sharply through her nose. “I’ll have my divorce attorney call you in the morning. Goodbye.” 

Before he could retort, she hung up the phone. 

* * *

The home was dark. Mai could assess that much from the street. What she couldn’t know, without getting any closer, was whether that meant  _he_  was gone, too, or merely asleep. 

She’d seen that bitch leave a few hours ago. Surely, a shattered Zuko sat weeping inside… or he’d gone to his uncle’s nearby. Either way, Mai would be waiting for him when the sunrise came.   
  


* * *

 

Zuko wanted to scream. He felt his heart break every time she spoke. He didn’t know why she was being so cruel, even if she no longer loved him. He still felt sick now thinking about how they made love and she knew this all along. How she didn’t love him, after all, and that she’d took another man to bed. Why would she do that to him? She wouldn’t. Zuko decided. She couldn’t. She was not that cruel. This didn’t add up. He knew Katara, and so did her father. But, he still felt ill thinking of the mere possibility that she was telling the truth. Because why would she lie? That would make her even more cruel. If she did lie, there was a reason. She wouldn’t do this to him for amusement. 

Zuko turned around slowly as he hung up the phone. He was embarrassed because his face was covered in tears he couldn’t keep back. He felt used and throw away. He felt worthless and broken. He felt like everyone had ulterior motives, and he just wanted to die. But, there was little Izumi, sleeping in her chair, and he knew he couldn’t. He had to raise his daughter. 

“I don’t understand,” Zuko choked out, hiding his face with his hand. He thought about lawyers now and court. She knew how much he hated that. He couldn’t go. He’d have a breakdown, and he knew it. This was too much. He could not testify in court with lawyers about a divorce he didn’t even want. 

Iroh came over to Zuko and embraced him heartily. “You and Izumi can come live with me until you want to go back on your own, Zuko,” Iroh offered. “I’m worried for you to go back to that house now,” he spoke, pulling back to look at his beloved nephew. “We will get you through this, Nephew. Please do not give up.”

“I don’t know, Uncle,” Zuko choked out, wiping his eyes. He’d never felt so heartbroken before in his life. “I feel so…  _disgusting_ ,” he admitted, feeling so used and disposed of by Mai and now Katara. 

“No,” Hakoda spoke up then. “What Katara is claiming she did to you is disgusting. I’m sorry, Zuko. She’s not acting like herself, and I still think something is wrong,” he said, going over and giving Zuko’s shoulder a squeeze. “She’s lying. She loves you. I know she loves you,” Hakoda said firmly. “I know my daughter. Yesterday, the way she spoke about you to me… we were just talking… and the way she looked when she talked about you, the things she said… She loves you, and I think she’s making it up. But, I don’t know why,” Hakoda explained. 

Zuko nodded, “I– I know… I don’t understand. This isn’t Katara. I know my wife, and… she doesn’t– she wouldn’t do this. She told me she didn’t love this other guy, now she’s acting like she does… nothing she’s saying is consistent, and I just feel so confused,” he whispered, then shaking his head as he walked over to Izumi, picking up her carseat. “I’m going to stay with you awhile, Uncle. You’re right… I- I can’t be there, alone,” he whispered. “I’m going to just run home and grab Izumi’s things- her diapers, formula, some clothes, and then I’m going to come back,” Zuko explained as both men embraced Zuko as he left towards the door.

* * *

Zuko buckled his baby in the back seat, kissing her face gently as he went to drive home. His hands were shaking, and he was crying the whole ride. Everything was ruined. When he got out of his car, Zuko shakily held the keys to unlock the door as he held Izumi in his arms in his other arm. But, he dropped the keys, and clung to his daughter when he saw a shadowy figure sit up from the bench on the porch.

“Hey, Zuko, long time no see… you were… less covered last time we met,” Mai laughed, and Zuko’s heart began to race. He went pale, and held Izumi for dear life. He felt like he was going to faint and his heart was racing. 

“Mai, get the fuck off my porch,” Zuko yelled. “Get away. I won’t let you have Izumi,” he hissed. That he’d go to court for any day. 

But, Mai only laughed. “I don’t want that brat whatever you named it. I just wanted to say hello… I wanted to see how you liked the texts I sent your little wife… or… ex-wife, should I say,” she whispered. Zuko’s eyes widened, shaking his head. 

Texts? Katara never mentioned texts from Mai. That sounded pretty important. Zuko exhaled sharply, his heart beating rapidly against his sternum. “Get the fuck off my property before I call the fucking police, Mai. Leave, and never talk to me or Katara again or I’ll have you fucking sued for raping me,” Zuko shouted, and it frightened his daughter so he tried to soothe her, keeping calmer. 

Mai just laughed, “They’ll never believe that happened to a big, strong man like you. I was shocked Katara did. But, now I’ve finally rid of her, and we can either be together, or at least if I can’t have you- now no one can,” Mai spoke. 

Zuko felt his breath get more short and rapid, and he took out his phone. “I’m calling the police.”

“No, no… I’m leaving… just wanted to say hi,” Mai laughed. She walked over to Zuko, knowing that while he held the baby, he wouldn’t do anything. Mai walked over to Zuko, kissing his cheek while grabbing his ass with a snicker- then running off. 

Zuko wanted to throw up. He ran into his house as fast as he could, locking the door behind him. He put Izumi in her crib, and ran around locking all the windows before he slammed his bedroom door shut and screamed. Zuko fell to his knees– and sobbed. He felt sick. He felt so disgusting and he wanted Katara. 

Mai did this. He knew, somehow, with some texts– Mai did this. Zuko picked up his phone, calling Katara, praying to God she’d answer. He got the machine, but hoped she’d answer through the message. 

“Kat– Kat, please answer,” Zuko begged her through hiccuping, audible sobs. “Kat, please. I need you. Please answer the phone. I need you, please… Mai– Mai… she came… she was on the porch. I can’t– I can’t do this anymore. Please come back. Please… I can’t do this. I can’t… I can’t, I can’t… please answer the phone. Please, please, please… please,” Zuko whimpered through the receiver, wanting her to come through. Hoping she cared enough to at least talk to him.

* * *

 

Her phone had been ringing off the hook since the last conversation with Zuko— first her father, calling in an attempt to drag out more details. Then, Iroh, imploring her to open up, playing the safety net for her that he always was for Zuko. Still, she refused him, sticking with her made up story.

 Even Sokka had called, an unexpected occurrence as she hadn’t thought Hakoda would tell him, too. The conversation still rang in her ears, the astonished horror in his voice, the weariness in hers. 

> _‘It was Mai.’_
> 
> _‘Mai?’_
> 
> _‘She had…videos.’_
> 
> _‘What does that mean?’_
> 
> _She’d fallen silent, her shallow breath the only noise over the line._
> 
> _‘Katara, what does that mean?”_
> 
> _‘I had to leave him, Sokka. I didn’t have a choice.’_   

She thought maybe he’d relayed that tidbit of information to Zuko. That had to be why the familiar golden eyes and playful smile appeared on her phone’s screen now. His ringtone shattered the quiet hotel room, sending a roiling knot into the pit of her stomach. 

But Katara pulled a brave face, aware that either way, she had to end things with him before he was hurt worse. She slid her finger across the screen to answer. 

_“Hello?”_

* * *

 

Zuko was shocked when Katara answered the phone, but just continued his desperate rambling. “– _Katara_ ,” Zuko’s voice broke on a sob as he clutched the phone tightly. “Please…” he whispered. “M-Mai was here. She- She came here. She was on the porch, and I- I was afraid, and I felt so pathetic, and I– I feel sick. I’m gonna be sick,” he cried through the phone, his voice stammered. 

“She– She said she texted you. Why didn’t you tell me?” he wept, “That’s who texted you last night, isn’t it?” he cried. “That’s why you forgot that guy’s name. He doesn’t exist… does he?” cried Zuko. “I need you, Kat, please come home,” Zuko sobbed. “She  _touched_  me, Kat– I feel sick. I don’t know what to do. Please don’t leave me,” he cried. “I know you didn’t cheat on me. I know you wouldn’t,” he cried. 

“Katara, please… we– we have to sue her now. I- I have to do it. Kat, please. Please, Katara, please come home. I need you so bad right now,” begged Zuko. “I’m so scared-  _please_.”

* * *

 

“Zuko— Zuko, calm down,” she urged, hissing into the phone though she was trembling like a leaf in the wind. “I- ugh— goddammit.” 

Even after Katara had left him, there was no end to Mai’s taunts and teases. On his porch? She’d waited all night on his porch? Katara’s heart was thundering with the news… and he wanted her to come home. 

“I can’t,” Katara finally broke the worrisome silence, with a rushed breath and flush of tears. “Zuko, I can’t come back. It doesn’t matter if I really cheated or it was Mai— I’m not coming back. I— You’re not- when I’m around, you’re in danger. Mai makes threats and I have to keep you safe and Izumi… God, Zuko, what if something happened to her? Something I could’ve prevented?”

She waited a beat, letting her words sink in and a myriad of pained breaths pass. Katara could hear the barely suppressed sobs on the other end. It was so easy, too easy, to picture him with his face in his hands, broken and hurting. She wished she could hold him, but one thought of Mai and the images forced through her own head sent her dreams away. 

“I’m not coming back, Zuko,” she reiterated, gathering from the appearance on their porch exactly what Mai wanted. “In fact, you’ll never see me again. A quickie divorce is all we really need— there won’t be any reason for court or meetings with lawyers. You can keep everything.  _I love you, Zuko_ … but that’s why… that’s why this has to be over.” 

* * *

 

“Katara, no… no, please,” Zuko begged. “I’ll move to another country if we have to. I can’t be around her either, please. She’s not going to stop. I have to sue her, Katara,” Zuko cried. “We can go to England, or Ireland… or Australia even, please. This isn’t fair to let her do this to us, Katara, please,” Zuko begged. “We’re already in danger. Why did she come here when you already left?” he spoke. “I don’t know what to do.”

Zuko tried to reel himself in, but he was borderline hysterical. The whole event on top of everything had him in shambles. “I can’t never see you again, Katara. I can’t. I love you, Kat. I love you so much- you’re the love of my life, Katara, please. I don’t want to keep anything, I just want you. I don’t want a divorce- I want my best friend, I want  _my_ _wife_. If I’m not safe, then neither are you, Katara, please,” he whimpered. 

“I hate court, but I’ll go to get Mai in jail. She won’t be able to do anything anymore. I can’t let her roam free when Izumi is here. I’m scared for my daughter- our daughter. Kat, what about Izumi?” Zuko pleaded. He knew something was up with her. She wouldn’t do all this– she wouldn’t manipulate him like that. She corroborated that when she admitted she still loved him. Mai made her do this. He was sure of it. She’d always been manipulative. “Kat, if you have any texts she sent where she admitted she… she you know… assaulted me– we can win. Please, Katara,  _please_  don’t leave me.”

* * *

 

Katara’s heart broke once more— she’d truly lost count of how many times it’d been dashed on the rocks since that fateful night, but she knew she’d never forget this moment. The hope he was clinging to, the evidence of Mai’s crime, it was gone. Now she’d not only abandoned him, she’d let him down entirely. **  
**

She knew how these types of cases went… she’d seen the treatment of enough delirious, drugged young men in the hospital to know that many just laughed it off.

 _‘Don’t act like you didn’t like it.’_  
‘Be a man.’  
‘Suck it up.’

The jeers of other staff, particularly males, rang in her ears. Katara’s cheeks burned at the thought of whatever may come from a court case— without any video evidence. The last thing she wanted was Zuko to hurt more. 

Her silence prompted another murmur of name, forcing her to swallow the lump in her throat. “Zuko, I- I deleted most of what she sent me. I have some taunting text messages, but the videos she sent—” 

There was a hiss of breath over the line. So, he hadn’t known the assault was filmed… what a way to inform him. Katara rubbed her temples as she tried to explain. 

“That was the first text… at dinner. There was a video and- and she sent more later—” She closed her eyes with the fresh sting of tears, the implosion of their marriage still killing her. “I freaked out.  _I lied._  I thought it’d be easier for you, if you thought I was cheating.”

Her tears were coming thick now, blossoming to sobs at the barest gasps coming from his end. “I _had_  to protect you, Zuko. I still do— even if I had the videos, or could trick her into sending more— Zuko, they’ll show the evidence in court.”

* * *

 

When Katara spoke of what Mai had sent her, he felt himself start to crumble even further. He was kneeling on the ground already, and he fell to his side on the carpet, curled in a ball. His breath grew labored, and he just tried to contain himself. There were videos– not only had Mai assaulted him, she’d recorded it for her own pleasure. Zuko felt sick. He didn’t know how many people she could have shown. The fact that she was taunting Katara too made him feel ill.

“There was a video…” Zuko mumbled, “Oh my God…” he choked out, wondering what he did, how he acted. He wanted to scream. But, Katara admitted it was a lie– she didn’t cheat on him. At that, Zuko exhaled deeply. He was relieved. He still had Katara, she still loved him, she didn’t want another. “Kat…” he murmured. “Kat, I love you so much,” Zuko told her. “I knew you didn’t do it, love. I- I knew you wouldn’t do that. Katara, please… please come home. Please come back to me. I  _love_  you.”


	17. Chapter 17

After further discussion, many tears, and a quarrel or two, Katara found herself back in her home. 

They spent the first hour following her return on the couch, wrapped up in nothing but blankets and stolen kisses, with Katara whispering  _‘I love you’_  a thousand times and Zuko drinking her in. It was like he never expected to see her again, much less hold her as his own. The way he touched her— Katara swallowed the guilt she harbored for ever leaving. 

 _He understood._  He assured her over and over that he understood. He loved her and he wanted her; he whispered such sweet nothings into her hair now. 

“We need a place to go. We can’t stay here if Mai knows where we live,” Katara said. Her fingers ghosted across her husband’s bare chest, making random patterns to soothe his racing heart. She knew the thundering beat was partly due to their joined high, but much of it was still laced with fear. They could ignore the psychological torture for an hour or two, get lost in their reunion, but their thoughts always came back to Mai. 

_Where was she? What was she planning? What could they do?_

Katara lifted her head to look at him as she spoke. “We should change our numbers, too. I think Sokka and Suki would take us in for a while, then we can find a new place to live during the trial— or we can leave the country.” 

“It- It’s up to you, love.” She bit her lip pensively, knowing they’d have to broach  _this_ subject, but wishing she could spend another hour just kissing him. “I don’t have the videos anymore… the texts aren’t incriminating… but maybe— a lawyer might know how to help us, how to get retrieve the proof. We might be able to win, Zuko.” 

* * *

 

When Katara returned home, Zuko felt like she’d been deployed in Iraq the past ten years and she’d just come home, even though it’d only been a day. He was mortified he would never see his beloved wife ever again. But, she was back, and she was faithful, loved him, and he loved her more than life itself. Zuko tumbled into her arms, and held her like she was sand between his fingertips. Words of love were murmured between desperate, pleading kisses.

They were left still in each other’s arms, clasping piping hot cups of herbal teas with bleary faces. “She knows where my uncle lives,” Zuko spoke, “But, we could go to Sokka and Suki’s in the meantime,” he agreed with a deep, shaky sigh, still holding his beloved wife close. Zuko was relieved she was back, and forgave her entirely for lying– she lied out of love, even if it hurt more than the truth. There was a good intention, a selfless one for his wellbeing, behind the lies. 

“It’s not fair, Kat. It’s really not fair to you– you’re happy here, and your family is here. I don’t want to take that all away… Uncle, your dad, Sokka, Suki… I love them too,” Zuko whispered, shaking his head. “We have jobs, we were happy, finally,” Zuko spoke. “Why does she have to keep ruining it?” Zuko spoke, still so shaken by the incident of the day. He kept thinking of Mai’s words, and the vile touch. He wanted to burn up in flames the way he felt was taking him down in a spiteful conflagration inside. 

“I– I think I have to bite the bullet… I think I have to sue her or this may never end. I want to be safe. Most of all, I want you and Izumi to be safe. I won’t feel safe in my own skin unless we take her down.”

* * *

 

“Okay,” she murmured, nodding against him. “Okay, if that’s what you want, I’ll support you. But, Zuko—”

 Katara pulled back, the blanket falling free of her shoulders with the motion. She shivered and Zuko’s hands ran up and down her bare arms to warm her, however, it wasn’t the cold that covered her skin in gooseflesh. 

 _She was afraid._  After all they’d faced, there was no telling what else Mai was capable of, how far she’d go to win this dreadful fight for Katara’s husband. They had no  _real_ guarantees. 

“If this, ** _any of this_** , becomes too much: the lawyers, the questions, the court,” Katara implored him to look at her, though his eyes wandered around as the reality of a lawsuit set in. “If it’s too much, just tell me. We’ll drop it. We’ll move away. Don’t push yourself too hard, okay? Promise me. Zuko,  _promise me.”_  

* * *

 

Zuko contemplated the words she said, mulling over all of it. He absentmindedly run his hands back and forth over her forearms. He didn’t know why Mai wouldn’t stop. What did she want from him? Did she really want to ruin his entire life? They’d dated so long ago. Why couldn’t she move on? Why did she want him so miserable?

Zuko looked up at his wife as she spoke, nodding at her words. His hands moved from her arms to her cheeks, cupping her face lovingly. His thumbs stroked her skin in soothing motions as he closed his eyes, his throat tight. “Okay,” he agreed airily, “Okay, Kat, I promise, love,” he murmured. “I won’t push myself. I promise.”

“And, Kat?” Zuko spoke, opening his eyes to see her, “Thank you… thank you for  _always_  being here, and not giving up on me.”


	18. Chapter 18

“Breakfast,” Katara sang, sweeping towards the table where a chubby Izumi slapped her high-chair tray and Zuko read the newspaper. She kissed her daughter’s soft cheek, spreading little pancake chunks in front of her. She’d turned one several months ago— the party had been a celebration in more than one way. The criminal suit against Mai had begun. 

Today, following Mai’s arrest and subsequent bail, a few rounds of status hearings, and many meetings, Zuko and Katara would be facing down the woman in court. She knew Zuko was nervous… so she’d made him his favorite. 

Katara placed a plate full of blueberry pancakes, eggs, and bacon in front of her husband, before pecking his forehead. “Eat up, love. You’ll need all the energy you can get.” 

* * *

 

The months had passed with a somewhat normal complacency falling back into their lives. It almost felt the same as the days when he was suing his father. There was high stress, a fear if they did not win, and hope that Katara carried and that was graciously contagious. 

Zuko was tired now, as the date crept closer. He couldn’t sleep, and he could hardly eat, and he could hardly recall being so nervous. If he failed, if he lost the suit, he felt mortified. He was horrified what else Mai would do to his family, and a part of him was scared of losing his wife– that she’d leave again, for real. Zuko felt so much was at stake, and it all boiled down to starting today, and he was shaking at the table, reading his newspaper- an article on his father’s condition in prison, sending him back perhaps too eerily familiar. 

Zuko did smile at the sight of his daughter, sloppily eating the pancakes Katara had prepared. If there was one thing in all of this he could smile about, it was Izumi. Zuko loved his daughter with all his heart, and his heart swelled the same love when Katara came over with food for him, and a kiss on his forehead. “Blueberry, my favorite,” Zuko spoke with a warm smile and tender laugh. It was likely the only thing he could keep down today without throwing up. 

Zuko took her wrist, and pulled her down, pecking her lips gently, “Thank you, Kat,” he spoke, giving her hand a squeeze as he began working towards the plate, still eating less than usual. Usually, he’d have scarfed it all down in three seconds flat. He still picked at it, and he still felt sick to his stomach. 

He thought about all the talking he’d have to do in front of people, how the video Katara managed to retrieve from her trash folder on her Mac was going to be shown to the court room. He couldn’t stop thinking about how people wouldn’t believe him, and mock him, and the things they might say, and Mai and her lawyer may say, and how she may walk free, and fight for Izumi, and how Katara might vanish like before. 

But, it only gave him 101 more things to fight even harder for.

* * *

 

Flashing cameras were lined up the stairs of the courthouse, all of which turned and snapped the second she put their Ultima in park. Katara growled under her breath at them. It was absolutely the last thing she or Zuko needed. 

The drive had been tense and quiet— she could practically feel him trembling in his seat. Even with her hand on his thigh, Zuko hadn’t calmed and the threat of being bombarded by reports wasn’t going to help anything. His gold eyes were wide, now, and flicking from strange face to strange fece, wary and apprehensive.

“Love?” She pressed her lips together, making him focus on her bright blues. “I can’t promise anything will be okay, Zuko, but I can promise I’ll be there through it all.” 

Katara squeezed his leg affectionately, hoping it would only reiterate what she said. “You will always have me. You’ll always have Izumi. These people…” She followed his wandering gaze to the men and women hollering their names from the steps, “They don’t care about you, and I’m sorry for that. You don’t have to talk to them. You don’t even have to acknowledge that they’re there. They are nothing in the grand scheme of things… and you… you are something very special.” 

* * *

 

Zuko felt ill as he sat in the passenger seat on the way to the courthouse. His breath was shallow, and it was a repeat of everything he went through when his father was tried. But, this felt even worse. The wound was fresher, and there was more humiliation on his part to be broadcasted to these strangers in this cold room. Everyone had sympathy for a thirteen-year-old boy who had his face shoved into a stove by his father. No one even believed a man in his twenties who claimed his ex-girlfriend raped him. 

Zuko hoped the evidence would be enough for the majority, whom were skeptics. The majority of the world would be skeptics, and he pleaded for anonymity, to avoid the cameras and flashes he now faced with Katara on his arm, but Mai had leaked his identity. She never ceased in her endeavors on her conquest for his absolute misery in revenge for him moving on. 

Finally, he and Katara were seated in the courtroom beside their lawyer, and the eyes on them felt like they were burning into them, and Zuko had to keep his gaze away. When Katara squeezed his thigh, and spoke softly, his shaking hands stilled if only a little, as did his speeding heart. 

Zuko put his hand over his wife’s, and smiled warmly at her. Zuko’s heart warmed at her words, and they actually did bring him comfort. Zuko went to embrace her then, closing his eyes to shield out the crowds and jurors. “Thank you, Katara,” he whispered into her ear, turning his head into her hair so no one could read his lips. He didn’t want anyone in on anything between them. “I’m a very,  _very_ ,  _ **very**_  lucky man to have a wife like you. If anyone is special, Kat, it’s you. I don’t know many people strong enough to stand by someone this long- through so much. I love you so much, and I promise– when- when we get through this, I’m going to make it up to you. It’s going to end up okay.”

* * *

 

They were quickly shushed as the judge called the court to order. Katara gave his fingers a final squeeze, then folded her hands in her laps, her eyes trained on straight ahead. 

She wouldn’t look anywhere else. She  _couldn’t._ She knew Mai’s beady browns were boring into her from the left side of the room— Katara was ashamed to admit it, but she was almost  _afraid_ to look her husband’s attacker in the eye. It hurt; she didn’t want to cry, not when Zuko needed all her strength to get through the day. 

She prayed it’d only be  _one_  day. 

Zuko’s attorney, the powerhouse June Shiren, seemed to have a plan just for that. She was called forward first, and she launched quickly into an emotional appeal— that was the only way they’d win. They had to win over the jury, bring the jury to Zuko’s side and make them love him. She began with character witnesses, first Sokka, then Aang, followed by Toph, Hakoda, and finally, Iroh. 

June prompted him, “You know why we’re here today: One party argues consent, one party denies it. What do you make of Miss Sizuski’s claim?” 

“My nephew,” the old man smiled affectionately, then shook his head in correction, “my  _son_ , he’s loved that woman sitting next to him since he was sixteen.” 

Katara met Iroh’s gaze, her eyes watering with love for her father-in-law.

Iroh continued, “When Zuko discovered what happened between leaving the bar and waking up in his own bed, he was unbelievably distraught. He was crying, rambling…. vomiting.”

“That couldn’t have been guilt? Due to cheating on his wife?” 

“Of course it was guilt,” Iroh answered June’s question, “and disgust, and remorse, and self-blame. What rape victim  _doesn’t_  feel those things? If he hadn’t expressed such emotions,  _that_  would’ve called into question his fidelity.” 

June nodded, “Thank you, Mr. Hiroku.” She then turned, facing the audience as Iroh left the stand. “My final witness, before the examination of the defendant, will be none other than Katara Hiroku herself. Mrs. Hiroku, if you will join me?” 

* * *

 

Zuko’s eyes kept steady on the ground, watching his feet nervously shuffle as they went through all that familiar legal jargon. He felt sick to his stomach, and didn’t want to look or hear anything, so he tried to block it all out until his brother-in-law took the stand. He looked up at Sokka, smiling warmly at him with a deep gratitude at the kind words he spoke on his behalf. He watched Aang and Toph, and his father-in-law, and finally his uncle. 

Zuko looked at his uncle, and then he had to close his eyes to keep in the tears from the words he spoke that both touched him, and took him back to that morning he could never forget, no matter how hard he tried.

When Iroh sat down, Zuko inhaled sharply, sending a smile his uncle’s way, and then– Katara was sent to the stands. Zuko looked to her, giving her hand a squeeze in gratitude and support, and he nodded at her in confidence. Hoping that if this couldn’t do it, maybe the surveillance video from the bar the police had could help– or the texts Katara still had. Something. They  _had_  to put her away, even if it meant degrading himself in front of all of these people. It would pay off in the end, or so he prayed.

* * *

 

“Do you trust your husband, Mrs. Hiroku?” 

Katara looked at June warily from the stand. She’d been prepped for this type of grueling examination. In fact, June had practiced day and night with her for the last week— what to say, when to say it, how to say it— That didn’t mean she felt any less exposed. 

She pulled her thoughts in order, however, and gave a contained nod, “I do. He’s never given me a reason to doubt him.” 

“What was your reaction, then,” the attorney continued, pacing in the courtroom, “when your husband, first, disappeared for the night, then drunkenly asked to be picked up from his ex-girlfriend’s steps?” 

Katara let her eyes slide from June’s brown to the soft amber across the room. Zuko’s were warm, comforting; there was no denying how much he loved her. 

“I was angry, at first,” she admitted, “because I didn’t understand what had happened.”

June smirked, something she’d warned Katara of beforehand, and replied in a snarky, confident tone, “Well, your drunken husband appeared to have cheated on you. What was there to understand?” 

“He wasn’t  _drunk.”_ Katara stated, her gaze flicking to the jury, then to Mai. She kept her voice level, though laced with a distinct note of pride. “I’ve seen him drunk— at our college graduation, at our engagement party, on our honeymoon. He’s a happy drunk. He smiles a lot and talks too loud and laughs like I just told the best joke.” 

Katara could feel her eyes watering fondly, all the years she’d spent with Zuko coming back in a rush. “When I found him that night, he wasn’t drunk. He was afraid and distraught. He couldn’t figure out what’d happened, or where he’d been… It was like he’d been drugged. He kept saying he left the bar to call me and that he was sorry.” 

“But, you were angry…” June prompted her. 

“Yes. I was angry,” Katara repeated. “I was angry because I was  _scared_. I was angry, because  _my husband had been hurt_.”  

* * *

 

Zuko watched as his wife took the stage. He knew that she was articulate and poised, even when speaking under pressure, and he had all the confidence in the world in her. Though, he still knew she was nervous, so when her soft, beautiful, blue eyes met his, Zuko smiled at her, tender and true with a nod of encouragement. He watched her collect her composure, and then June began the questioning. 

Katara’s questions too, sent him back to that night. June warned him of this, and common sense told of it as well, but it still shook him to the core to think about what had happened over a year ago. Today, Mai’s fate would be decided. They had the bias of preconceived notions and sexist predisposition against them, but Mai had the truth, some solid evidence, and many loving witnesses against her. Zuko only could pray that justice would prevail, as it had in the past. 

She admitted her initial anger to the stage, and he remembered it all too well. He remembered pleading with her, and begging her to believe that he was confused and didn’t know what was going on. He remembered his heart breaking as he was left utterly bewildered and in pain as she phoned June, requesting a divorce. His heart sunk then, wondering that if  _Katara, the person_ who loved him more than anyone _,_ hadn’t believed him then, how would he convince these people, now? Zuko took a deep breath, telling himself that there was evidence now. There was proof. 

He listened as his wife then moved on to talking about the times they’d drank together, and he couldn’t help but light up a little, laughing as she recounted specific memories. Zuko recalled them all like the back of his hand, and he’d give anything to go back to them. 

But, June’s questioning inevitably brought to light the dark. That was why they were there, and Zuko pursed his lips as she spoke again, and when her gaze found his, he smiled at her, nodding, and he could see that she was praying as hard as he was that this would all end– and end the right way, so they could get on with their lives.

* * *

 

“I have no more questions, Your Honor,” June addressed the judge, who nodded and gestured for the attorney to take her seat. 

Katara mentally steeled herself then, watching as Mai’s defense took June’s place, pacing in front of her and the jury. She waited patiently, knowing accusations were coming, her heart racing. 

_You can do this. You can do this. Kat. You can do this._

Katara swore she could hear Zuko’s voice drilling into her skull. Their eyes met across the room, his throat bobbing with a tight swallow that she mimicked. 

She  _had_ to do this— with great testimonies, great character witnesses, the hope was that no evidence would need to be brought forward at all, that the eyewitness accounts would be enough to force Mai to fold. The evidence was a back up plan, a last ditch scheme, June had said. Subjecting Zuko and the courtroom to such… horrors… no one wanted to do it. 

June nodded confidently, a motion Katara caught as her eyes swept to the portly man in front of her.  _She **would**  do this. _

 _“Mrs. HIroku…”_ The man’s nasally voice demanded her attention, “You claim your husband wasn’t drunk because his behavior was  _abnormal_ when you found him, yes?” 

Katara’s head bobbed, “Yes. He was visibly shaken and ill.” 

“Right, couldn’t it be that your husband’s symptoms were simply a manifestation of his guilt?” 

“I—” 

The attorney cut her off, “Couldn’t it be that your husband  _was_ drunk, and in his drunkenness, he left the bar with my client, Mai Sizuski.” 

“N—”

“And couldn’t it be, after engaging in  _consensual intercourse,”_ the man paused for emphasis, “with my client, that your husband realized what his wife would be expecting him at home, and become physically ill?” 

June stood up, “Objection, your hon-”

But the attorney raised a fist and his voice drowned hers out. He turned on Katara again. “Your husband slept with my client willingly, and in a fit of panic, acted out a scenario he knew you’d believe; and you— you so easily went along with it because accepting his infidelity would be so much harder than  _demonizing_ my client. That’s what happened, isn’t it, Mrs—”

 _ **“Objection!”**  _June shouted across the courtroom, finally heard, finally rescuing Katara, “Your honor, he is badgering and leading my witness.” 

The defense attorney whirled on her, red in the face and panting, ready to scream. The judge slammed his gavel, “Order, Mr. Roran. Miss Shiren’s complaint is sustained, you will contain yourself while Mrs. Hiroku provides her answer.” The gavel hit the stand again, and quiet fell as every eye turned to Katara. 

She focused on the warm gold of her husband. “I wish it had been act, Mr. Roran. I truly do. I wish he had cheated on me. I wish he’d ignored our vows and tossed away our marriage, because that would’ve been easier than what I witnessed. He was  _broken._ ” 

“Everyday—” Katara took a deep breath to calm the tremor in her voice— “I watched him panic. I watched him get sick and cry and  _cringe_  if I came too close. He…  _We…_  we weren’t intimate for over a year because he’d only relive slivers of traumatic memories and I couldn’t do that to him.” 

She glanced at June, and when the woman nodded, Katara knew it was time to seal Mai’s fate. “We found some normalcy after moving to San Francisco. Zuko was recovering and we were  _happy._ Then, Izumi came— we found her,  _ **a newborn**_ , on our porch late at night. Who would do that? Who would leave their baby for someone else to find, but a crazed maniac capable of  _raping_ her ex-boyfriend?”

“And there’s more,” Katara said, her voice growing in volume, “there were threats and phone calls and taunts that she’d hurt me, or hurt Zuko, if I didn’t let her slip back into his life. She had videos of the act… which she sent to me on Thanksgiving. Our attorney has it all… it’s documented on the list of evidence for the jury’s appraisal. And you, Mr. Roran, you expect the court to believe your client is  _innocent?!”_

* * *

 

 As Katara was up there still, now taking the heat from Mai’s lawyer. Zuko’s golden eyes locked with her blue ones, and he nodded once more. She could do it, she could do it, she was doing it, she could do this. But, Zuko wasn’t so sure he could. If they called him up there, he was sure he’d go weak, his face would go ashen, and he’d vanish into thin air. But, Zuko listened intently, and watched his wife. He couldn’t look at anyone else. He needed to know she was there, and he wanted her to know that he was, too. 

Mr. Roran, Mai’s lawyer, was accusing him of awful, awful things he had to know weren’t true. He was doing it for money, like his father’s lawyer. He had to know Zuko wasn’t making things up to save his marriage– didn’t he? He’d seen the videos. He must’ve. Mai knew they were out there. So he must have. He must know that none of this was consensual, and it was all her doing. But, then again, even Katara didn’t know until they went to the police station. Zuko was left with his mouth fluttering around like a fish out of water in sheer confusion that morning, and every memory had his blood running cold. 

When Katara spoke about their pain, Zuko had to swallow thickly as not to break. She said she’d rather he had cheated, and he’d heard her say that before on the phone to Sokka when the days were bad, and he was especially broken. Zuko smiled at her, despite the tears that were fogging his vision. 

It was degrading, the way they were forced to share the details of their relationship and his recovery over the past year and more. But, Zuko knew they had to, if they were ever to lock Mai up. The more they could give to convince the jury, no matter how personal, had to be handed over. They had to hand Mai over to a prison warden. They had to move on in their lives. Katara spoke of Izumi, which always put a smile to his face. How could Izumi be explained, he wondered. That had to convince the people in the jury. Who would throw their baby on a porch and never see her again? Katara had a point, and he nodded at her, filled with pride at the way she was able to carry herself under pressure– and she did it  _for him._

But, Mai’s lawyer was speaking then. He had a sly smirk like the trick up his sleeve was going to set the case to rest, and set  _Mai_  free. Zuko swallowed thickly, his hands starting to tremble once more. The lawyer straightened his suitjacket and a greasy smile befell him, looking cocky as ever. 

“These videos, Mrs. Hiroku, your attorney has them, does she not?” he asked, though rhetorically, smirking. Katara affirmed, that yes, June did have the footage, and Zuko’s gut churned in his stomach, and he slumped in his chair feeling small. His eyes found the television hanging in the courtroom, and he felt ill. Zuko had never seen this video before, and he wasn’t sure he could take it. He was also wondering why her attorney wanted to show these videos. He must have a good trick up his sleeve to deflect them because they were so sure that the videos were the end of her. “Alright, let’s see them then,” the lawyer ordered, “Certainly, the ladies and gentlemen of the jury would like to see all evidence so they feel they can make a wise and accurate decision on the fate of my client,” Mr. Ronan ordered with a casual wave of his hand like he knew they were bogus, even though they were anything but. 

Zuko inhaled sharply, looking at his wife with nothing but absolute dread as the tech people hooked up the screen to a laptop which held all the footage. He could feel all the stares on him, and he wanted to vanish. His face was hot, and the first video they showed wasn’t that bad. It was the only one he’d ever seen, the one from the bar’s surveillance camera where you could see Mai brush by, and then Zuko apparently wasted a second later, then when he was shoved into the van, struggling to fight against her, but to no avail. Next, there was video of the entrance to Mai’s apartments. Zuko was heaved up the stairs, and then it cut to her shoving him down the stairs like he was a disposable mule, but even such treatment to a mule would be deemed inhumane. Zuko felt sick, knowing all these people were seeing this and tears built reluctantly in his eyes. 

 But, as the surveillance videos came to a close, the next sets of footage were shown. It was the videos Mai had sent Katara to taunt her about what she’d done. Zuko was shocked he’d never gotten the videos. Maybe she couldn’t find his new number that he’d gotten specifically to evade any contact with her. But, Zuko felt frozen in place when the videos screened. He couldn’t breathe, and he wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He saw himself shoved on a bed, shaking his head in a delirium as Mai stripped him of his clothes, slipping some other drug down his throat, and he was mumbling incoherently, he heard Katara’s name fall from his lips– saying stop, then asking her for help, and he clearly didn’t know what was going on, and she was all over him, and then on top of him, even when he began to cry. 

Zuko was going to cry right now. His face was bright red, and they all were watching this, and he couldn’t look anymore. The room felt like it was closing in on him, and it felt like a truck was parked on his chest, and Zuko got up. He took a cursory glance at Katara, shaking his head before he bolted for the doors, feeling claustrophobic in his own skin as he tried to shove past out the doors, but the security guards wouldn’t let him budge, and he pushed against them. 

“Please, please– I have to get out, just to the lobby. I- I can’t… I can’t be in here, I can’t– just let me out!” Zuko pleaded with them, struggling desperately against them, and wishing this was his father’s trial yet again because this was a thousand times worse.

* * *

 

All she wanted was to chase after her husband, to go with him and flee the court room and hunker down beneath fluffy sheets. She wanted to hide him, to protect him, but she was glued to her seat. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t so much as speak, not yet—

The judge banged the gavel, ending the video playback and silencing the murmurs among the jury. 

 _“Let him go!”_ He said, his hand waving at the men blocking Zuko’s exit. When the doors swung shut again, the judge sank back in his seat, looking haunted and weary. “I believe we’ve seen and heard quite enough to decide the fate of this case.” 

Mai’s attorney pestered, “Your honor, I’ve yet to present—” 

“You have yet to present what, Mr. Roran?” The judge looked at him irritably. “I can’t think of what you have left that may save Miss Sizuski from a very unpleasant fate, seeing how you turned down the plea I offered before dragging this into the courts.” 

He looked away, addressing Katara, the jury, and the rest gathered, “This production is over for the night. The jury and I will meet for one hour following, and another hour tomorrow morning, to discuss the verdict. Mrs. Hiroku, Miss Shiren, you are free to go. Bailiff, please escort the defendant back to her cell. Court is adjourned until 10 AM.” 

The gavel slammed again, but Katara barely heard it. She left the witness stand in a rush, darting from the courtroom into the hall. Her feet slid as she halted outside the doors, her wide eyes roving for Zuko, her lips moving with a prayer. 

She could only hope he wasn’t losing it, not  _without her_. 

Katara skirted around a group of passersby and made for the men’s restroom. It was cool, empty, but for one stall that revealed the bottom half of a man kneeling before a toilet. She shut the door quietly, turning the lock to keep any others out, then leaned back on teh heavy wood. 

“Love?” Katara called for him gently, “Zuko… it’s over for the night. We can go home, love. We can see Izumi and watch a movie.”

* * *

 

Zuko felt his entire world crumbling beneath his feet. He felt physically ill in every sense. He was shaking, and scrambled off to the bathroom as fast as he could. He felt the entire world now knew what had happened to him. That whole courtroom saw him naked, they saw him having sex– against his will. They saw him vulnerable, exposed, being completely weak, being taken advantage of, being treated like a slab of meat instead of a human being. He felt so small and so worthless again, and he felt as though every person in the courtroom felt the same way– saw him as pathetic and weak. 

 Zuko also was shaking from seeing what had happened to him in full. He saw the way Mai disregarded everything about him, forget as a boyfriend she once was supposed to respect and love, but the dignity withheld in every person just by being alive. She ripped his clothes off like it was wrappers on candy, and then she swallowed him whole, shoving a pill down his throat like he was an animal, or lower– like he wasn’t even sentient. He heard himself mumbling, and begging, and now he was hovered over the toilet, sobbing and he didn’t even realize or care who was in there. He was having a panic attack over a public toilet, and eventually he did heave into the porcelain bowl. 

Zuko was horrified that Mai might walk free, and he was so scared the jury may deflect blame onto him. He heard brief mutterings of Mai’s attorney trying to frame it as a sex tape they’d agreed upon making, but Zuko prayed they could see through him being shoved in a van, and the pill being pushed down his throat as he cried that there was no consent at all given.  

Zuko was finally shaken from his hysterical trance when he heard the soft, familiar voice of Katara. Zuko choked out a sob before opening the stall, his face blotchy and red, and wet with puffy eyes. But, he couldn’t find it in him to clean it up. He was devastated and collapsed into her arms, sobbing once more. He buried his head into the crook of her neck, and held her tight while he cried. 

“I looked so pathetic… I– I… they all saw that… all those people, Kat. They must think I’m so weak… I sounded so… so… gross, and it was all just so… and Mai… and I’m so scared they’ll think it was my fault… and I was naked, and the sex– and… on that screen…  _Kat_ –”

* * *

 

“Shhh…. No, Zuko…” She sank to the ground with him, tenderly stroking through his hair and drawing little circles on his back. It always calmed him, being touched and held. It didn’t matter that they were in the courtroom bathroom, mere feet away from the events of the day. 

Katara held him tight, kissing the top of his head as she did. “Zuko, it’s going to be okay. It will. You left before you could see their faces— even the judge, they all look mortified… and worried about  _you.”_

“Mai’s attorney tried to keep pushing,” Katara ran her fingers under his chin, bringing his eyes up to hers. With her thumb, she gently wiped away the tears from his cheeks. “Love, he was completely shut down. No one believes her; no one even wanted to look at her.” 

She pressed a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. “We can go home, Zuko, and I have no doubt this will all be behind us come tomorrow.” 

* * *

 

Zuko fell into Katara’s embrace eagerly. She always made him feel better, even if she couldn’t take away all the pain, she did know how to make him feel better. Zuko relaxed into her soothing and loving touches, holding her close until she tilted his head up to look at her. 

He was surprised by what she said, and a small smile of hope and relief formed on his face. “What…?” Zuko choked out, smiling a bit more as he shook his head. “They did? Really?” he spoke, “I was so scared they’d blame me,” he whispered, feeling a bit better, but he was still shaken and sickened by what he had seen on that screen. He was still so anxious knowing all those people saw that– him. 

But, Zuko tried to push past that, he tried to tell himself that if Mai went to jail, that degradation on screen, the humiliation and horror of seeing his own rape would be worth it. They could be safe. They could move on. They could be happy. 

Zuko looked at Katara, his lip jutted out and trembling as he thought about her. Zuko pulled her in close then, more tears falling. “You did this,” he whispered, holding her close as he laughed out a sob. “You convinced them. You– You were so brave, and you spoke so clearly, and you said all the right things, and you did it for me, and you came here, and you’ve been here this whole time, and you’re on the fucking bathroom floor in the men’s room– for me,” Zuko cried, burying his head into her shoulder once more. “God, Kat… I really don’t know what the hell I did to deserve you, but I hope you know that I don’t take an ounce of you for granted– I would do anything for you. Thank you, Kat… thank you… thank you… I– I don’t even… I can’t even… I… I just… Dammit, I just really fucking love you, Katara,” Zuko told her through a joyous and tearful laugh, though it was mixed with much pain while he was holding her close and meaning every word.

“Let’s… let’s go  _home_.”


	19. Chapter 19

When they finished the drive home, Katara left Zuko to pay their babysitter, and made her way to their master bath. She wanted to do something special for him, something to soothe him, after the long day they’d had. 

He always enjoyed the scent of vanilla and lavender— it was the scent she wore nearly everyday since meeting him. Katara quickly drew a bath for him, spilling a few drops of lavender oil into the water, before adding her vanilla Bath & Body soap for bubbles. 

Zuko found her in the steaming en suite not even ten minutes later, a tired, yet hopeful smile on his face. He’d kissed a sleeping Izumi goodnight and taken off his shoes, but he looked too weary for the rest. 

“Here,” She chuckled, leaving the tub’s edge to help him from his suit. “Let me.” 

Katara pushed the blue blazer from his shoulders. Then, with a delicate touch, she loosened his tie. She worked slowly; it was important that she did, that she watch his face and his reactions. His eyes were soft, however, so she kept at it. 

Her fingers moved to the buttons on his shirt, each one undone with care, showing him again— she’d always show him if need be— that she’d never hurt him, she’d never take advantage of him.  _She wasn’t Mai._  She knew he needed that, that he’d want to be reminded and loved after all he’d witnessed in the court room. 

With his dress shirt opened, Katara helped him from it, moving on to his belt next. She unbuckled the leather and pulled it from his pant loops, but she made no further move from there. She simply wrapped her arms around his waist, offering a tight hug before cupping his cheek. 

“I’m so proud of you, Zuko. You’ve been through so much and look at you… you’re still so strong.” Katara kissed his lips once, then nodded at the tub. “Get in.  _Relax_. I’m going to peek in on Izumi.”

* * *

 

Zuko was exhausted, but being in their little home in San Diego made him feel somehow  _safe_. He felt like there was a future here. He lived with Katara and their daughter, and Mai was locked up, at least tonight. Their family was nearby, their apartment was nicely furnished, and they both had jobs they enjoyed and paid well enough to keep them comfortable. Things, despite how they were hurting him, seemed to be looking up. Zuko, for the first time, in a long time, felt hopeful, even as the day’s trauma dragged him down, leaving a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

He had gone to tuck his daughter into bed affectionately before hearing the bath water run, and peaking his head in to check on his wife. She beckoned him in, and he smiled warmly, watching her as she came over to him, and he quickly realized this bath was for him, and he smiled at her lovingly with a sigh. He was so tired, he felt like he couldn’t move, and somehow Katara caught onto just that, and she gingerly undid his shirt. 

Zuko’s head unwillingly sent him to that video, and Mai undressing him, ripping off his clothes, and roughly throwing his limp body about like he was her sex doll. His stomach sunk, but quickly he felt lighter as his eyes met Katara’s Her eyes were gentle, affectionate, and warm. She was slowly undoing the buttons with care, and she met his eyes, not just his body. He knew he was far more than a body to her. He knew Katara would never use him. She wasn’t even looking for sex right now, she’d made him a bath with lavender and vanilla soaps, which were his favorite, that she paid enough attention to know. She did it for him- to make him feel better. Obviously, Mai had never even thought of such a concept, even when they were dating. He couldn’t remember one nice thing she’d ever done for him.

She left him in his boxers, respecting his space and need for it for now, and he embraced her in return, his gaze reaching hers. Zuko smiled at her compliment, laughing softly, and he leaned into her kiss, “I’m proud of you,” he replied, sneaking in another kiss and thanking her before he took her up on that offer. 

Zuko shed his undergarments, and slowly sank into the tub. The water was hot, and soothing, and Zuko sighed in relief, leaning back in it as he closed his eyes. It felt wonderful to just lie in the bath– and forget, if only for a moment. He tried to let himself focus on the fact that Katara said Mai would likely be in prison tomorrow, that even the judge was on his side– instead of letting the video permeate his head and Mai’s taunts torment his mind. Mai was not going to ruin their lives anymore. She wouldn’t win. They were too strong. They’d taken everything she’d tried to throw at them, and still, every time, wound up on top. 

Zuko sat up slightly as he heard his wife’s footsteps against the tile floor. He smiled brightly, yet tiredly at her, his hand extending towards her in an invitation as she came over, and he took her hand. “Kat, join me?” Zuko spoke, kissing her hand with a deep affection, nodding his head towards the water. “You deserve a break too.”

* * *

 

She was surprised to hear he wanted company, but not at all unhappy. Katara smiled,  _“Okay,”_  then squeezed his hand before pulling away. She felt his eyes on her as she undressed, though she made quick work of her blouse and pencil skirt. 

Katara looked up from the tile when the clothing fluttered into a pile, her coy glance met with something akin to desire. She took her time with her stockings, next, running her fingers slowly up each thigh to undo her garter straps. He looked mesmerized at each new revelation of skin, at her slow dance around to show off her back. 

She smiled flirtatiously over her shoulder, unhooking her bra and letting it fall. A faint gasp reached her ears. Her ass was still to him, but his eyes flicked to her reflection in the mirror. Katara trailed her fingers up her stomach, cupping her breasts, pushing them up and together with a firm squeeze. 

Zuko’s lips parted. She took that as her cue to turn around, her panties the last thing to fall as she stepped toward the tub. Katara slipped into the warm water with him, barely disturbing the peaceful surface. 

It was easily large enough for both a them, a deep, jacuzzi style bath that’d been the biggest reason they’d bought  _this_  apartment. She settled down, her front facing him and her knees curled up to her chest like she was suddenly shy. 

Zuko sat up, his hands finding her thighs beneath the sudsy water. With a playful grin, he tugged her closer, until she was nestled in his lap with her legs over each of his. Katara rested her forehead on his, warming at the adoration in his gaze. 

“I love you,” she murmured, pecking his lips, “I love you more than anything.” 

* * *

 

Even after all these years, Zuko was mesmerized by her. He watched as she slowly took off each article of clothing as she was still donned in her business attire for the trial. Zuko smirked at his wife as she teasingly rolled down her stockings, and he laughed lightly as she glanced back at him over her shoulder, flipping her long, wavy locks. Then Zuko’s breath caught as she teased and taunted him, squeezing her breasts. Her teasing had his mouth left ajar, and he then bit his bottom lip as he smirked, his eyes alight for her, but also shining with a certain tenderness that could never be chiseled away. 

Zuko smiled at her as she sunk into the water, and she glanced away, but Zuko smirked, determined to make her comfortable– to make her smile. He pulled her over to him as close as he could and his hands rested on her waist as their foreheads touched. That was when those tender words left her lips, and Zuko smiled brightly, kissing her back. 

“I know,” he whispered with a laugh, tears coming to his eyes with love. He was sure. He knew Katara loved him, you had to love someone to stand by them through all Katara did this whole time. She did so much for him, through thick and thin. He kissed her again, “I love you so, so much. There is  _no one_  I love more than you, Kat,” Zuko muttered, kissing her again, “ _Nobody_ ,” he stressed, leaving her with another kiss as his hand trailed up her side gently. He loved Izumi just as much as Katara, they were tied in his heart, but that still left no one higher. He loved Izumi and Katara more than anyone or anything he could ever imagine.

* * *

 

Her heart had to be soaring, the way it fluttered in her chest. Katara warmed with his words, bowing her head to meet his lips. He whispered sweet words against her breath, making her blush. When his murmured affections ended, however, Katara pressed her mouth to his.

His tongue licked at her lips, followed by a light nip from his teeth. There was something playful in the kiss, in the way his hands tickled up her ribs. His touch was teasing, intoxicating. Katara mirrored his sentiments with light caresses across his chest, taps along his collarbones— her fingers swept into his hair, tugging gently. 

The embrace broke for a heartbeat, his eyes soft and kind, filled with laughter. There was another note in the gold, however, a _longing_  of some sort, like he wanted to this moment to stretch out for eternity. 

Katara felt the same, an emotion she expressed with tender pecks from the side of his mouth to his left brow. She felt his lips on her neck, felt his hands glide up back to lessen even more the space between their bodies. She felt  _content,_ content to let his tongue explore her throat and her chest. Her hands mapped the muscles in his shoulders and his back. She felt him  _thickening_ between her legs, but she too felt a desire to stay still. 

They’d regained their sense of intimacy in the recent months, but not like this. Not with him acting so emboldened, so  _free_. She’d let him chase this new freedom, let him move as slowly or as quickly as he pleased. She’d let him lead. 

* * *

 

The second time they had made love since the ordeal, Zuko had been nervous again. She had just come back from leaving him, when she’d claimed to cheat, to not love him anymore, to want a man more than him. It was all after Mai sent the video that sent him reeling today. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, she was trying to spare him the pain he faced today. While he wished she hadn’t, while he’d wished that she told the truth, she had done it from love. Still, he felt anxious- his last memory was met in the aftermath with her leaving and confessing to a lie, to being unfaithful. 

But, the third, fourth, fifth, and countless times after, they’d regained normalcy in their intimate lives. Zuko trusted his wife with his  _whole heart_ , and they took things sweet and slow. Katara never pushed him, she never made him uncomfortable or made him feel pressured. The video still lingered in his mind, but he had healed enough that it didn’t hurt him to have sex with Katara. Katara wasn’t Mai, and Mai wasn’t Katara. He felt safe, and loved, and he trusted Katara. He was hurting from the event of the day, but instead of what Mai wanted, for him to keep fearing intimacy with his own wife, he found comfort in it. He found comfort in being so close to her and being with her in the quiet of the moment like this. 

Her skin was slick, warm, and wet in the bath and he was pressing kisses all over her face and her neck. He wanted her, and by the soothing touches her fingers granted on his back, and his neck, he found it safe to assume she wanted him just as much so. 

Zuko continued his kisses over her neck, and chest, and his hand caressed her thigh as he brought his lips to hers again. His eyes met hers, and he smiled, chuckling lowly and softly as he deepened the kiss.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured into her lips, pushing his nose gingerly against hers with a tender and playful laugh. Not only was she his wife, his lover, his companion, his teammate, his life partner, she was his very best friend, and he could never separate that nor forget it. 

Zuko’s kisses ran lower down her body as he sank into the warm, lavender-scented water, taking her breast into his mouth as his hand fondled the other. He kept kissing her breast as his hand sank underwater, his finger rubbing circles against her clit, smirking at her moans that came from her throat quietly. Zuko felt himself growing hard, wanting to relieve himself, to be inside her, but he wanted to tease her a little more– so he slowly inserted his finger into her core, moving in pace with her moans of pleasure. 

* * *

 

“You’re  _better—_ ” She breathed out a hushed response, her lungs rapidly forgetting their purpose. She felt lightheaded, felt warm and wanted. 

Zuko’s lips moved down her neck, marking her throat and her collarbones with open-mouthed declarations of love. Every caress of her skin was invigorating, sending goosebumps up her spine and heat to her belly. It wasn’t long before she was trembling, before her grip on his shoulders was as much to keep her steady as it was to keep him close. 

When he sank lower in the tub, his palms cupping her breasts only to be replaced by his lips, Katara let out a quiet plea,  _“Zuko…”_

He knew what she wanted. He obliged with a flick of his tongue. She cried out, her nerves on edge now that she’d been given a taste of pleasure, and he licked her breast into his mouth. He teased her, pleased her, nipping and kissing while his thumb circled the other pink bud. 

The hand that he’d placed on her hip slipped under, skimming her thigh, then finding her lips beneath the surface. A few soft strokes through her folds made her shudder. When he brushed her swollen clit, Katara responded with a languid hum. 

Her head tilted to the side, her eyes closed. Every fiber of her being felt focused on the small shapes being drawn between her thighs. 

_“God…”_

His fingers worked slowly, moving inside her like he had ages to tease her, eternity to make her come. She let out little cries, little murmurs when her release seemed within reach, and desperate mewls when he halted his motions and simply drug his thumb over her clit, his teeth tugging at her breast. 

Katara could sense him watching her. Even with her eyes shut, his honeyed gold bore into her, admired her with a mix of lust and pride. She was being undone— he was causing it. 

* * *

 

Zuko loved watching his wife unravel at his touch. He loved the way she moaned and writhed beneath him, and how she pleaded for his body and his touch. Zuko playfully smirked as his fingers teased at the nub of her clit and she was breathing thick now in desperate, labored breaths. Zuko knew her well enough to know that she was close, but he decided to tease her a bit more. 

Zuko’s cock was pulsating with desire, and he desperately wanted to bring his body one with hers. In the swish of the warm water, Zuko grabbed the edges of the tub, and positioned himself over her entrance. Zuko kissed her lips deeply with a moan, “I hope I don’t slip, it’s been a while,” teased Zuko in a breathy voice, practically shaking with a need to be in her. 

Finally, Zuko did just that as he lowered himself, pushing his cock deep within her sleek pussy, feeling her walls clamp around him. Zuko’s eyes lulled back, and he rested part of his chest against hers, furrowing his head into her neck as he moaned, “F–Fuck… K–Kat–Kat,” he cursed, reveling in the pleasure as he lazily kissed at her neck. 

Zuko began to steadily pump in and out of her, moaning her name against her wet, tan neck as he built a steady, but slower pace, his movements tender and thorough as their bodies swished in the water, their hips crashing, adding bubbles to the tub. 

Zuko’s kisses moved as he thrusted against her, desperate to reach that high, and bring his wife there with him. He kissed a wet line to her face, before meeting her lips once more. Their eyes, lidded and foggy opened, and met at the same time, and Zuko smiled- and he felt her smile against his lips, causing a genuine, loving chuckle to fall from his lips as he moaned. 

“F-Fuck… Kat… you’re beauitful, K-Kat, b-beautiful.”

* * *

 

“Zuko…” She pleaded beneath him, clinging to his body with her legs around his waist and arms around his neck. Water sloshed the floor with every meeting of their hips. He moved with a slow, deliberate purpose, building on the desire his fingers sparked moments ago. 

Katara could feel herself trembling, feel herself tightening around him with every thrust. It was perfect, knowing every inch of him, sharing this gentle intimacy after their grueling day. His lips drug up her neck, finding her lips again, and soon, Katara was whimpering, right on the edge. 

“Please—” Her breath was but a gasp, her eyes only half open, yet locked on his. "Zuko…  _god!_

* * *

 

Her arms were around his neck, her legs around his waist, and she couldn’t be closer to him. Zuko hadn’t felt so close to her in a long time, physically or emotionally, and he greatly welcomed the intimacy with open arms in every sense. He could feel his pleasure building, getting closer and closer to climaxing with every thrust into her sweet body. He could tell she was close too, by the moans in her throat and her pleas of his name. 

Her body was familiar, and he cherished every piece of her. Making love to Katara was almost like coming home, Zuko dragged his upper lip down her neck as a shaky sighed moan escaped his lips as he pressed their hips together, thrusting a bit harder, though the pace was still slow as he moved in the water. 

“Shit– Katara,” Zuko cursed, his breath thick as he grew closer and closer to his release, pumping into her with delicate and desperate kisses, and deep moans. “Ohhh– Oh, God, Kat– Kat, God–” Zuko mumbled airily as he sheathed himself against her walls one last time, spilling into her with his release, “ _Katara_ —” Zuko moaned into her skin as he let go and kept her close in the tender heat of their moment.

* * *

 

They slumped in the water together, lax and satiated. The bubbles were nearly gone, sloshed away and disturbed by their motions. Katara could feel his heart thundering away against her chest, in time with hers, but the rapid beats slowly calmed together. 

Zuko eventually shifted away, and he leaned back the opposite side of the tub, smiling comfortably at her. She gripped the sides to sit up. 

“Zuko, I—” Katara bit her lip then, her stomach twisting a little with nerves. Maybe it was too soon to ask… the trial wasn’t even over, nothing regarding Mai’s incarceration was guaranteed. Still, Katara was tired of waiting, tired of letting that woman dictate their lives and how they moved forward. 

But… maybe he wasn’t ready. Maybe it wasn’t time to move on so far; Katara certainly didn’t want Zuko to feel pressured. She hesitated, and slouched back with her arms across her chest. 

“Nevermind,” she muttered softly. “We should probably get to bed, hmm? Tomorrow might be a long day.” 

* * *

 

Zuko rested against her as they came down from their high, his heart racing, but in the best of ways. He kissed her, murmuring that he loved her before sighing and leaning back against the tub, feeling satisfied and content in the quiet warmth of their moment. 

When Katara spoke, Zuko looked up at her, his eyebrow quirked in curiosity before she dismissed herself, looking upset as she glanced aside. Zuko shook his head, taking her hand in the water. 

“Kat…?” Zuko prompted, giving her hand a squeeze. “What’s wrong?” he asked gently, his thumb running over the back of her hand. “Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly in worry. “You can tell me anything, Katara, anything,” Zuko assured her. 

“We can go to bed in a second, Kat. Tell me what’s wrong– please.”

* * *

 

She stared at their hands for a moment. The back and forth of his thumb soothed her pounding heart, but Katara still felt lacking for breath. 

Why was she so scared?  _What was making her so nervous?_

The worst he could do was say no, but deep down, Katara knew that answer wouldn’t be okay for long. She wanted a family with him. Not a family she’d received, not a family she’d been forced to take on… it was selfish and maybe even cruel to think, she  _knew_  that. She’d grown to love Izumi like her she’d carried her in her womb. Still, Katara couldn’t shake the desire for a family she made with him. She  _wouldn’t._

Taking a steady breath, Katara drew closer to him, pulling his hand so it rested flat on her belly. His eyes widened, like he caught her meaning, but she had to say it. 

“Zuko, I want a baby.” She swallowed as she tried to keep her voice from wavering. “I want one of my own, one that we create together, a mix of me and you.” Katara glanced away, afraid she’d see denial in his gaze.  _“Please.”_

* * *

 

Zuko watched her in worry. She looked horrified, and Zuko started to fear what she was going to tell him, and his face fell, watching anxiously until she finally spoke. 

When she did,  Zuko smiled softly, nodding, “Is that all?” Zuko said with a laugh. “God, Kat, you scared me,” he teased her, shaking his head with a tender smile. “I want a family with you, Katara. I mean, I want to have a baby with you,” he clarified, knowing Izumi was theirs. This was one of the only doubts he had. 

“Well, first… I want to make sure Mai is in jail, for a long, long time,” Zuko explained. “I… I couldn’t… if she was…” Zuko trailed off, feeling his stomach tighten in disgust as he thought if Mai was set free. He quickly repeated Katara’s reassurances about the judge and jury in his mind, and he took a deep breath, looking at her with a determined smile. 

“If she’s in jail, my only worry is that… do you think we could handle it right now? Two babies?” he spoke. “If we started trying now, Izumi would only be about two… I– I suppose that’s enough of a gap,” Zuko realized, talking himself into it with a warmer smile at the thought of having a baby with her. He’d be so excited. But, one last worry crossed his mind. 

“I don’t want Izumi to ever feel like she’s any less, Kat… I– I  _love_  her, and she’s mine, she’s my baby, Kat– and-and I can’t  _live with myself_  if the way she’s brought into the world comes to hurt her… That’s my daughter, Kat,” Zuko spoke. “I’m scared… I’m scared we’ll hurt her… I don’t know. I know you love her, and I love her with all my heart, but… it’s just– the way I was raised, and the circumstances now… I’m scared, but– but I do, Katara. I want to have a baby with you, so yes–  _yes_ , Kat.”

* * *

 

“That’s just  _it,_ ” Katara scowled at the water, pulling further from Zuko. Her face felt hot, her eyes stung with threatening tears. It was like his words had burned her. “She’s  _your_ baby.” 

She saw hurt flash in Zuko’s eyes, but Katara was only repeating what he’d said seconds ago. Izumi was his baby, his daughter, _**his.**  _Katara could sign all the adoption papers she wanted, but Zuko would always have this claim on her, this connection to her. And, with the way he talked, he seemed to think a second baby with Katara would  _threaten_  that. 

“Just forget it,” she muttered angrily, blinking away the dampness on her lashes. 

Katara dodged his attempt soothe her, and stood in the tub. She grabbed a towel from the shelf and stepped out, drying off in a frustrated state. As to make her point clear, Katara yanked open her vanity drawer, with drawing a pack of pills before popping one out and swallowing— same as she did everyday. 

“There, no baby for us.” She slammed the drawer angrily. “Not today, anyway. We wouldn’t want to hurt Izumi with a sibling.” 

She glared at him in the mirror, “That just  _pisses me off,_  Zuko. Why the fuck would you even think about me like that? Why the fuck do you think I would treat Izumi poorly just because I have a baby with you?!  _I’m not your mother.”_  

* * *

 

Zuko knew he hadn’t worded things right when Katara pulled back from him, and he sighed deeply in pain. “No, Kat–” he began, but she wouldn’t let him continue as she hopped out of the tub. Zuko swallowed thickly, wishing he’d kept it to himself as he groaned. Zuko sank in the tub, exhausted as all hell as he put his hand over his face. 

He didn’t mean by it, he didn’t mean to hurt her at all. He was just scared. That was the truth. His whole life, he saw children put above the other, and he was scared that this would give a subconscious incentive. Not just for her– for himself as well. Izumi, no matter how much he hated the sound of the words, the truth was, she was a result of the worst thing that had ever happened to him in his entire life and came from the womb of a woman who’d hurt him like no other. This was not her fault at all, and she didn’t ask for any of it. She was a baby, and she was perfect, and he loved her. But, he was scared. The last thing he wanted was to hurt their daughter. 

Katara ripped open their vanity, and took her birth control pill to stick it to him, and Zuko sighed in distress, getting out of the tub then, and grabbing a towel, and when he met her gaze in the mirror, he could feel her anger radiating from those hues of blue. She snapped once again, and this time it really hurt. Zuko inhaled sharply at her stinging words, and his gaze found the floor. 

His mom. 

Why would she bring her into this? Why would she slap his deceased mother in his face? Zuko found himself missing his mother tremendously in the past months, and he’d told her that. They put a picture up of each of their mothers on a wardrobe shelf in their bedroom that day, and Zuko was hurt she’d decry his mother like that. All Zuko could see now was her soft smile as they fed ducks in the pond, and the news when she was found dead, and he had to go retrieve her body. His father had killed her, and hidden her body– for years, and years. Then Zuko went looking, called in the police, and Katara was there through it all, she knew.

He wanted to scream at her that that was not what he meant, and he was sorry his words came out wrong. He really didn’t think Katara would ever want or mean to treat Izumi poorly, ever. He didn’t think he would either. It was the same fear of human fallibility he had for himself that he worried for in her. He was scared of a subconscious favoritism sparking up between their biological child and Izumi, Mai’s biological daughter. He was still scared of that, and he couldn’t help it. But, it wasn’t about her, or a doubt he had with her or anything of the sort. Katara was the most loving person he’d ever known, her and his uncle. He never thought for a second she’d mean it– or do something awful to her. He could see in her eyes and smile that Katara loved Izumi. The way she fed her, held her, taught her to walk, and talk, and sing the ABC’s. Zuko knew that. 

But, he saw his dad cast him aside, treat him like second-rate his whole life. He saw favoritism tear his family into smithereens. His grandfather favored his uncle, too, and it’d help create the monster his father was. He heard Azula lose her mind, claiming that their mother loved him more. But, Zuko didn’t see that that way, but maybe that was because he was on the other side that time. That was what she was picking at, and criticizing his mother’s skill and love as a mother, and Zuko was hurt. 

Zuko let out a deep, and obviously-pain-laden sigh and he just met her gaze in the mirror, both of their eyes were glazed with tears. Zuko’s chest was aching, and his throat was tight so he just shook his head, and left the bathroom, tugging on his robe and creeping into Izumi’s room where he sat at the edge of her crib, leaning on the edge, and watching her as she slept so soundlessly, hoping she’d always feel so at peace. Watching her made him feel some peace, but his heart ached. He was too exhausted to fight with Katara right now. He just watched his rape broadcasted to an entire room of people, and he had to go back and face those people who’d seen it all in person, he saw himself victimized and he had to go look that woman in the eyes again, he had to go up there and see if they were going to lock her up or if they were going to turn his life upside down once more. He didn’t have the emotional stamina to fight with her tonight, and it all just really hurt so Zuko sat there, his cheek leaning on the bar of the crib as his eyes clenched tight shut, and a tear rolled off his unscarred cheek. 


	20. Chapter 20

Katara woke the next morning, alone and disoriented, as she’d fallen asleep on the couch. Her neck ached, a crick in her back made it almost impossible to turn her head, and a knot in the pit of her stomach was making her sick. 

She had no idea if Zuko was alright, if he’d slept in their bed, or stayed next to Izumi’s crib. He hadn’t spoken to her since their bath, not even a bitter  _goodnight_  before he turned out all the lights. She’d been so cruel to him the night before, she couldn’t blame him. 

Checking the time —  _ **7:48 AM**_  — Katara padded down the hall to Izumi’s room. As she expected, Zuko was dead asleep in the rocking chair, his hand through the bars of Izumi’s crib. 

Katara gently prodded him, “Love?” 

“Zuko…” His eyes fluttered open and focused on her, before narrowing in a scowl. Katara sighed heavily. “Zuko, I’m sorry… about last night… about everything. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.” 

* * *

 

Zuko didn’t want to leave Izumi’s side. She was the only thing giving him any comfort in the moment, in the quiet in the night on the eve before his perpetrator would either walk free or get locked away. Zuko was so anxious, he now felt sick. The fight with Katara wasn’t making matters any better, and he didn’t want to agitate it, so he stayed right put. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about his mom, and missing her. He wished he could have done something to protect her. Maybe if he’d called the police… Zuko took a deep breath, and his worry over his mother, went back and forth between his unshakeable anxiety about the fate of tomorrow. He didn’t know what he would do if she was deemed innocent. She would never, ever stop, and the thought made him feel physically ill. 

He kept thinking about walking into that courtroom, and being right on display in front of all those people who watched him get assaulted on screen. Zuko drifted off in the chair out of sheer exhaustion, those his stomach swam, his heart raced, and his hands shook. But, not long after, he awoke in a sheen sweat, gasping– the images were ingrained in his mind. He kept seeing that video, Mai’s body on his, his own cries, the way she tossed him around like he was a used toy. He wanted to scream, but one glance at his daughter, and he softened, not wanting to wake her. 

Eventually, after hours more, Zuko passed out in the chair again, still gaining only about an hour’s rest in the course of the night. The next thing he new, he was looking into Katara’s eyes, and he frowned, afraid a fight was about to be picked, and he felt like he was going to throw up. He didn’t want to fight with her– at all. But, instead, a soft apology fell from her lips, and Zuko sighed in relief, a small smile claiming his lips as he wearily cupped her cheek. 

“It’s  _okay_ … I’m sorry too,” he whispered, his thumb stroking her smooth skin. “I know you love Izumi. I never meant to imply you would do anything to hurt her. She’s your daughter too,” Zuko whispered, “I do, I do want to give her a sibling, but I am scared,” he admitted still, hoping that wouldn’t make her angry, “For both of us, and for her– and in general… because… we have to see what happens today–” he spoke, through a yawn as he sat up, rubbing his neck which ached from the way he lied in the wooden chair. “–Before we do anything,” he muttered, slouching in the chair then in absolute dread. He felt incredibly anxious, and sick to his stomach. 

“I don’t want to go, Kat… I-I’m–I’m terrified,” he choked out quietly. 

* * *

 

“I don’t either…” Katara admitted quietly. “Not at all.” 

She swallowed a lump in her throat, then nudged him so his arms would open up. Zuko obliged, and Katara settled in his lap, hugging his neck. They sat quietly for a while, watching Izumi sleep as the sky grew brighter outside. 

The one-year old stirred eventually. Her big golden eyes searched the room, then landed on her parents, and a happy grin split her face. Izumi pulled herself on the crib’s side, squealing and pointing at Katara. 

_“Mama!!”_

Katara laughed at got up, sweeping the little girl into her arms with a spin. When she slowed, they danced together in a slow circle, bouncing to a song Katara sang and Izumi clapped her hands. 

“We’re going this for her, Zuko.” Katara looked away from her daughter, to where Zuko sat watching and smiling. “It’s  _hard…_ I know, but it’s all for her. She’ll have the _best_  life, and it’ll be because we went today and yesterday, because we faced Mai and _beat her_ for good.”  

* * *

 

Zuko wrapped his arms warmly around his wife as she snuggled into his lap. Zuko leaned his head on her shoulder, enjoying the quiet sunrise beside their daughter, if only for a moment. His arms wrapped around his wife tightly, and he just wanted to pretend it was all over. His head screamed with doubts, and dread that he didn’t want to burden her with. Instead, he just held her close, and found the comfort he could in that. 

When Izumi awoke, Zuko smiled warmly, though his head throbbed from lack of slumber and the shaking anxiety in his knotted stomach. Izumi was so excited to see Katara, her mom, and it made Zuko so relieved. It gave him hope. She gave him hope, and that was how he knew she was truly her mother’s daughter. 

Katara held Izumi close, singing for her, and bouncing her in a circle, and Zuko smiled wide, laughing softly at the scene. What was he afraid of? Katara loved Izumi with all her heart. He loved Izumi with all his heart. There was nothing that could ever get in the way of that– ever. They’d both do anything for her. 

Zuko stood, holding his head as the world seemed to spin, but when it cleared, he walked to them, holding the two people he loved most close. “You’re right,” he stated, pecking both their forehead. “We’re going to put this to rest… for her… for you. I’m doing this for  _us_ –  _our family_.”

But, still Zuko felt ill, though he reasoned, that just gave him another reason to fight even harder.

* * *

 

It was another long drive to the courthouse… or rather, it felt the way. In reality, the drive was barely fifteen minutes, but the extended silence and Zuko’s nervous tremor made it feel as though eternity had passed. 

Katara held his hand the entire way. She held it as they locked the car and entered the courthouse, and she held it now, as the judge took his seat and the oaths were said. She held his hand for him, as much as she held it for herself. She was his strength and she  _needed_ his strength.

They shared a look when the final formality was spoken. She smiled tightly and mouthed,  _“It’ll be okay,”_  towards him.  

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the judge started before Zuko could answer, and the court hushed in response, “after severals hour of deliberation, further review of both party’s arguments, and the evidence presented to the court yesterday, the jury is prepared to announce the ruling on The State of California v. Mai Sizuski.” 

In that moment, with a jury member standing and the judge turning his attention to the man, the world seemed to freeze. Katara could hearZuko’s breath halt. She could feel her heart in her own chest. She  _swore_  she could feel  _his._

“On the count of illegal possession of Rohypnol,” the jury member began, “we find the defendant guilty. On the count of child neglect and abuse, we find the defendant guilty.”  

Katara exhaled suddenly, her body feeling warm and  _light._ That second charge alone was punishable by ten years in prison, if not more. 

“On the count of aggravated assault, the count of aggravated battery, and the count of aggravated kidnapping,” he glanced at the paper in his hands, “we find the defendant guilty.”

She was crying now, quietly, but tears poured down her cheeks like a river. They were winning. They might actually win. Katara’s thoughts flashed to Izumi, to Zuko, to the future they’d all have together with Mai locked away and their fears abated. They’d be okay.

The jury member look down at the document one more time, then his gaze landed on Mai— who for once looked  _afraid._

“On the count of aggravated sexual assault in the form of date rape, we, the jury, unanimously find the defendant, Mai Sizuski,  _guilty._ ”

* * *

Zuko was shaking like a leaf when the time came to go. He couldn’t hear anything except for his own relentless doubts and screaming thoughts and the audio from that memory which was all that filled his mind. Zuko walked mindlessly to the car, feeling ill. He was visibly shaking, and he swore he was going to have a heart attack from how rapidly his heart was hitting his chest. He could hardly breathe. He had to take deep breaths just to steady himself, and they were heavy and labored, and shallow. Zuko was also so exhausted it was hard to stay focused, but he was so shaken, it would be impossible to sleep, like the night before, amidst his fight with his wife and his worries.

But, Katara took his hand, and he squeezed it tightly, perhaps too tightly in return, even as it shook. He was now so anxious he felt like he was going to lose his mind. When they arrived, Zuko sat in the car, refusing to even move for fifteen minutes. He couldn’t, he was almost paralyzed in fear, and didn’t want to face those people. He did not want to walk through the doors with their accusing eyes, knowing their eyes yesterday had seen him sprawled on a bed, with Mai on top of him. Zuko swore he was going to hurl, but Katara finally coaxed him to the courtroom. 

Walking through was painful, and it was all a blur. Zuko was so nervous, everything went by in flashes of moments rather than a fluid story. Zuko’s hand felt sweaty within her own because of how tight he was gripping, and he was actually sweating like crazy from nerves. Zuko couldn’t even remember the last time he was so anxious, and his lack of sleep didn’t help. 

Waiting was tortuous. He was alone in the silence, all eyes on him, and all he could hear was his own heartbeat. Zuko was really struggling to breathe now as he waited for the verdict, he felt himself panicking. What if she was found innocent? What if the evidence wasn’t enough? What if she got out and did it again? What if she tried to get custody of Izumi? What if she threatened Katara again? Would they need to move again? Would they change their names? Would Katara even come? Would she leave him? Would she take Izumi? Should he let her? What would he do with himself at that point, alone, then? 

Zuko hated the swarming doubts in his head and finally, as if on cue, the judge came out, and the juror stood, and began reading Mai’s verdict, and Zuko squeezed Katara’s hand tighter, his other hand on his forehead as he slouched in the chair. He couldn’t look. He heard them speak, and forced himself to comprehend the words now. 

Possession of roofies? Guilty.

Zuko sighed a little. That was something. 

Child neglect? Guilty. 

Zuko sighed even deeper, a dry sob escaping his throat then. That was a rightfully long sentence then. 

Assault? Battery? Kidnapping? All guilty. 

Zuko let out a real sob then, but he was still mortified for what was to come. Zuko laid his head on his wife’s shoulder, holding her hand with both of his, and these seconds felt like the longest in all of eternity. He was praying, and holding his breath, and quivering. 

Finally, it all came loose, crashing through, and Zuko really started to cry at the sound of those words. 

Date rape. Guilty. 

Zuko had never, ever felt so relieved in his life. He looked up at Katara, his eyes bright, letting out his breath, and he was still shaking in the aftermath and shock, and he was smiling brightly, and tears were all over his blotchy, red face. But, it was all raw and genuine, and he was so relieved. He was laughing and crying all at once, and Mai was shouting and cursing, and being carried away, and he wouldn’t need to see her for years, and years: 35, the judge clarified, to be specific. Thirty-five long years, and Zuko was so relieved. That was enough time to sort their lives out in peace- to heal and grow. Zuko was more than satisfied. He was so happy. 

There was still healing to do, and the shock of that video still haunted and hurt him,  but he was, for now, elated and more than anything, relieved. Because, they had done it. They had defeated Mai, after the doubts, and trial, the tribulation, the pain, and Katara, the beautiful, intelligent, kind, love of his life had stood by him through it all, and Zuko just looked at her, and in the mess and slew of the furor, Zuko kissed her, not giving a damn after all these folks saw, if they saw him now, more than willingly, exchange a victory kiss with the woman he would always and forever love.

* * *

Their mouths collided and Katara melted into the kiss. 

She didn’t care if they stared. She didn’t care if they were causing some sort of scene. It seemed no one cared, really. This was their celebration, their freedom— her and Zuko. 

She held him so tight, her arms encircling his waist like he’d fly away if she released him. Tears from his cheeks joined those on hers, joined the salt on her lips and those that streaked down her chin. She felt airy, completely invigorated by the outcome, by the joyful man holding her against his chest. 

When they broke apart, he had a bright smile on his face, one Katara couldn't help but return. 

“Thirtfy-five years,” she said. Her fingers came up to his scarred cheek. She tracing the rough lines, back to his hair that she affectionately tucked behind his ear. “She’ll be sixty when she’s released. We can have our _whole lives_ without her.” 

Katara thought of Izumi, as she’d been thinking of her throughout the day. Their little girl would be safe, now. She’d never have to know her biological mother’s sins, or her origins. She could be at peace being Zuko and Katara’s baby, and that was it— her innocence preserved.  

Her father came up behind her then, making her thoughts fade away. His palm found the small of her back and the other landed on Zuko’s shoulder. 

“Congrats, you two. I’m so proud of you both.” Hakoda smiled warmly, letting them go. “Go home… get some rest, love on my grandbaby. Tomorrow, we’ll celebrate!”

* * *

Zuko stayed in her arms, laughing and smiling, and crying as he held her close. “Thirty-five years,” Zuko repeated, again- and again, like the word was sweet as sugar. He laughed in joy, Katara was right. They had their whole lives now. They had each other and Izumi, and any future children they bore– safely now. They could be safe. His little baby girl was safe from whatever horrors Mai would try to bestow upon her. It was over- it was all over, and Zuko was so happy, he now just wanted to sleep. Now- that he actually, finally, could. He wanted a cup of hot tea with his uncle, then he wanted to curl into bed with his wife and sleep for a long time.

Hakoda came over, and embraced them, and next came his uncle, and Sokka, and Suki- Toph and Aang, and they all were holding him close. Iroh was crying, and Zuko let himself be in his uncle’s arms a moment, as if he was little once more, if only for a moment. Zuko felt incredibly loved in the moment, despite the atrocities he was here for, from a lack of love, a lack of any respect for his dignity of personhood even– that evil had been defeated, and in it, he found and felt such love and such strength. 

“I think we’re gonna have to take Hakoda up on that offer.”

* * *

 “Tomorrow,” Katara said, smiling at her father and accompanying family. She felt so light, so happy, even with the tears still falling down her cheeks. “I’ll look forward to it, Dad.”

She gave him one last hug, then her and Zuko waved goodbye. They left the courthouse, never wanting to go back, but so glad they’d come. For once, tomorrow held some hope. Instead of just surviving, they’d finally be living. They could heal and move on. They could put this trauma behind them.

Tomorrow was a promise now. As Katara put their car in gear to take them home, she smiled, a quote from Annie coming to mind— the sun would come out tomorrow— and there really was no place like home.


	21. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From here on: This is the epilogue that honxrable and I wrote to No Place Like Home. It picks up a year after Zuko and Katara won the court case against Mai. Enjoy! 
> 
> (and I'm sorry, but I'm doing even less work to make it 'presentable.' It's too time consuming and I'm a busy person. So please, accept my copy and paste job RIP)

_“Mmm…”_ Katara sank down on her husband one last time, both of them moaning as the last remnants of pleasure faded away. His rough grip on her hips finally relaxed, and she rolled off him with a cheeky grin. 

“I love it when Izumi sleeps passed 6:30 on the weekends,” she laughed. She tugged the sheets back up to her chin, hiding their naked bodies and nuzzling closer to her husband. “Can you believe she’s been in our life for two years?” 

Katara pecked Zuko’s nose, thinking of how similar it was to Izumi’s, and then how their daughter’s birthday party was in a few hours. She was turning two— well, she _had_ turned two, already, but they were just now celebrating. 

She wanted to be sure everyone in their extended family could make it— Sokka, Suki, and their kids, Hakoda and his wife Lilah, with Lilah’s son Myka, and Iroh. With all the conflicting schedules, given that the school had started back up again, it wasn’t until three weeks after Izumi’s second birthday that the celebration was actually happening. 

Katara found it vaguely ironic that the chosen date also coincided with the anniversary of their court win. 

They’d been doing well in the last year— she was promoted to chief of pediatrics at the hospital, and Zuko was having success at his teaching position. He was happy, the kids loved him, and he was something of counselor to the many boys and girls he oversaw. They even started therapy together, at long last working through some of the issues that’d been pushed aside for the lawsuit:  _Zuko’s healing. Katara’s wellbeing. Communication and trust._

It’d been a happy year, a hard year, nonetheless, but they were  _happy_.  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159319534311)

There was nothing Zuko looked forward to more than lazy Sunday mornings with his family. Before the sun rose, if they were lucky, Izumi was still snoozing away, and from her always waking them, it was nearly impossible to ever sleep in. This finally gave them the alone time they craved. Zuko was a little sleepy, but they’d crawled into bed early the night before.

It was crazy, how much has happened. Katara was promoted, he was very happy at his teaching position, and so much pain had been endured, mixed with triumph, and becoming parents suddenly. But, Zuko was happy for the last part. He wouldn’t trade Izumi for anything in the world.

The party was going to be nice, and Zuko was looking forward to it. He was looking forward to time with his uncle, Hakoda, Lila, Myka, Suki, Sokka, and his nieces and nephews. He loved it when they were all around. They had done nothing but love and support them through it all, and even fought for him. Zuko was so happy they were able to stay with them in San Diego.

When Katara rolled over and curled into his side, propped up, looking right at him with her big, bright, blue eyes Zuko’s heart felt so light in that aftermath. He had been happy, really happy recently. He couldn’t believe how much things changed– now, only for the better. Things were good, better than good, and for what it was worth, to find light in the pit of dark despair, Zuko felt closer to her than ever. He was scared of the opposite, but that wound up not the case.

Zuko smiled at her as she pecked his nose, and he cupped her cheek affectionately, stroking beneath her eye tenderly with his thumb. “The mornings are nice when they’re quiet,” he said with a laugh, his hand absentmindedly drifting to her chin as his thumb stroked over her bottom lip lovingly and sleepily.

“I can’t believe our little girl is already two… I always rolled my eyes at parents saying how fast their kids grew, but… wow, she’s– she’s really getting big. Next year, she’ll be in pre-school. I can’t believe it… she’s so smart too, Kat. I’m so proud of her. Did you see the finger painting she made yesterday? Of the three of us? It was good! I knew exactly who was who, and she wrote her name on it! She’s only two!” Zuko said with a groggy, but happy chuckle.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159320908682)

“Well, we all know where she got her artistic talent from,” Katara laughed and slipped from the bed to grab her robe. As she pulled it on, her eyes drifted the night stand. 

She’d framed a sketch that she found in Zuko’s desk back when they were first dating. He’d nearly lost his mind when he caught her with it, but Katara gave him a little kiss. She’d said she wanted to keep, so when they were old and wrinkly, he could look back and remember the bright, young eyes he’d fallen in love with. 

Sometimes, Katara wondered if he remembered that silly moment in rundown his apartment. 

“We hadn’t been together more than three weeks.” Her gaze slid back to her husband. “Three weeks— I was in love with you already.” Katara shook her head, reminiscing the days in college. “Who would’ve thought we’d make it this far?”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159322430046)

Zuko smiled, watching her get up and go to slip on her robe. Zuko was still sleepy, but he was also starving, and conflicted between his bed and his breakfast. He decided to procrastinate on the decision a moment, watching Katara traipse around the room with a smile. 

He sat up finally when she looked at him, and he smiled right back at her, it growing wide and lopsided and bright when she spoke back to their early days together. “I loved you before we were _even dating_ ,” Zuko spoke, now mesmerized by her eyes, and warm with nostalgia. They’d been through so much, they’d weathered hell together. “You were– are– my best friend, and I was with… her… and it drove me crazy because I swore it was wrong, and Aang was my friend, and I tried to deny it for so long, but eventually I gave up. There was no use lying to myself… I was in love with you.”

They went through high school, where he was a brooding bully to everyone, but especially she and her friends before Zuko reconciled with them. They wound up in the same college then. They’d tracked down and found her mother’s murderer with the knowledge Zuko acquired from his father’s intel, and Katara nearly killed him before deciding he wasn’t worth it. They’d seen his uncle thrown in jail, they’d sued his father together and won, he took a bullet from his sister, which was meant to kill Katara, and nearly killed him, hitting his heart. They’d both gone through hellish relationships high school, bleeding into college, and watched each other claw their ways out. Now, they’d gone through all this, and they were still standing tall, and Zuko didn’t think he’d have his head so high beside anyone else. 

His eyes still held hers with nothing but a deep admiration and love gleaming in them, his eyes lost in hers. “I always hoped we would… I knew we could– and… I know we _will_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159323323162)

Katara approached the bed, giving him a quick kiss, then cupping his chin. “I know, too.” 

“I’ll make you some breakfast, okay?” She was already halfway from the room. Katara stopped in the doorway, turning to face him one last time. “Will you get Izumi up… and maybe put on some clothes?” 

She threw him wink, then waltzed away, making for the kitchen with a song stuck in her head. Katara hummed softly; she pulled eggs and bacon from the fridge, and hamburger meat for the party later. She also had chopped fruit, ice cream, cake and balloons— the latter of which she began inflating after Zuko sat down with Izumi. 

The pair ate together, her husband and daughter. Izumi babbled happily and Zuko watched her like she was his world. 

Katara came around to his side of the counter, her hands full of balloons, but not so much that she couldn’t nuzzle Zuko’s cheek. She kissed Izumi, too, then pull away. 

“Bring her outside when you’re done?” Katara asked. “You can help me set up the lawn games.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159324077436/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko finally got out of bed at the sound of breakfast, and he washed his face, brushed his teeth and threw on his jeans and and a casual top for the party. He crept into Izumi’s room, smiling wide as he scooped her into his arms, kissing her face lovingly until she woke up. Her little gold eyes met his own, and he pecked her little nose, bringing her into the kitchen, and putting her into her high chair. 

Zuko ate away at the breakfast Katara prepared, complimenting her cooking as he made faces at his daughter happily. Katara was blowing balloons, and Zuko followed Katara outside, holding some balloons. He picked up Izumi in his other arm, and set her down in a playpen as they began to set out games for the kids, and put up a table, balloons tied to each chair. 

When they were done setting up, it looked really nice, and he imagined it’d only look better when Izumi was there before her cake in her birthday dress. Zuko walked up to his wife, and wrapped his arm around her waist, pecking her cheek. 

“It looks great, Kat,” Zuko spoke, “You picked great decorations,” Zuko told her, then getting the chips out and ordering pizzas as the party time drew nearer. Zuko dressed his daughter in her dress, and insisted on Katara holding Izumi so he could take a picture of them. 

Before long, their family began to fill the room, making things a joyful noisy that Zuko would never tire of.


	22. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 2

“Dad! Lilah!” Katara happily wrapped the couple in a hug, smiling as the house bustled with the noise of her loved ones. “I’m glad you could make it.” 

Hakoda and his family were the last to arrive, bringing far too many gifts for Izumi, but Katara would never fault him for being an overly doting grandparent. She could tell it made Zuko particularly thrilled, perhaps because his own parents weren’t here to love on Izumi, or perhaps because he knew Izumi would never be treated differently. She was a true part of their family— she had been since that fateful Thanksgiving. 

“I hope it’s not too much,” Hakoda chuckled, reading Katara’s expression. He held the frilly bags out towards his daughter. “You know I can’t help it.” 

She took the presents from him, “It’s great, Dad. Follow me.” 

“Everyone is out back already.” Katara set the items aside on the kitchen, then offered her dad and stepmother each a drink before leading them outside. 

Myka darted around her, joining Koda, who was five now, on the swing set. Even with the eight year age gap, the two got along like the best of siblings, something that made her — _and Sokka and Suki_ — smile. In the sandbox, Izumi waddled about, ignoring Iroh’s warnings not throw the sand, as the older man grappled with Katara’s one year old niece and nephew, Arya and Milo. 

Zuko was watching them play with a smile. When Katara caught his eyes, she waved him over. 

“The rest of the guests finally decided to join us,” she said, “And they spoiled Izumi rotten once again.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159349830341)

He knew it wasn’t fair: to hold his in-laws at the standard of his horrid family, but even years and years later, abuse was a hard thing to shake. Rationally, and in his heart, Zuko knew his in-laws were kind and loving. They would never ever judge Izumi for what happened. They would treat her the same, but still, the doubt and worry lingered. Whenever he saw them together, the worry vanished. Zuko saw Izumi skip about happily with her cousins and her young uncle.

Gifts piled up, and it was more than gifts, they picked her up and spoiled her with hugs and kisses, too. They spoiled her with love, as if there could be such a thing. It made Zuko’s heart warm, and he was so happy their daughter would grow up safe and loved. Her family adored her, and visited all the time. She deserved nothing less.

Zuko watched as Sokka let Izumi sit on his shoulders as she giggled, clinging to him, practically choking her uncle. Zuko then saw his wife beckon him over and he came with a smile. “I see that everyone’s gone overboard with the presents again,” Zuko said with a laugh, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Hakoda came over then, having stolen little Izumi from her uncle, and peppering her face with little kisses as she giggled her head off. Zuko smiled as Hakoda came over to the couple, “I think Izumi needs a ‘round the clock playmate! When’s my next grand baby going to come along, huh?” Hakoda teased, winking at them, “Izumi here needs a little brother or sister! Right, sweetheart?” Hakoda asked as Izumi squealed excitedly, clapping her hands before she tugged at her grandpa’s hair again with a gurgle. “Yes! Please, Mama! Please, Papa!” She giggled, and Hakoda just smirked and nodded at them before propping her up on his shoulders with an oof.

“I’m getting too old for this!” He teased, leaving Zuko eagerly gazing at his wife.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159351735267)

Katara gave her father and husband a tight smile. She didn’t want Izumi’s heart to be crushed, but then again, the girl was only two and she couldn’t read that much into Katara’s tense expression. 

“We’ll see,” she said, quickly looking away at the other kids playing. “Maybe in a few years.” 

Hakoda was watching her, and Zuko. She could feel their eyes boring into the side of her face with pensive curiosity. She knew Zuko wouldn’t push it, not right now, but her dad was another story. 

“Well, why not, honey? Izumi’s old enough to be a great sibling.” He shifted the toddler in his arms, his figure poking her nose to make her squeal. “And you’d be a great mother— you’ve already proven that.” 

She didn’t answer, not right away. A fight was ringing in her ears:

> _“I don’t want Izumi to ever feel like she’s any less, Kat… I– I love her, and she’s mine, she’s my baby, Kat– and-and I can’t live with myself if the way she’s brought into the world comes to hurt her… That’s my daughter, Kat._

Katara shrugged, “I said, we’ll see, Dad.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159352045996)

Zuko remembered Katara’s loving patience. He could never, ever forget that. He would never, ever pressure her. Not for anything. Zuko smiled warily at Hakoda when Katara showed discomfort with the situation, and his hand ran to her lower back, rubbing gentle circles. He kissed her cheek when Hakoda walked away, whispering in her ear. He didn’t want anyone eavesdropping, even his family.

“Kat, don’t worry about it. When you’re ready, if you’re ready, we can talk about it, but not a second before then,” he spoke, kissing her cheek again. “I love you, Kat. I love Izumi… I’m happy. I’ll wait as long as you need, as long as you want,” he told her. “We have time… though, I do keep passing the animal shelter, and I kinda want a dog, but– that’s another story,” Zuko said with a laugh, hugging her close.

“Come on, don’t worry. Let’s enjoy our daughter’s party- okay?” Zuko said, handing her a can Cherry Coke, her favorite. “Let’s go, hm? I think Toph is at the door.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159354247977)

“And if I’m never ready?” 

Katara pulled from his embrace, a dark look crossing her features. She wondered if he remembered that fight, and if he did, if he had any clue how deeply his words had effected her. 

She’d said some awful things, too. She’d hurt him… but calling into question his ability to parent? To love unconditionally? She hadn’t done that. He had, and a part of her resented him for it. 

She’d wanted a baby with him up until that very day. With a few ill-spoken words, he’d stolen the desire right out from under her. Now, a child her own just scared her. 

“You have Izumi.” Katara accepted the can of coke with a sigh. “That’s enough. A- another kid will just complicate things and I’m not in the mood for complicated. I actually might even get my tubes tied— taking a pill everyday is _complicated_ , too.”

She threw that harsh comment at him, immediately wishing she hadn’t, but walked away anyways. This wasn’t really a fight she wanted to have— now, or ever. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159357035676/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko’s light mood instantly sunk like a popped balloon the second he caught her glance. He sighed deeply, wishing Hakoda hadn’t said anything at all because they were having such a nice day. Now, his heart was heavy, and he was anxious, knowing there would be a fight as soon as the party ended. He didn’t want to fight. He hated fighting- especially with Katara.

Zuko swallowed thickly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. At first, he thought she was scared, and he was going to simply respect it. She’d always respected him. He would do no less, ever. But, when she said that “he had Izumi”, he knew she was angry.

She didn’t say that “they” had Izumi- just him. That wasn’t so. This party proved it, they all had little Izumi. Zuko clenched his jaw when she talked about getting her tubes tied, and he couldn’t imagine this all stemmed from an old argument. He remembered it too, like it was yesterday. It was exactly a year ago now. But, it hurt, and he knew he’d fucked up too, without meaning.

He was trying to say then, he was scared for Izumi. He was scared how he would treat her, how Hakoda would treat her, his uncle, his brother-in-law, his nephews and nieces, everyone. Not just Katara. He was scared because of the competition siblings had and how he had, and he was scared that Izumi’s conception and birth mother could hurt her. By everyone. He never meant to question Katara’s love. He didn’t. He had doubts for human nature, which since, he found silly. Looking around his backyard, he found it so silly. There was so much outpouring love. This was earlier, he was hurting more, full of more anxiety and fear. Things had calmed, they were okay now- and he was okay with that.

But, Katara was not.

And, now he was thinking about his mom. Her mangled body which was found and he had to handle. He thought of her kindness and love. He thought of her smile, laugh, and smell. He thought of Katara’s mother- and the gentleness in which he held her in his heart for what she meant to the woman he loved. He thought about how that meant nothing to Katara. Zuko hated those haunting words and their implications. He hated that fight. He hated what this was now. So he now just sighed, trying to exhale the hurt of everything. “Whatever you need, Kat… I’ll support you.”


	23. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 3

The party went well, stretching late into the night, long after Izumi and the other children had fallen asleep on the sofa or living room floor or in their parents’ arms. 

Sokka scooped up Koda, one of the very kids who’d passed out with a throw pillow on the carpet, then followed Suki to the door. 

“Night, Sis,” he whispered, kissing her cheek after she gave each of the twins a kiss. “We had a lot of fun. Thanks, and tell us how Izumi likes her presents in the morning.” 

Katara laughed and nodded. “I will.”

They hadn’t even gotten through all the gifts. The kids hardly wanted to stop playing and the adults had gotten into a very tense game of croquet. It helped that Izumi wasn’t quite old enough to comprehend the idea of presents. Katara and Zuko would have to sit down with her in the morning and show her how to unwrap them. 

“Bye… Love you, Sokka.” She closed the door, then turned around. 

Her husband stood behind her, Izumi curled up in his arms. Katara came towards him, her hand on Izumi’s tiny back and her other stroking up Zuko’s arm. 

She kissed his cheek gently.  “I love _you,_ too, Zuko… I’m sorry, about snapping earlier.” 

A flicker of sadness crossed his face. She’d avoided him after Toph got there, instead hanging close to Lilah and Aang. The two had similar personalities, always happy and smiling— they didn’t question her dark expression, and soon, they’d rid her of it altogether. Katara loved them for it, but she knew she’d hurt Zuko, as well. 

“I— I hope you can understand,” Katara started, pulling back and wringing her hands together. Her eyes drifted over her daughter, whose hair had gotten longer as of late, and straight. _As straight and as black as Mai’s_ — sometimes it made her jealous, and that was precisely why another child had to be off the table. 

“I’ve been _scared_ … since I asked a year ago… I just don’t know if I even _want_ a baby anymore.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159360880266)

Other than the hurtful words that befell Katara’s lips earlier, the party went very nicely. Everyone loved the food, love talking and seeing each other again, and generally having a good time. Zuko still had a good time, seeing the kids play, and laugh, and chatting with his family and friends. It went well, and Zuko bid his family farewell, as Sokka and his family were the last to finally get their kids together and go. That left Zuko holding Izumi in his arms tiredly as she slept, and Katara and him- alone.

The air felt tense, but Zuko was tired. He was relieved when Katara came up to him, gently touching his arm, and kissing his cheek as his eyes fluttered shut, and he leaned into her little peck, smiling slightly, warmly. “It’s okay, a… sore subject was brought up. It doesn’t matter,” whispered Zuko, kissing Izumi’s head. “I’m just glad Izumi had a nice birthday,” he spoke, closing his eyes as he rested his cheek affectionately against their daughter’s forehead. 

But, when Katara spoke again, he frowned. “I– I do, I do understand, Kat. I meant that,” he assured her. “Things haven’t been easy. I was so scared too, I didn’t know if I’d ever want a baby again… I didn’t know how I’d ever even be able to have sex again,” he admitted, “But– things worked out. And… if– if you changed your mind, Kat, I’ll respect that. I will,” he promised. 

“But… I don’t think you should do anything permanent yet, Kat… it’s only been a year, and you might change your mind later. I’m not saying you will, or trying to make you, but… if you do, you’ll be so upset, and you can’t go back. You– You can keep taking birth control, but you can’t untie your tubes,” he said with a slight laugh, but it was not in humor. Nothing about this was funny, and when he caught her last sentence, it really wasn’t. His heart ached at her words.

“Kat… love… this… this isn’t… about what I said, is it?” Zuko asked, frowning deeply as his hand cupped her neck. “What I said came out wrong, Kat. I didn’t mean it like that at all. I was terrified, Kat, _terrified_.  I hadn’t slept, it was the night before the trial, and I’d just seen that video… I was a mess, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was scared your dad would treat Izumi different, and Sokka, and Lilah, and Suki, and Myka, and Koda, and me, and Uncle, and you. I was scared that everyone around us, in our family, would. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kat. I didn’t mean to act like she was any less yours, or you could ever be a bad mom- you couldn’t, even if you tried. You are the greatest mother in the entire world, Katara… _and_ the greatest wife,” he said with a smile. 

“If… if you don’t want a baby anymore, then… I will respect that, Kat. But, please- please don’t let some words I said all wrong out of anxiety have anything to do with that decision, Kat. I think you’re an amazing, wonderful, loving mom. Izumi loves you to pieces, and I do too. There is no one else in the world I would rather raise kids with, whether you adopt them, or we have them… I know you love her, and I don’t have any doubts anymore about it. I know you would love Izumi just as much as any kids we’d have together. God knows your heart is big enough for plenty. I’m so sorry, Kat. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I never want to hurt you, and I meant nothing but mindless worrying out loud when I said that, and I didn’t mean a thing against you. I love you, Katara. I have full faith in you- in _everything_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159362687277)

Her lips pressed together, forming a thin line as she fought tears. Katara sank away from him, her shoulders blades hitting the door behind her first, then the rest of him. 

“I— I don’t know.” She found it hard to look at him, _painful._ His gaze held such a hope that she’d change her mind or say _yes,_ like they could try tonight or something. Katara’s eyes trained on the floor. “I can’t have a baby… not one of my own. _I just can’t_.” 

She chanced a look up, recognized the need for _answers_ in his expression almost immediately. Katara let her eyes drift over Izumi as if that would make him understand. 

“Sometimes I look at her, and I get angry because I see nothing of me. I know you were upset that night… but I also know your worries were founded in something.” Katara took a shallow breath, feeling sick and shaky before him. “I— I can’t… as much as I want a baby with you… you’ll always be afraid of how I’ll treat Izumi. You may even treat our baby differently because of it. Or- or me— you might resent me if we- if I—” 

She felt her throat tighten, and she choked on a sob. Her fingers came up to her lips, trying to muffle the sound. It really wasn’t any use. The tears were already flowing freely, streaking and burning down her cheeks. 

“I’m not having a baby.” Katara shook her head. “I’m not adopting one. I’m not giving birth to one. _I’m not_.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159363319181)

Katara’s words vindicated his deepest, darkest fears. That was precisely what he was afraid of. Zuko feared anyone, even himself, looking at their little girl and thinking any less of her, or associating her with what Mai did to him. He felt his stomach drop, and he subconsciously held Izumi closer. Why- how could she get angry looking at her? He knew the anger wasn’t directed at her, but Zuko never ever expected that. This was what he feared, this is what he meant that night. He meant the subconscious associations, and the resentment, anger, bitterness.

Katara said she grew angry when she saw Izumi, and thought about how she didn’t look like her. She was associating their daughter with Mai- and what she did, and took. That was Zuko’s greatest fear he voiced that night, and he would never repeat anything even close to it. He saw the damage he’d done. He loved Katara. He didn’t blame her for this, he didn’t think she was bad, or any less. He thought this was what might happen because of the nature of everything that happened. He wasn’t mad or upset with her at all. He just was scared that this would happen- and it did. And, it made him sad for them all.

The way she said “our” baby to differentiate between a biological baby and Izumi hurt. And, Zuko felt so much tremendous guilt at the long lasting hurt he never ever meant to cause. “No… Kat… I know you love her, please don’t think like this,” Zuko whispered. “I was scared the world would see our little girl differently… I wasn’t ready, the thought scared me… I grew up with sick sibling competition, Kat. I just got scared… from my uncle, your dad, Sokka, myself… just because of how she got here. It wasn’t about you, Kat. It wasn’t about how you would treat her… I know you, Katara. I know how much you love,” he explained, finding himself more upset by the minute and he wasn’t sure why.

But, then- she cracked, and Zuko’s heart did too. “Oh, love, no– shhh, don’t cry,” Zuko spoke, walking to her as he shifted Izumi on one hip and embraced Katara in the other arm. “Shhh, love, love… shhhh, you don’t have to. I won’t make you. I won’t ask- ever. I promise,” Zuko whispered, “I’m so so sorry… I just… I feel sick knowing I caused you to feel this way… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry,” Zuko choked out, rubbing soothing circles on her back as he leaned his head against hers, fighting tears now too as painful memories from all over the place surfaced. “I love you. Please don’t cry, Kat… please, my love…”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159364199202)

Her fingers twisted in his shirt, clutching at his lower back as he held her. Katara buried her face in his chest and _cried._ She knew she was soaking his shirt. She thought his arm was getting tired from holding Izumi. His feet probably hurt from standing so long. She, herself, was weary from the long day. Sobbing against him, however, Katara didn’t really care. 

Her tears were _relentless,_ like all she’d held in during the two years since was pouring from her.

She wanted a baby— and she didn’t. _She couldn’t_. Zuko had let slip his worst fear a year ago, she didn’t want to risk it. All this healing, all this sacrificing, it was all for him, _always for him._  

Selfishly, she pulled away, wiping at her nose and sniffing. Katara’s blue eyes were rimmed with red, her makeup smudged and smeared down her cheeks as she regarded him silently. 

“When will _**I**_ get what I need?” 

Katara broke the quiet, finally, though she instantly regretted her words. How could she think that way, think that he owed her anything, or that she deserved something? He was happy, again, shouldn’t that be enough? 

She crossed her arms, rubbing her biceps with a long, shaken sigh. Tears still fell, in fewer numbers, now, but still hot and _hurting_. “I’m sorry… I think I should just go to bed.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159381934811)

Zuko’s heart broke in half as Katara began weeping into his chest. Zuko inhaled sharply, and pulled her close as he could, stroking his hand through her hair. He kissed the side of her face, his cheek then resting on the top of her head as he ran gentle circles on her back, pursing his lips as he fought tears. Zuko was full of guilt. His heart always ached to see Katara cry, but knowing he caused it made his chest tight with immense guilt. He also started thinking– it was him, all his fault Katara now didn’t want a baby with him anymore– ever. 

Zuko kept holding her, and whispering soothing nothings, and apologizing, and telling her he loved her, but she pulled away then. Katara looked him right in the eyes, black smudges on her face, pink lipstick smeared near her lips, and her face wet, red, and blotchy. Zuko’s heart sunk at the sight, and his face was set in a steady frown, wanting to take this pain away. He hated himself in the moment, he hated how he’d made her apparently feel. 

Then, when she spoke, he wondered if she hated him too. Zuko swallowed thickly then, and tears became even harder to fight. He felt like a leech. For months, he felt like a leech, and he always feared Katara thought he was like a parasite. Now, he felt she’d all but confirmed that suspicion. He didn’t know what to do, he thought things were better now. He thought Katara was happy, too. Now he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what more he could do to be enough for her again if he wasn’t now. He wanted more than anything to be enough– to be a good enough husband. He wanted to be more than good enough, Katara deserved the best of the best, but right now, he wasn’t even _enough_. 

She had done everything for him, and all he’d done in return was what he thought was go back to normal. But, with everything she did and gave to him for over a year, how could that be good enough? He tried to show her how much he appreciated and loved her, and he tried to make her feel special. But, of course, that couldn’t make up for all  he’d taken from her for a year. He was a leech. 

Zuko said nothing. He didn’t want to add to her pain, he just wanted to help ease it. He feigned a smile, and nodded at her, kissing her forehead, “You should get some rest, Kat,” he murmured, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, and wiping away a stray tear from her face. “I’ll be to bed with you in a minute, okay?” he whispered, rubbing her arm, his eyes tired and watering, but he smiled. 

Zuko walked to Izumi’s room then, tucking her in goodnight, and kissing her head. He smiled, thinking about all the presents his daughter would get to open in the morning. Zuko thought of her giggling and smiling today, and it made him genuinely happy. Izumi always did, no matter the situation. Finally, Zuko flicked off the lights for his little girl, and went into his own bedroom where the mood was grim. Zuko sighed deeply, but quietly, Katara was already in bed, lying on her side. Whenever she wasn’t at the hospital working late, and they went to bed together, they’d kiss goodnight, but he could tell she was very upset with him by the way she was already on her side. 

Zuko put on his pajamas, and wearily tumbled into bed with a heavy heart. He looked over at Katara– and her eyes were tight shut, so he didn’t try to kiss her goodnight, he just ran his hand down her arm with a whisper of sweet dreams and a murmur of “I love you”. Zuko lied on the opposite side for hours, trying to sleep, but his mind was racing, and his heart was aching. 

He glanced at the clock, it read 3:58 am. Zuko groaned, he had to be up for work in a couple hours and he hadn’t slept a wink. He looked back over at his wife, and sighed. The last time her beautiful eyes were open, they were rimmed with tears and sloppy makeup residue. She looked so peaceful now, and he wished she could always remain so. Zuko kissed her cheek, and then headed outside. 

It was quiet on the balcony. The stars were bright, and it was peaceful, even if his heart felt anything but. Words played in his head from Mai.

> _"You’re an awful boyfriend, Zuko.“_
> 
> _"You’ll never be good enough.“_
> 
> _"You’re gonna leave me? You’ll always be alone then. No one else could ever put up with this shit.“_
> 
> _"You could never be a good enough husband for anyone else. You better plan on marrying me.”_
> 
> _“You ruin everything, Zuko. Everything.”  
> _
> 
> _“You have no idea how to properly treat a woman.”  
> _
> 
> _“No one will ever stay. You’re lucky I come back. Don’t come to me with your shit about ‘me leaving you all the time’. I should leave for good, is what I should do.”_

Maybe she had a point about some things. Zuko leaned his heads into his hands, Mai coming to mind a lot lately, the anniversary happening of when this all ended. Just a few quiet tears left Zuko’s eyes as he sat out there in the quiet. He did not want to wake Katara– at all. She’d done too much for him, and the very last thing he wanted was to make her feel bad for telling him how he’d made her feel. He needed to know- so he could try to fix it. He _needed_ to be enough. He couldn’t _lose Katara_. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159395797967)

Katara woke with the shift in the bed. She knew he was up and outside without even opening her eyes. The balcony was always where he went when something troubled him. He used to say the moon calmed him. Now, with their recent strife, Katara doubted that was the case. The moon only ever calmed him because it reminded him of her… and _she_ was breaking his heart. 

Her eyes flicked open with a heavy sigh, spying his shape in the dark.

“Love?” 

Katara wanted him to come back to bed, to sleep so they could talk or fight in the morning, but she couldn’t blame him when he stayed put. Instead, she slipped from under the covers and padded out beside him. 

“Hey,” she said softly, wrapping her arms tight around his waist while her nose nuzzled his spine. He seemed melancholy… or worried… Katara knew just what to say. “Zuko, I’m not leaving you. And, I don’t resent you for wanting another baby. I wish my dad hadn’t brought it up…” 

She chuckled in the night air, letting him go to stand side by side. Their eyes met in the dark, his sad and anxious. 

“Look… I know we wanted kids, but that was before we had Izumi,” Katara tried to explain. “Now, we have a kid, and I feel like more would just be stressful, particularly for you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159398146151)

Zuko smiled softly, letting out a sigh of relief and heartache as he felt his wife’s arms enclose around his waist. Zuko held her hands close to him, and swallowed thickly. He gave her a tender smile in the moon’s glow as she stood beside him, leaning into her playfully, “Hey,” he whispered.

His eyes fluttered shut, the weary smile still painted across his visage as she spoke to him. “I wasn’t scared you’d leave me… and… it… it really wasn’t about the baby,” Zuko told her honestly. He took her hand then, giving it a squeeze. 

“I’m really worried about _you_ , Kat,” Zuko explained, opening his eyes to meet hers earnestly and lovingly. “You wanted a baby with me right up until I opened my big mouth. Then, I ruined it for you- things were way worse then, and Izumi was way smaller, and she required a lot more time to care for,” Zuko spoke. “Something changed your mind… and that something is me, and… I feel awful because I had my foot in my mouth, and the way I said that… came out so differently than how I ever felt,” Zuko admitted, his thumb rubbing her hand as he then looked away. His gaze found out into the stars, but his hand still held hers. 

“I’m worried because… I– I’m not giving you what you need. I’m worried about you and your happiness, Katara,” Zuko spoke. “I’m like… this burden, this leech, and I’m not– I’m not being a good enough husband, and I want to be so badly. I don’t… I love you so much. I want to make you happy so badly, Katara. I feel terrible… you’ve given up so, so much for me, and I don’t know how to repay you. I don’t know what to do, and you’re still hurting because of what I did, and… I just… I hate it. I hate it when you’re hurting, Kat– and I feel helpless, and I hate watching you hurt, and I really hate knowing that I _did it_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159419216162)

“You’re not a burden, Zuko. You’ve never been a burden to me,” Katara protested, her brows pressing together as if she could drive home her point with just a look. “We’ve been happy and we _are _happy— the only thing that’s making me unhappy is my dad and his nosy questions.” 

When she rolled her eyes, pouting in a way that Zuko always found amusing, she caught a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. Katara reached over to brush his chin, then tugged his mouth down to her level. 

“We have a good life, a happy family,” Katara said, breaking their kiss, “regardless of what changed my mind about growing it—” 

A buzz sounded from the room, followed by a short chime. She groaned, leaving him and the conversation to check her pager. 

`     **Tucker: 509** `

“Ugh, I have to go,” Katara muttered, registering Zuko’s appearance behind her. “One of my kids— his temperature is spiking, _fast_ … his bowel repair might’ve torn… he could be septic… or maybe it’s something else…” She was thinking on her feet, already in the closet and tugging on scrubs. When she reappeared in the bedroom, she threw Zuko an apologetic shrug. “I’m sorry… I _have_ to go.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159425479776/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko sighed, a somber smile forming on his lips as she spoke. He took her hand, and pressed it to his cheek, holding her hand affectionately as he did. “I just… I want to be a _good_ husband, Kat. I love you _so much_ , and I just… I never want you to doubt that for a second,” he whispered, a crack still heard deep in his throat. 

She was right, and he perhaps worried too much. They were happy. He just harbored a deep guilt, and when she spoke about getting what she needed, the guilt hit even deeper. He reckoned he would never stop feeling guilty for all he put her through the year following his assault. He tried working on this with the therapist, but she always said he needed to communicate about it with Katara. That was hard because he was scared that if he said he felt guilty– she would feel guilty, and this never-ending cycle would brew. 

A familiar buzz took him out of his worrisome thoughts, and he smiled at his wife knowingly in support. He was rubbing his eye when she came back into the room, and he got up– walking over to her as she spoke. He embraced her tightly, kissing her cheek. “Don’t apologize, Kat,” he told her, rubbing her back supportively. 

“You can do it, you’ll save him. I know you will,” he assured her, “I hope you know how proud I am of you, Kat- in _everything_.”


	24. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 4

She was in surgery for _eight_ hours. 

Tucker’s bowel repair from the previous day had torn, a complication she knew could happen, but was praying wouldn’t. He’d already been through way too much, fighting Crohn’s disease at eight years old. Luckily, his second surgery was a success. Katara managed to fix the tear and clean up the damage done to the little boy’s body.

With him stable once again, Katara stepped right into her rounds at the hospital. She visited each of her patients, left instructions for the interns and nurses, and met with a number of worried parents, calming and reassuring them. By the time she was done, it’d been a full day. 

“Still here?” Her colleague, Dr. Ren, brushed by, his arms full of patient files. “It’s almost seven, Hiroku. Go home.”

Katara snapped to attention, no longer numbly filling out her surgery schedule on the computer. _“What?!_ What time is it?”  

“Six—-” Dr. Ren flicked his wrist so his watch face was easier to read. “6:57, exactly. Why?” 

She didn’t answer. Katara logged out in a rush, leaving her seat and him behind. She race-walked through the hospital towards the locker room, panicking and shaking— _They had to be in her purse. She had to have them._

Katara ripped open her locker, then her purse, digging through the contents for the familiar blue pack of pills. _Nothing._

“Okay… okay…” She tried to calm herself down. She was only an hour late taking it. She hadn’t had sex today. She’d taken her pill yesterday—  **“Shit!”**

She _hadn’t._ The fight… she’d just gone to bed, not even thinking, not even remembering that she’d fucked her husband that morning and _needed_ one of those blessed little pills. Katara clapped a hand over her mouth, “ _Oh my god,_ how could I be so stupid?” 

Katara didn’t even bother getting out of her scrubs at that point. She threw her white coat in the locker, grabbed her keys, and left the room. The hospital’s pharmacy was still open. Hopefully, they’d restocked…

/////////////////

“…take one right away, then take the second pill twelve hours later,” the technician droned, handing her the pack. “Do you have any other questions?”

Katara shook her head, “No. Thank you.” 

/////////////////

She fumbled with her water bottle cap in the car, then dropped a white pill on the back of her tongue and washed it down. The other was still in its rectangular box, which Katara shoved to the bottom of her purse. 

The drive home was a tense one. She felt her fingers shaking on the steering wheel, her head screaming for the cramps to start. When she pulled into the driveway, she felt _sick_ … but she didn’t feel any pain. 

Katara gathered her things, _nervous,_ and went inside. She had to do her best to seem normal. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159429127261)

  Zuko dropped little Izumi off at the daycare, and it always took him longer than it should to drop her off because he always spent too long saying goodbye. He was only gone until two pm when the school let out, but it felt like a lifetime, being away from her so long. Zuko’s head was foggy and was throbbing from lack of sleep and worrying until his stomach was sick. He could hardly focus on the lesson, and the kids could tell, and took full advantage of it– going absolutely ballistic. Now, he was extra exhausted, but he felt selfish because he was sure his wife was twelve times as exhausted. 

He hoped everything went well, and she would be home quickly. Zuko swung by the nursery, and fulfilled the best part of his day: picking up his daughter. Zuko buckled her in tight, glad that coffee and energy drinks existed so he was alert enough to drive her home. Zuko kissed her little head, and headed home. 

He took her in, and gave her a little snack before putting her in her playpen and streaming _Frozen_ on the TV for her. She had Barbie dolls of Anna and Elsa in her chubby hands, excitedly trying to sing along to each song as she leaned against the playpen. 

Zuko kept drinking coffee to keep himself awake to watch Izumi, and waiting on his wife, but his eyes kept fluttering, begging to close. Finally, it was around eight, and Katara came in. He tried to never bombard her with texts, as he was sure she was anxious enough at the hospital. Zuko smiled, picking up Izumi and going to the door- kissing Katara’s forehead as he hugged her with his free arm, and Izumi squealed in delight, hopping into her mama’s arms, hugging her neck tight. 

Zuko smiled at the sweet scene, but noticed Katara’s smile didn’t reach her eyes, and his hand slid down her arm in concern. “Hey… did everything go okay at work today?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159429664002)

“Hi, baby girl,” Katara rubbed noses with Izumi, squeezing her tight and smiling with reinvigorated energy. She kissed both of her chubby cheeks, then looked at Zuko. “My day was great— it was just long.” 

Katara skirted around him, carrying Izumi into the kitchen where she set her purse down on the counter. Zuko had left a quick dinner out for her, a sandwich and fruit salad. She ate with one hand, bouncing Izumi around the island until the girl squealed happily. 

“I could pass out, though. Tucker’s surgery took a lot longer than I thought it would,” Katara explained, “and, being an idiot, I went straight into my rounds without so much as a nap.” 

She swallowed another bite of fruit, and smiled at her tired husband. “I promise. I’m just tired.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159429956196/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko smiled, watching the two people that mattered most to him reunite for the day. Izumi never looked happier than with her mama, and Zuko felt warm just watching them. Zuko sat at the island in the kitchen, and leaned on his hand, watching the happy exchange. “I’m glad you’re okay– and I’m so glad Tucker is okay,” Zuko replied. 

“I knew you could help him, Kat,” Zuko told her with a playful smirk, though he next fell into a yawn. “I’m tired too, so tired, and I hardly did anything compared to you,” he said with a chuckle, “Including hardly slept,” he added teasingly as he rubbed his eyes. 

“I think we should _all_ get to bed.”


	25. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 5

Four weeks later found Zuko much better rested, though, Katara’s condition was an entirely different story. She’d been exhausted… and for no real reason, either. Her load at the hospital hadn’t changed. 

She still had her twelve hour shifts four days a week, then a fifth day of being on call. Somehow she’d managed to get Friday’s and Saturday’s off entirely, the perks of being chief, she guessed. The extra hours to sleep in on the weekend didn’t make a difference, however. 

On this bright Saturday morning, she found herself curled up in bed well passed 10 AM. Her fingers rubbed circles on her stomach, trying to assuage the pangs of nausea and her head _throbbed._  

“Zuko?” She wanted to roll from her side to her back, thinking he’d hear her better if she could just face the open doorway. The slightest movement made her dry heave. “Ugh— Love, do we have any Sprite?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159499630026)

Zuko was already up and cooking waffles too freeze and store in the freezer for quick breakfasts on the go. Izumi was in her high chair, eating some of the waffles while she watched Peppa Pig happily. Zuko took a sip of his tea, and kissed Izumi’s forehead, feeling in a particularly good mood this morning as he let his wife sleep in to her heart’s content. 

He then heard a faint call, and he switched off the stove, setting the pan on the cool face as he pecked Izumi’s cheek, and went to their bedroom. “Kat?” he spoke, wondering what was wrong. 

He came over to the bed when he saw she was awake, sitting a the edge, and his hand on her back. “Sprite?” Zuko whispered, stroking her hair. “Do you feel okay? I’ll get some,” he whispered, going to the kitchen and fixing her a glass of ginger ale and handing it to her. “Love, are you okay?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159500503082)

“Yes. _Yeah_ , I’m fine.” Katara took the glass from him, noticing that her fingers shook. She brought her other hand up, steadying the drink by holding the bottom, before taking a long sip. “I— The flu is going around, and I was late getting my shot.” 

She offered the cup back to her husband, slowly relaxing onto the pillows. “I think you should keep Izumi out… and maybe stay away yourself. I don't want either of you getting sick.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159500775856)

Zuko frowned, lovingly tucking her hair behind her ear. “Aw, Kat,” whispered Zuko, stroking her cheek. “I got vaccinated, and so did Izumi,” he murmured. “It’ll be fine,” he told her. “Someone’s got to take care of you,” he assured her. 

Zuko kissed her forehead and grabbed a thermometer from the cabinet, a glass of water, and he got her a fresh pillow, helping her sit up as he sat saltine crackers on her nightstand. “Do you want tea or anything? Here,” Zuko offered, putting the thermometer in her mouth and a cool towel on her forehead. 

“Let me know if you need anything, Kat,” he whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaving the door opened and Izumi in view. He sat an ibuprofen beside her too to bring down her fever if she had one.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159501346837)

_**97.9 ºF** _

_Cool._ Katara frowned at the thermometer, putting it back under her tongue in case it had read wrong the first time. It beeped a few seconds later, and she checked the display again. 

“What the heck?” she voiced, handing the device over to Zuko. “Well, it can’t be the flu…” 

The temperature hadn’t changed, but neither had her physical state. She felt weak and tired, nauseated beyond belief. The sight of crackers on her nightstand nearly made her hurl. Katara groaned, sipping at her ginger ale with practiced patience, a deep breath willing her stomach to calm down. 

“I must’ve eaten something bad, or it’s just a twenty-four hour bug.” Katara set the drink aside and rolled onto her side. Her eyes vaguely focused on the floor. She had a hand dangling off the bed and the other curled under her, rubbing her belly. “God, _Zu—”_

She meant to complain, but her body had other violent desires. Her hand came up to her mouth, she flailed from the bed for the bathroom, but she only barely made it to the little trashcan by her nightstand.

_“Shit,”_ Katara panted over the can, dizzy now, in addition to still feeling sick.  

Zuko was quick to help her. He brought a wet rag and her ginger ale to wash out her mouth. She accepted them, but shook her head in his direction. “You really should stay out, love. We don’t know what I have and the last thing we need is a puking two year old.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159508789386)

Zuko was very worried about his wife. If it wasn’t the flu, what was wrong with her? Zuko hoped it was a simple twenty-four hour bug, but she was right then, he didn’t want Izumi getting it. He didn’t mind getting it in order to take care of her, but that increased Izumi’s risk for it, and he didn’t want that. Zuko sighed, rubbing her back after she threw up. 

“You’re right,” he conceded with a sigh. “But, you’re getting some rest. You aren’t going to work tomorrow, and you’re going to let me bring you things. I’m going to leave plenty of water, and you have to drink it, even if you feel like shit,” he lectured, even though she was literally the head pediatric doctor at one of the biggest hospital names in the nation. He couldn’t help it- when he worried, he always got fussy. 

“Text me if you need anything,” he whispered, helping her back into bed, “I’m going to schedule an appointment if you aren’t over this by tomorrow, Kat,” Zuko spoke. 

After that, Zuko took a shower in the other bathroom, and got the Clorox out, scrubbing the place clean to do his best to prevent the illness from spreading, and it needed cleaning anyway. But, when Zuko went in to peak on Katara, checking on her in his rubber gloves and work clothes she was up and about, and Zuko raised his only remaining eyebrow. 

“Katara! Get in bed!” Zuko shouted as she was sitting up at her desk, surfing the web and fully dressed. But, Zuko bit his lip, “Kat… I… um… are you still on… are you still taking birth control?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159513773302)

“I’m fi—” She halted mid sentence, her fingers fluttering to her stomach with that planted seed of doubt. Then, with her next breath, Katara laughed. “No. No, _no!_ That’s impossible.” 

She added up all the days in her head, going back all the way to her last round of placebo pills. She hadn’t gotten her period, but she never did these days— not between the stress of the hospital, running everyday, and the faux hormones. Her gyno said that was _normal._  

“I’ve been on time with every pill,” Katara practically whispered the words. It was one thing if she actually did bleed. She’d have that monthly reassurance, but now, Katara felt like she needed to run out to a pharmacy.

Her memory jogged. _The pharmacy_.

“Oh my god.” She suddenly wasn’t _fine._ Her stomach quivered again and she had to sink to a seat on the bed. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Zuko!” 

Worried eyes found her husband’s, her hands wringing in her lap. Not only was there the _slightest_ chance, she had to admit more than she wanted. He wasn’t ever supposed to know. 

“Zuko… I missed a pill, the night of Izumi’s birthday.” Katara sucked in a breath, unable to hold his gaze any longer. “It was probably a full 48 hours before I remembered. I got a Plan B pack at the hospital and didn’t think anything—” 

Her lip caught between her teeth, her head falling into her palms. “ _I’m sorry,_ Zuko.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159514141081/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko watched her with hesitance and when she shouted, he jumped, dropping the sponge in his hand. “What? What is it?!” he asked in worry, his hands open for her if she wanted it. But, she was panicking on the bed and he walked closer, his face painted in worry. 

He inhaled sharply at her confession, shaking his head. It was unbelievable how one missed pill could mess up the whole thing. Zuko felt guilty now. “Why are you sorry?” he whispered. “I wish you told me, but I just like to know what’s going on. I’m not angry,” he said quietly, sitting on the bed beside her, wrapping his arm around her and holding her close. 

Was she pregnant? What would they do then? She’d be so upset. She said she never ever wanted a baby with him. It hurt a little, but he’d accepted that, and respected it, and would continue to, even if it hurt him. 

“Well, you still could’ve just ate something, and it ran it’s course… or… or anything,” he spoke. “Let’s… let’s not freak out until we know,” he told her. “I’m going to run to CVS and grab you a couple tests, and then we– we’ll see what’s going on, okay?” Zuko assured her, taking her forehead and kissing it. “It’s going to be okay, Kat… either way. We’ll work this out. Don’t worry,” he whispered. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered, giving her hand a squeeze, “I love you,” he told her, grabbing the keys as he ran off to the pharmacy, coming back quickly with two pregnancy tests, pursing his lips as he handed her the plastic bag.


	26. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 6

She paced the entire time he was gone, back and forth, surely wearing a footpath into the carpet. Her mind was swirling. 

When he came back, however, nothing spilled from her thoughts. She stayed silent, an anxious mess incapable of voicing how she felt. Katara took the bag. 

How _did_ she feel? 

Katara tried to sort it out in the bathroom. There were nerves, evident by the way her fingers shook and she barely had the ability to follow simple test directions. There was fear, made clear by how her stomach roiled and her body flared with heat when the little electronic hourglass started spinning.

She had two minutes. Two more minutes to name everything she felt, to straighten it all and face her husband. If it was negative, would she feel relief? Happiness? Grief? If it was positive…

The time was up. The tiny screen stopped flashing. Katara didn’t want to look down. Morbid curiosity forced her to. 

**+**

She swore her heart stopped. Dread settled in her blood, followed by terror, tears, and _anger._ Something else welled up too, something bubbly that she didn’t quite expect. 

Katara ignored it. She didn’t want to deal with it. She didn’t want _**this**_ , yet here she was.  _Would her nightmare ever_ fucking _end?_

She ripped open the bathroom door, the test in her hands, then shoved it against Zuko’s chest. “Congrats. You’re a dad.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159515064111)

Zuko nervously paced back and forth as Katara took her test. He was biting his nails, and wringing his hands through his hair. He didn’t know what he was going to do. What they were going to do. What she was going to do. –If she was pregnant. Zuko felt so anxious, and he only could imagine how his wife felt. His heart was racing in his chest, and he just wanted an answer. 

Katara came out- finally- looking perplexedly disgusted and shocked. Zuko’s heart raced, and he looked at her expectantly, only to be met with a pregnancy test shoved in his chest. She snarled at him a sarcastic congratulations and his heart dropped into his stomach as she walked out of their bedroom. 

Zuko already knew what the test said, but he looked down at the test, seeing the plus sign, and he felt panic overtake him, and he was hurt. He didn’t mean for this to happen. He didn’t plan this. He didn’t try to make her pregnant on purpose. He would never do that to her. 

Zuko set the test down, and walked to the bed, sitting there in a daze. Why was she so angry at him? Zuko couldn’t stop feeling guilt about the last year of his life, the year following his rape. He felt guilty for all Katara did for him, and her words echoed.  _“When will I get what I need?”_

That was probably how she felt now. Zuko felt awful- and guilty. And, besides– he was already a father. Why would she say that? Why would she do that? That was the part that hurt worse. The way she snarled that he was a father like it was new, like his fatherhood to Izumi meant nothing, and her motherhood to her meant nothing. 

Zuko wanted to go to her, to comfort her and talk about what they were going to do, but she hated him right now and he was upset. He didn’t want a fight, not at all. So Zuko just went out to their veranda to think, or sulk, where he always did.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159515563147)

She disappeared to the guest room. She really didn’t want to be followed or forced to talk right now. She knew Zuko would go to the veranda or Izumi’s room, so Katara picked _her_ spot. 

The bed was dressed in white and blue, her favorite colors. They reminded her of home in the snowy tundra of Alaska. She had a few pictures of her and Zuko, her extended family; mostly, the pictures were of her and Sokka as kids. It always made her smile to see them. 

But, smiling didn’t come easy right then. Even when she picked up a frame featuring herself and her brother making mud pies at age nine and seven. The only easy thing were tears. 

Katara set the frame down and lay back on the plush, double bed. She figured she’d have to change it soon: the sheets, the bedding, and the walls. Her baby would need blue or pink, maybe a pastel yellow. She swallowed a lump in her throat, looking around the room. 

Her baby’s room. 

Something about that made her sick, made her nervous. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to be a mother again, be pregnant, be reminded everyday that Zuko would constantly worry over his first. 

_‘ I don’t want you to treat Izumi differently. ‘_

His words rang in her ears, a sick reminder of why this moment wasn’t a joyous one. Katara sniffed, then left the bed, heading for the powder bath to hurl. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159515985866)

Zuko somberly moved from the veranda to pick up Izumi, and carry her to her room, bringing her to the rocking chair where he just sat. He held their daughter close, cradling her head to his shoulder, and he was now afraid. If Katara kept the baby… what if he did treat her differently? What if he did treat Izumi differently when he saw the baby with the eyes of the woman he loved and the baby had Katara’s dark complexion? Zuko held Izumi tighter, the thought making tears pool in his eyes. 

He loved Izumi more than anything in the world. He’d kill for her, he’d die for her, he’d go through hell and back for her- with no exaggeration. So why was he so scared? Why was he always so scared about being a father? He no longer feared Hakoda’s treatment or Katara’s or Uncle’s or Sokka’s. Just his own. A tear fell down Zuko’s face in frustration, remembering the argument so vividly. 

He was absolutely mortified that night. He was so anxious he felt sick to his stomach. He was shaking when he got out of the tub, and Katara snapped. He didn’t sleep that night, shaken from the fight and his words with his foot in his mouth that had wrecked her. That added to his guilt. One wrong thing, and then Katara never wanted to have a baby with him, her husband. They always had talked of having a baby together, and he said one stupid thing he didn’t even mean, and he’d wrecked their entire future. He’d wrecked her that entire year and she had nothing to show for it, he was the one who benefited from this, and he’d given her nothing. 

Zuko wanted to be happy. They were having a baby. When he daydreamed about having a baby with Katara a couple years ago, it was anything but like this. It was joyous and splendid, and they were kissing and laughing, and spinning her ‘round and ‘round, and going out for dinner, and going shopping and sending shower invites. It was not this. It was absolutely not this heartache and dread. 

So Zuko pulled Izumi closer as a tear slid off his face, and he and his daughter fell asleep once more in that rickety, old chair.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159533535232)

Saturday night came and went, ending with the sun peeking through the guest room’s blinds on Sunday morning. Katara blinked slowly, then sat up. 

She’d fallen asleep on top of the blankets, still in her jeans and t-shirt. She must’ve kicked off her shoes at some point in the night. They were scattered on the floor next to the bed. A digital clock on the nightstand read 7 AM, making her sigh. 

Her shift at the hospital started in an hour. She knew Zuko wouldn’t happy to find out she went in, but she wasn’t sick— she was just pregnant. 

_Pregnant…_

Katara tried as best she could to wrap her mind around that. At the moment, it felt far off, _impossible_ , if she didn’t consider the unsettled dread in the pit of her stomach. Besides that, there wasn’t any sign… no bump, no flutters, nothing. 

She eyed herself in the mirror while she changed, back in her own room. She wondered when the signs _would_ appear. She wondered if Zuko would be happy to watch her body grow… or if he’d just worry about Izumi. 

_‘ I don’t want you to treat Izumi differently. ‘_

Why couldn’t she shake those words? Katara didn’t even want to see him at this point. It wasn’t like he came looking for her in the night either, so she figured the sentiment was the same. Was he blaming her for this? It was her fault in way, she supposed.

Katara grabbed her purse and coat, and went to the kitchen for a quick breakfast of yogurt and granola. She finished up, jotted down a short note:

> _Went into work. Didn’t want to bother you. I’ll be home around 7, like usual._

And left the house. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159534014631/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko sighed deeply as he woke up at around eight am, Izumi still in his arms, fast asleep. He still wanted Katara to call out, but she wouldn’t. He knew she was gone before he even went to the kitchen and saw the note. He’d put Izumi back in her crib, and he felt completely awful and guilty. He was mad at himself for falling asleep before he could say anything to her, but he was certain she hated his guts the way she shoved the test in his chest and stormed off. 

Zuko picked up his phone, swallowing thickly as he texted her. 

[text]: be careful at work. have a good day   
[text]: I love you   
[text]: so much 

Zuko decided to prepare Katara’s favorite dinner. He knew she was upset, and he wanted to do something to make her feel better. He still didn’t know what was going to happen. He didn’t know where she wanted to go from here. Zuko felt heavy. But, he put together the pasta, with bits of broccoli, parmesan, and chicken. Her favorite dish. 

He had it all laid out, and was feeding Izumi by the time she walked in the door and he flashed her a small, pensive smile. “Hey,” whispered Zuko.


	27. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 7

“Hi…” Katara said it in a whisper, practically tiptoeing into the kitchen. The atmosphere felt fragile, like any sudden movements or too loud words would shatter it. Right now, she was tired. Fighting was the last thing she wanted. 

With a deep breath, she set her bag on the counter, and looked over the spread of food he’d made. “You cooked?” She poked the noodles with a wooden spoon. “And you made my favorite… _thank you_.”

Katara meant it, but as she sat down, she briefly wondering if this was an attempt to make up… or make her feel guilty for last night. She bit her cheek, because, now she was grappling with apprehension that he wanted to talk about their situation, that he’d ask her to think long and hard about staying pregnant, about how a biological baby of their own might affect Izumi.  

She realized she’d leave him over this… if he said one more time that he was worried about her ability to parent both an adopted daughter and a birthed child. 

“I’m keeping it,” she announced suddenly, meeting his eyes with harsh, flashing blue. “The baby— this isn’t what I wanted, _at all_. I made that clear, but now we’re here, and… Zuko, I’m keeping the baby.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159540569886)

Zuko smiled as she thanked him. He was glad she liked the dinner, she always loved chicken parm. Zuko was by the kettle, putting on some water for tea, and he felt the tension between them. He didn’t know if she was going to talk about the baby. He wasn’t going to push her unless she spoke first.

When she did, he exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding and he finally let himself smile. “Really? I- I was hoping you would keep it! I mean… I know you didn’t exactly want a baby… I’m sorry…” he muttered, holding in his excitement as he bit his tongue. He didn’t want to let show how excited and happy he now was. She still seemed furious at him. He hoped that he hadn’t made her feel like she had to choose one way or another, but he was glad because he wanted that baby. Their baby- their second baby, this time, theirs biologically.

He was thrilled, and it was hard to mask it, so he said nothing as he almost giddily made himself a cup of tea.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159541149297)

She took a few silent bites, waiting for her husband to return to the table with a steaming cup of tea. His eyes were alight, excitement evident in the faint curl of a smile and how his spirits lifted. 

Katara, however, wasn’t so ready to celebrate. Her gaze turned down to her plate as she spoke up, “I need you to know how badly you hurt me, Zuko.” 

She felt the air shift, a tangible thickness settling in, stealing their breath. 

“I’ve spent the last year not wanting a baby with my _husband_ , because you threw out some ill-chosen words about my ability to be a parent. You made me feel like I was doing something _wrong_ for wanting a baby.” Katara sensed he had some rebuttal, but she raised her hand, cutting him off. “I love Izumi. But, I will love this new baby, too.”

Katara put her fork down and crossed her arms, letting myriad of seconds pass by before loosing a long sigh. “Anytime I express love for our second child, anytime I do something I didn’t do with Izumi, anytime I so much as smile at this baby… I feel like you’ll be watching me, like you’ll be keeping _a scorecard_ to make sure I love both children evenly.”

“I will not be made to walk around on eggshells, Zuko. I _won’t.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159543287761)

Zuko sat tensely at the table, his finger tracing the rim of his mug she’d given him years ago on her trip to lobby for hospital funding for critically ill children in Washington, D.C. It had cherry blossoms on it and pictures of the monuments. His mother always loved cherry blossom trees, and that was why she got it for him. He knew what was about to come up, and he felt the steam hitting his hand as he anxiously traced the rim, thinking of that stupid argument a year ago, and what she said about his mom, and what he said so stupidly that he didn’t even mean, not one bit. 

Zuko closed his eyes, and he wanted to clarify so badly, but he listened. Each word ached, and guilt overtook his heart. He was well aware of how badly he hurt her. It was amazing how terribly words could hurt, even when they came out so stupidly and so accidentally and with no meaning behind them at the height of tension and pressure. He wished more than anything he could have taken those words back. She’d been so excited to have a baby- and at the time, he knew, at some point soon, he’d be ready. But, at that moment, he wasn’t ready. He pushed himself to be ready because he felt like he owed her that. He felt like after all she dealt with for him, if he couldn’t suck it up and give her a baby, then he was the most rotten and selfish husband on earth. 

That was how he felt right now, so that backfired. Zuko sighed deeply, leaning his forehead into his hand which was propped by the elbow on their table. His eyes fell shut in deep worry and guilt he couldn’t shake since he won the trial. “I’m sorry, Katara,” he whispered, then sitting up so he could look her in the eyes. It was hard because then he saw every inch of pain– every centimeter of pain he was responsible for. 

“I’m not trying to make excuses for what I said, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean it. I was really scared, Kat. I wasn’t ready when you asked me that night… I didn’t know how to say no because I didn’t want to let you down,” he admitted. “That was my fault too, and I’m sorry… I felt like I owed you the world, and now I feel like for what I owe you, the world wouldn’t be a good enough compensation,” he admitted, licking his lips. 

“I saw… I saw people in that courtroom, and I thought they were looking at me different that night. I thought they thought something was wrong with me for what happened, and those who didn’t… I saw pity. I saw Mai, and the way she was looked at, and I saw hatred and disgust. While that relieved me… it scared me for Izumi. Because… no matter how much I hate it, she is half of Mai, biologically, and nothing can change that. Nothing can change that I’m half of my father biologically… and both those things hurt me, still, even though I’ve accepted them. People always judge me for who my father is– I was scared it would happen to Izumi… I was scared, seeing how my father raised me, I would do that to Izumi. I was scared your father would do that to Izumi. I was scared my uncle would do that to Izumi… and… that night, I was scared that you would do that to Izumi,” he explained, hoping she could understand somehow. 

“I was really scared that night,” he restated. “I wasn’t okay… I was caught off guard, and… I wanted to make you happy, and I did the opposite because I was lying to myself, and I’m sorry. But, none of it is true about how I feel about you, or your dad, or my uncle, or even myself. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not scared of Mai, and I’m not scared for Izumi,” Zuko explained. “You are the greatest mother in the world, and I mean that with all due respect to my own,” Zuko spoke, a tear now escaping his cheek as he wiped it away. “Izumi is lucky to have you for a mom. She is so, so, so lucky. I know nothing could replace her to you- no one. I know you love her the same as if you’d given birth to her yourself. I know you do, Katara. I am so, so, so sorry I hurt you so badly. I am so, so sorry I ever, even in a moment of weakness, for a split second made you question that or sound like I did because I don’t. I love you… I love you so much and I’m _**so sorry**_ ,” Zuko choked out, leaning his eyes into his palm then, his voce hoarse then, “I’m so, so, so sorry. I’m sorry– I’m really sorry. It meant nothing. I didn’t mean it. I’m so proud of you… you’ve done so much at the hospital, and you’re an incredible mom, and I can’t even begin to tell you how great of a wife you are, and… I’m sorry because… I’m… I’m the one who should be doubted, _I-_ -”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159569104137)

“I just wanted to be happy,” Katara said. She realized she’d cut him short, but it wasn’t out of anger. Not anymore, anyway. The simmering fury was ebbing away, replaced by sympathy and what she always imagined this moment would be. “We’re having a baby, Zuko…” 

She took in a long, shaky breath, eyeing him across the table as her lips pressed together in a thin line. She didn’t quite feel ready to smile, or celebrate, for that matter, but the thought of a life they’d made _together,_ growing inside her and coming into the world… it did make her heart flutter. 

“I know you were scared,” she murmured softly, “I’m scared _now_. This isn’t something we expected or planned… We still have healing do to, but Zuko, we have _nine_ months to do it.” 

Katara quieted, laughing to herself as her fingers tapped the table, “Well, maybe eight at this point. I’ll have to see my doctor before any time frame is confirmed.” 

“We can do this.” She got up from her chair, padding around to his side of the table to hug him from behind. She wanted to comfort him as much as she wanted to reassure herself. “We’ll get through this and we’ll be fine. I promise.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159569825111/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko leaned into her touch, his hand holding her arms that wrapped around his chest as he sat in the chair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered shakily, closing his eyes as a stray tear fell. “We can do it… we can,” he agreed, taking a deep breath. He was confident in that, they’d get through this. They could raise this baby of theirs– it would work out. Zuko just still felt so guilty about everything and he didn’t know if he’d ever shake the feeling. 

He turned around then, embracing her, holding her close. “I don’t know if you want me to be, but… I’m excited, Kat,” he whispered, using his palm to wipe the tear as he laughed, rubbing her back. “I’m really excited that we’re having a baby– I’m… I’m _happy_. I hope that you can be happy too. All I want is for you to be happy, Kat, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”


	28. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 8

She struggled for a number of weeks… Katara would admit that. She went from moments of pure exhilaration to a sickening dread that sent her darting towards the bathroom. She’d have sweet dreams or wake up sweating, dragging Zuko from sleep beside her as tears slipped free.

_‘It’s new,’_ her dad would say,  _‘you’re nervous, but you’re going to do great.’_

Katara would tell him she wasn’t ready, that she couldn’t do this, even though she’d done it all before. She’d cry because she didn’t have her mom or mother-in-law helping her along with wives’ tales and tidbits they learned during their own pregnancies. Mostly, she’d worry that her husband’s fears would come true… that she wouldn’t be good enough for him or Izumi or their new little one. Zuko insisted they start counseling again, twice a week, and by the time her first trimester ended, they both felt more prepared. 

Her fourth and fifth month slid by easily, normalcy settling in finally. Her pregnancy was healthy, her doctor told her that much without giving away any details about gender. Katara had a check-up yesterday, and after, took an envelope to the local bakery. Zuko wanted a reveal party— she’d never seen him so excited, honestly— he was setting out pink and blue topped cupcakes when she walked through the door, her hands clutching a white cake box. 

“Hey,” she called, setting the cake on the countertop. Katara snuck up to his side and pecked his cheek with a laugh, “Can I help with anything?”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159684032876)

There were many days Zuko worried endlessly about the careless words that he’d said. He worried about how they hurt his wife, and he worried about how he might mess up himself- as a husband, as a father. Guilt ebbed at him day in and day out. But, through the therapy they’d worked through once more, things were growing once more to a peaceful calm. Some days he worried if this would become their life now, always in an office with a stranger to fix things they couldn’t seem to handle on their own, and guilt ate at him again. Because it was all because of him, not her, they were there.  

But today, Zuko was happy. He was thrilled and beyond excited that the reveal party was upon them. Their family and friends were all going to be in attendance, and Zuko had a hidden affinity for things that revolved around art. It was something his rotten father had tried to beat out of him, but he was gradually regaining and allowing himself to tune into once more. He’d found cupcake toppers with little baby bottles and pacifiers on them and he was placing them on each of the blue and pink cupcakes, and putting them out on the tray. 

He smiled when he saw Katara walk in and she crept in behind him, kissing his cheek. Izumi was getting bigger and bigger each day, and time was _flying_. She was sitting on the couch with a sippy cup, watching cartoons. Zuko was trying not to let the events of the bakery shake him any further. He was proud of himself yet for he knew, months ago, what happened would have rendered him a mess. But instead, it was but a chip on his shoulder, and he was able to hold his own. 

He’d felt so foolish, he’d forgotten that the biggest and most renowned bakery in town was owned and ran by Mai’s aunt and uncle, whom of which was also a prison guard where Mai was incarcerated. Zuko had gone in to pick up cupcakes, and Mai’s aunt was Mai’s father’s sister– her maiden name now null in the bakery’s title. He’d forgotten who she was. He was making small talk with her about the baby reveal party, and out from the back room as he looked over the cupcakes, Mai’s parents and uncle came out. 

Zuko felt horrified. He immediately tried to pay, and leave, but was thwarted. Her parents and uncle practically cornered him, blaming him harshly for what happened. Her father called it a stunt to keep “their granddaughter” and told Zuko he liked it, what Mai did, and called him every name in the book, insisting instead Zuko had assaulted Mai. Her mother looked saddened, and just kept demanding to see her granddaughter. Zuko had ordered the cupcake toppers to be delivered to their house from the bakery’s catalog earlier, and now the family had their address. They insisted on coming to the party, and Zuko didn’t know what to do now. 

He smiled nervously at Katara then, “Kat… what bakery did you pick that cake up from? The food store’s or…?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159684500082)

“What? Kroger—” Katara looked at him, completely bewildered and now frightened by the tremor in his voice. “Why are you… what? What happened, Zuko?” 

She felt _hot_ , uncomfortably so, and scared. His eyes wandered over her and when he sighed heavily, almost in _relief_ , Katara snapped at him. “Zuko, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159684827251)

Zuko almost jumped as she snapped suddenly. “– _What_? What!?” Zuko panicked, dropping the cupcake from his shaking hands. “I’m fine! I’m fine!” he replied quickly, trying to decide if he should tell her or keep it to himself and hope they didn’t show up. What would be the point in worrying her? She’d just be upset, and she was so happy a few minutes ago. Not to mention, she was carrying their baby. He didn’t want anything to happen. 

“I just got the cupcakes from Mai’s aunt’s bakery… I forgot she owned it. We hadn’t dated in years, but her aunt never knew who I was. It was just… weird,” Zuko spoke, picking up the cupcake off the floor, and wiping the icing from the hardwood. “It just kinda freaked me out,” he spoke. “I was just wondering… I’m sorry- it’s fine. Please don’t worry,” Zuko whispered, standing up then and kissing her cheek. 

“Besides, the cupcakes are still good,” he said with a tender smile. “It’s not her aunt’s fault about what happened any more than it’s my fault for what my dad did,” Zuko spoke. “It just– you know, sent my head places. I’m okay, really. It’s not going to spoil today. Don’t _worry_ , love.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159685080042)

“Don’t _worry?_ ” Katara scowled at him, then lowered to the floor to pick up the scattered and crushed cupcakes. “I wasn’t before— Zuko, you literally just threw the dessert on the floor and you’re telling me not to worry.” 

She stood up, her hands smeared with frosting and cake crumbs. Katara grabbed the roll of paper towels, cleaning her fingers, then settled her palms on her belly. A pang of tension was settling there. Katara hissed out a breath, trying to calm the racing of her heart. 

“Even if they knew _you,_ Mai’s aunt and uncle aren’t going to know me, so why does it matter so much where _**I**_ went?” Katara questioned him, not believing how quickly he blew passed the mention of the bakery. “I get that seeing them might be upsetting for you, but _this_ upset? Zuko, please, just tell me what happened.”

* * *

 [](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159685461421)

Zuko sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair as it shook. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I just don’t want to ruin the day. I- I keep ruining things, every time we’re happy!” Zuko cursed. “I don’t want to make you upset, Kat, I really don’t. I don’t know if there’s even a reason to…” he whispered. 

Zuko walked to the kitchen chair, and fell into the seat, leaning his face into his hand. “Mai’s parents were there too… I didn’t even recognize her aunt. Her aunt was the sweetest lady on earth. Her uncle is a prison warden where Mai is being held. They were all there. They recognized me,” Zuko explained. “Her father yelled at me, and blamed me for what happened to Mai, and was just saying all this stupid stuff,” Zuko spoke, pinching the bride of his nose. 

“They want to meet Izumi… they keep- they kept saying that they have a right to because she’s their granddaughter. “The aunt was so nice, and she looked upset when they were yelling at me, but… I- I ordered the cupcake toppers from the bakery, Kat… so… she has my address, and… I just… I don’t want them to come here, and I’m really scared they’re gonna knock up at the door, and I just– I don’t want to deal with that and I didn’t want you to have to worry about it either… I’m _sorry_. I just… I wanted something to be nice for once,” Zuko choked out with a scoff. 

“I’m sorry, Katara.”

 

* * *

[](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ)[theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159685766507)

Katara hissed through her nose,  _“No._ No— this _isn’t_ happening. _”_

She darted down the main hallway before Zuko could call after her, locking the front door and even sliding the chain into place. She pulled her phone from her pocket on her walk back to the kitchen, shaking, but determined. A quick text told her dad to stay home. Katara didn’t offer much of an explanation, just to spread the word to Sokka, Suki, and Iroh. 

Then, she called the police department, explaining the situation quickly. As she sank down at the table across from Zuko, Katara was rattling off the address. 

“Thank you,” she said, hanging up. Katara glanced at her husband, knowing he wanted an answer. “They’re sending a patrol car… someone will be outside the house in half an hour. Oh, I canceled the party, too.”  

Katara watched his face fall, but his phone buzzed in the same instant. She sighed and got up, “That’s probably Iroh. You should talk to him. I’ll handle my dad.” 

Disappearing to the kitchen island, Katara fielded a few texts from Sokka, then sent a long explanation to Hakoda, all the way from Zuko’s run in at the bakery to the police’s help. She was glad when he said he understood, that he’d stay home like she wanted. She needed everyone to be safe. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159686856301)

This was what he feared, and he let out a sigh betwixt with a groan. It wasn’t fair that everything kept get ruined for both of them. Zuko tried to follow after her, but it was no use. She was panicking, and calling the police and canceling the party. Zuko was so angry, not at all at Katara, but he was angry at the situation, and for whatever reason he was laden with guilt for all of this. 

Zuko explained to his uncle what was going on, and Iroh urged Zuko to stay home and be safe. Zuko felt like everyone was overreacting, but he was a bit afraid for Izumi. He was more hurt than anything- the words racing through his head, and the forced cancellation of the party for Katara was disappointing, and he hated that she was made upset again. 

Zuko went to Katara then, guilt eating at him. “Kat…? Are– are you okay, love? I’m sorry… I– we… maybe we can reschedule… we- we can get a restraining order, maybe? I don’t know… I’m sorry this– I keep causing—” Zuko cut himself off, not knowing what to say as he inhaled sharply. “I just wish this could stop. I miss seeing you _smile_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159688749557)

Katara rolled her eyes, wanting to swallow the worry for now, even if she couldn’t forget it. “I was smiling this morning, love. I smile all the time.” 

She knew he felt guilty… he might not notice how happy she’d been lately simply because of his own trepidations. Katara grimaced at the counter. What a precarious balance they had— one side always seemed to be drowning in a guilty conscience, blaming themselves for the other’s uneasiness. It was the greatest hurdle they had in moving forward. 

“Look,” Katara said, opening the cake box for him to see. “We can still do something… we don’t have to sit here and be afraid.” 

She smiled, showing him the treat. It was covered in white frosting, sprinkles decorated the top. The bakery said they’d know the gender as soon as they cut into it— the cake was dyed either pick or blue. Katara opened a nearby drawer and retrieved a knife, which she handed over to Zuko. 

“Why don’t we find out? We don’t have to wait… and we don’t have to let Mai _win_ today.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159689208271)

Zuko smirked, a small laugh snorting through his nose at her comment. He nodded, putting his hand on the small of her back as they walked to the table. The cake was very pretty- and Zuko thought to himself it was a shame their family wouldn’t have any. He sighed deeply, but took the knife Katara handed him, and kissed her cheek, “I love you,” he told her, this time with a genuine smile as his hand caressed her growing belly. 

Zuko then sliced into the cake, cutting a perfect piece, and then another for his wife, and a little sliver for Izumi. When Zuko removed Izumi’s piece, pink and blue marble was revealed, and Zuko smirked quizzicaly, his eyebrow perked in confusion. “What?” he laughed out– but then it soon clicked as he set the knife down.

Zuko laughed again, a smile wide on his face as he shook his head. “No? You’re joking? Are you serious? This can’t be serious?” Zuko laughed out. “Is it… are we having twins?” Zuko laughed. “Twins!?” Zuko spoke, smiling brighter. “I can’t believe it– is this for real? It’s not a mistake? Twins! Kat? Kat, are you messing with me?” Zuko asked, pulling her close, and practically forgetting the events of the day. He smiled wide, hugging her tight, and kissing her face all over while he laughed. 

“I cannot _believe_ it… twins!”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159798043982)

Katara laughed against his lips, opening her eyes to find his own overcome with emotion and excitement. “Twins,” she repeated, squeezing ‘round his shoulders, squealing as he spun her in a circle. “Can we even _handle_ that?”

When she was back on her own two feet, Katara picked up a giggling Izumi. The toddler didn’t really know what was going on, aside from her parents celebrating and dancing gin the kitchen _without_ her. Katara nuzzled the girl’s little button nose, and whispered, “You’re going to have little sister _and_ a little brother.”

“Doesn’t that make you happy?” Katara swiped a bit of white frosting, depositing the dollop on her daughter’s nose. “You’ll be a big sister!” 

Izumi laughed, her hands clapping together. “ _When!_ Momma, when!” 

“ _Mmm…_ give or take three months,” she smiled, pecking Izumi’s forehead when the toddler exclaimed excitedly. She felt Zuko’s arms wrap about them both, and she leaned back against his chest. “I can’t believe it. _Twins._ ” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159798298906/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko was hugging them both, his family, his little family that was about to grow. They’d be parents of three then, in just a matter of weeks. It was crazy to think about, and he was nervous, but he was also excited. He still couldn’t believe it. “This is insane… _twins_!?” Zuko laughed, shaking his head. “We– we’re going to have to double everything… I mean…? Twins! We’ll need two cribs… the girl can wear Izumi’s outgrown clothes, but… this is crazy!” Zuko laughed.

He took his wife’s face in his hands, and pulled her into a kiss, then he did the same to Izumi, but kissing her forehead. “Twins!” he exclaimed once more and Izumi clapped her hands, giggling as she hugged her mother. 

“I love Mama,” Izumi exclaimed, hugging her mother around her neck tightly as Zuko smiled. Maybe, despite Mai’s family trying to interfere, things would still be all right. Zuko just had to make sure her family stayed away. He never wanted Izumi to know her mother’s origin. As far as they both were concerned, as they’d talked about extensively, Izumi was theirs. She would grow up to believe she was biologically Katara’s too. He knew lying could hurt kids, especially on something so serious, but they didn’t plan on her ever finding out. It would only cause pain: pain their little girl could never deserve.


	29. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 9

_**‘Twins!’** _

That fact became more and more evident as Katara reached her third trimester. By her eighth month, she felt _huge_. Somedays, simply putting on shoes was a task in and of itself. Zuko was a major help, though, and Katara was so grateful to him for it. He made everything easier, the chores, chasing after Izumi 

And, over time, she became more and more comfortable with their expanding family, with the prospect of raising biological children with her husband. She was happy, _finally_ , and she realized she deserved that. 

They _both_ did. 

“I was thinking about names,” Katara said one night, settling on the couch beside Zuko for a Netflix binge. His eyes pulled from the TV, focusing on hers with a patient interest. “For the boy, I really like Ezra. It means helper. I think it fits him well, and who his parents are… a doctor and a teacher.”

She smiled softly, focusing just over his shoulder on the framed ultrasound image from last week. Zuko had taken to saving them all, and displaying the most recent picture of their coming babies on the coffee table. 

Katara took a deep breath, then, feeling a little nervous when her gaze drifted to their little girl, “For her… what do you think of Ursa?”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160566974606)

Zuko struggled from time-to-time. It would always be a hurdle to leap over, but Zuko was finding it much better to cope. Katara understood when he broke that night, even though he feared she may be upset since so much time had passed. She still took him into her arms and let him hurt without judgement, just as when she needed support, he was always there for her. 

Katara was _very_ blatantly pregnant with twins. It put a smile on his face, but he knew his wife could not wait for her due date. She was tumbling around practically, and Zuko had taken up most of Katara’s share household chores. She could hardly bend over. Everything was so worth it though, to think they’d have two babies they made together, brought into the world. Zuko was nervous, but he was excited, and no one was more excited than little Izumi. 

Zuko relished in the quiet nights where they relaxed and talked, cuddled close on the couch. He would rub her belly, and she’d usually doze off. But, as Zuko sat flipping through Netflix, his wife’s words caught him by surprise. He smiled as she brought up the babies– and names. “Ezra, that’s a great name,” Zuko agreed, “Ezra,” he repeated, practicing the sound of its syllables upon his tongue with a warm smile. 

When she spoke again, his face fell in surprise, and his eyes watered slightly before he broke into a smile. “ _Kat_ …” he whispered lovingly in a hushed surprise, his heart touched. “Kat, I– I would love to name her after my mom,” Zuko murmured, warmed to think she’d thought of that. “Are you serious?” he laughed out, his voice cracked. “Kat… that would mean so much to me… Are you sure?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160568553032)

“Yeah, Ursa and Ezra,” she said with a smile, “Or Ezra and Ursa, depending on which one comes out first.” 

Katara could already hear the arguments the kids would have— who should get the top bunk, who should get the front seat, who should get the last serving of ice cream, all ended with ‘Well, I _am_ two minutes older.’ 

She laughed to herself, and interlinked her fingers with Zuko’s, snuggling closer. She brought their hands over her belly, finding one of the small flutters there and putting his palm on it. 

“Somebody wants to meet you,” Katara murmured, “Twins usually come early… it could be any day now.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160568985516)

Zuko smiled even brighter as Katara only vindicated her decision on the names. Zuko truly did love both those names, and only further excited him about the birth of their children. Zuko kissed her then as she held his hand, and they put their hands over her growing belly. He remembered feeling them kick for the first time, hearing the stethoscope of their heartbeats. It was all so wonderfully overwhelming. 

“I can’t wait to meet them either,” Zuko whispered, “I’m sure you can’t wait for them to come out,” he gently teased, kissing her cheek. “I love you so much, Kat,” Zuko whispered with a tender smile and gentle laugh as his forehead fell against her shoulder. 

He looked up at her then, thinking about how rough the past months had been. “Kat… I was thinking, with Izumi being so little, and now getting two more babies… do you think I should stay home a while? Just until the kids are older?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160590316262)

“If you want…” Katara said slowly, having taken a moment to mull it over, “As long as it’s not something you feel forced to do. I know we’ll have three little ones, but we can afford daycare… we can also afford for you to stay home.” 

She fell silent, running her fingers into his hair, overcome with gratitude. she could see in his eyes, this decision wasn’t based on whose income was higher, or society’s pigeonholing belief that moms should stay home— it was her husband being sacrificial, unconditionally loving.  

He had a passion for teaching. He loved it. Yet, he’d give it up to let her pursue her own passions at the hospital. Katara swallowed, feeling her eyes water. 

“Thank you,” she murmured quietly. She leaned towards him, pecking his cheek, “I love you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160590945826)

Zuko laughed softly, “It’s gonna be crazy around here,” Zuko commented, thinking of having three little ones running all over the place, of them bickering, playing, and squealing all over the house. He smiled though, thinking of how he wouldn’t trade it for a thing. 

///////////////

The days lugged on, and the both of them were getting impatient, especially Katara. She just wanted those babies out. Finally, the day came, or night- rather. Katara shook Zuko awake at two am– her water had finally broken, and Zuko was jolted awake in a moment’s notice, frazzled, and overprotective. Katara was a pediatrician- she knew all about giving birth. But, her paranoid Zuko had never been to medical school.

“I– I okay… um, the hospital– let’s go to the hospital,” Zuko spoke, throwing things in a bag urgently for Katara. 

“Do you need anything? Should I grab anything else? Shit, Izumi! What do we do with Izumi?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160698715002)

“Zuko… Zuko!” Katara caught his wrist as he darted by the bed, her blue eyes imploring him to calm for just a moment. She nearly laughed, “I can’t believe I’m telling _you_ this, but _breathe.”_

She let him go once a long sigh rushed passed his lips. And, although he demanded she stay put on the bed until they were ready, Katara still managed to help some. 

“My dad will have his phone on… call—” Katara winced through a contraction, her hand pressing over her belly— “Don’t worry,” she muttered when she caught Zuko’s worried expression, “They’re still pretty far apart. Call my dad. He’ll meet us at the hospital with Lilah… she’ll take care of the kids, okay?” 

She frowned a moment later, “Make sure he knows he’s _not_ allowed in the room when I’m giving birth, though. Only you… and Suki… I want Suki, too, so call her and Sokka.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160698989751/where-the-heart-is)

Zuko nodded, inwardly still frantic as he darted around their bedroom. Every time his wife made a grunt, he darted to her side, only for her to wave him away nonchalantly. He took the phone, stressing to his father-in-law that he couldn’t be in the room, and that they needed Lilah to watch Izumi and Sokka’s kids. He then phoned Sokka and Suki, and Suki was on her way instantly.

Zuko’s hands shook as he helped his wife to the car. Suki sat in the back withKatara, easing her as Zuko began to drive to the hospital. He was still in awe- soon, they’d have two beautiful babies.

When Katara laid down in the hospital bed, in her gown, the doctors and midwives crowding around, Zuko sat beside her with a nervous, yet encouraging smile. “You can do it, Kat,” Zuko assured her, squeezing her hand. “I love you. You’ll do great. I’m right here. I’ll be right here the whole time.”


	30. Epilogue: Where The Heart Is, Part 10

Katara couldn’t say she remembered much after they arrived at the hospital… just the blur of faces with loved ones mixed in. Zuko held her the entire time. She must’ve squeezed the hell out of his fingers, but he stayed close, whispering encouragements and kissing her hand. Suki was there, too, helping her breathe, keeping her focused. 

“A little girl,” the doctor said, clamping the cord, wrapping the baby up, and handing the squalling child to Katara. 

There was a brief reprieve, just a few moments of complete stillness in which she stared at her daughter in wonder. “Ursa,” Katara murmured, “her name’s Ursa.” 

A nurse took her before Katara was ready, but their son was coming and she didn’t have much room to complain. 

Exhaustion was her prevailing thought. Exhaustion and happiness and _finally_ , calm. Another baby was pushed into her hands and she felt Zuko kiss her cheek, his own wet with warm tears. 

“Ezra,” she whispered, nuzzling her husband wearily. “Our little baby Ezra.” 

* * *

 

 [](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160788137351)

Zuko was frazzled, but did his best to contain it for Katara’s sake. He held her hand, encouraging her, and whispering sweet nothings the whole time. Suki was there, and he was glad a familiar face could reassure them both, as well as the doctor. 

Finally, a little baby in a pink blanket was placed in Katara’s arms, but Katara was still in pain, and their second child was on the way. Zuko was overwhelmed with joy when both their children were welcomed into the world. 

The father was crying, his cheeks covered in tears, but this time, they were happy. He was smiling bright as he cried, holding Ursa as Katara held Ezra. “They’re so beautiful,” Zuko whispered, nuzzling his cheek against his wife’s. 

“Just like their mama,” Zuko spoke, kissing her cheek. “You did so good, Kat… I’m so proud of you. I love you so much… I- I’ve never been so happy in my entire life.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/164066138967)

 

“Our little family…” Katara whispered, rubbing her nose against Ezra’s with a weary smile. She lay her head back against the hospital pillow and gestured for Zuko to join her. “Rest with me.” 

He slipped onto the bed beside her, letting her cradle Ursa, too. Zuko’s lips brushed her hair and his fingers drew shapes along her arms and across the backs of both babies. 

“I love you, Zuko. I love you, and Izumi, and Ezra and Ursa.” Her eyes fluttered shut as she said it, and the room descended into a quiet hush as the doctor and nurses stepped out. “You’re all perfect.” 

Katara sighed happily, letting a doze overtake her. Her family would be in soon, Hakoda, with Izumi, and Sokka and Suki. For now, however, she was content with this moment, with the warmth in her husband’s arms and the peace they’d finally found. 

**THE END**


End file.
